Stbx: Spends 14 weekends per year (will be closer to 20 this year with me gone). She is judging a sport for free. They pay for the travel, hotel and food. Effort is around 4-5 hours each day. Adds up to well over a month being gone per year. It’s effectively a series of free trips to be among friends. It’s also all over the country.

I should add that we both work full time. There are times when it’s 4 of 5 weekends in the summer and the one other is a holiday.

Me (going back months/years): Hey can your mom watch the kids so we can go spend a night out?

Her: “No. it isn’t fair to my mom. Before you know it the kids will be out of the house. How come you only want to be away from the kids? You just really hate what I do.”

Now: Since we separated she has her mom take the kids some weeknights so she can travel to another competition. She knows my anger on the subject but says that it’s different somehow.

Guys, I can’t make sense of it. The only thing that relates to this are forms of addictions. All this projection. She isn’t volunteering to fill sand bags, feed the needy, preach gospel….. it’s to sit on a judging panel with a bunch of old divorced women and gay men. In my mind compare it to being the skinny girl in the fat girl sorority. You get all this love and praise. What happens when she gets old and the free serotonin stops being spoon fed?

She wonders why I stopped trying. Geez. Don’t get me started on the once per month “hey you can get yourself off really quick if you want to” sex either.