Calm before the storm?

ReallyNowSeeYou · 2023-12-07T23:53:05+00:00

No this is good it’s what I feel calm happy and free tell i talk with stbxw and then im miserable. That in that I want her back in more of it brings up all shit we went though and stuff. Find peace anyway u can and hold onto it cause at any moment it can go and will go all to hell

upvotersfortruth · 2023-12-08T01:29:53+00:00

I guess it depends on how over you were with the marriage at the time you left. The end of a marriage is like the death of a loved one and must be grieved. When a woman is "done" and we wonder why she can just turn so cold and move on, it's because she already grieved the death of the marriage, probably over the course of a year or more but didn't say anything. And we're left in the turmoil of a new grief.

So for you, if you left deliberately and without much drama, and not as a stunt to try to scare her back into the marriage or whatever, chances are you've already processed a lot of it. In which case, you'll probably still have the pangs we all have but it is unlikely to be the roller coaster of a fully fresh and raw wound. If not, then there will probably be some major ebbs and flows of emotion as you process the loss.

I think we share one aspect, which is regardless of how much I missed her, the peace of having my own place to go home to where there was no concern of a fight or drama or whatever, outweighed any of the missing or loneliness.

Salty-Rutabaga-3329 · 2023-12-08T03:15:52+00:00

It was day to day for me. And it was all sorts of things at once. I worried about my dogs, where I'd live, keeping my kid in school, what I'd do if I had to keep charging my legal fees, work.

But it was never about her in a romantic sense. That was the easy part.

icemountainisnextome · 2023-12-08T04:45:14+00:00

Wait, you left her? That may be why it stings a little less. Month one for me I was researching tying a noose with an extension cord. But my STBX abruptly left over a note. 3 months in now and I'm not so suicidal. I still get extremely pissed and sad and confused throughout the day but I ain't letting that lying bitch take me out.

One_Cartographer_465 · 2023-12-08T15:12:39+00:00

Not only is this normal, you seem to have a healthy attitude considering the situation. You understand it is "a version of her" you miss, not her.

UseResponsible4368 · 2023-12-09T05:11:39+00:00

This is the Liberation Wave.

It comes with the great new awareness that you're responsible just for yourself now, that you don't have to walk on eggshells or appeal to other's sensibilities.

It was one of the biggest rushes of my life, about the same level as when I graduated HS in the Senior Year and knew a whole life was opening up before me.

Title	Calm before the storm?
Author	sam_lathrop
Upvotes	11
Comments	9
Date	December 7, 2023 11:36 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/18d8zca/calm_before_the_storm/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/calm-before-the-storm.1240214 https://theredarchive.com/post/1240214

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