A continually frustrating aspect of this I’ve been stuck upon that I posed to mutual friends tonight is the thought experiment of if roles were reversed. If I had become a verbally abusive alcoholic for years who ultimately resorted to hitting her and breaking things then showing up drunk and physically assaulting her resulting in a protective order against me, I asked, would they still talk to me. Without hesitation, the wife said “not at all”.

And that is again where we get so fucked in this as if the psychological effects of the abuse are any different even if she can’t physically hurt me. Yet I have to be okay with the sympathy shown to my abuser that would never be shown to me and I have to justify why I disconnect the garage and lock the doors and won’t live anywhere close to her.