Ex in a serious relationship

salty-sheep-bah · 2023-11-23T13:57:38+00:00

Bro, this was a fucking nightmare for me. I spent so much many nights fearing what I had no control over. Shit I could not change. A million and one unknowns.

I tell my kids all the time not to get worked up about something they're unsure of. Why shouldn't I do the same?

I'd say take into consideration that this guy might not be all as bad as you think. Hell, he has custody, he might even be on this sub.

Just my two cents brother.

mhall1201 · 2023-11-23T14:21:21+00:00

This is a very tough situation. The trap of this situation is that we spend so much time worrying about things we can’t control. It is difficult to accept, but you most likely have zero ability to influence that situation. Worrying about that stuff will rob you of happiness in you life.

We fear that are kids are put in a unsafe situation but consider this: the vast majority of men are not bad people. They do not prey on children. Most are not dried addicts. We hear every story in the news every day, and it causes us to be fearful that those people are common. You will always find somebody that will type in and talk about their experience but thousands of people will not pipe in and talk about their experiences where everything was OK.

spozmo · 2023-11-23T15:58:57+00:00

I feel this. My ex not only jumped immediately into a new relationship. She did it with the guy she dated before me. I don’t know what he’s like now, but I know what he was like before.

My ex is a sober alcoholic, and she was sober when she met this guy. The way he played mind games with her contributed to a heinous relapse where she ended up doing heroin and attempting suicide. Now, no one is responsible for anyone else’s sobriety, but it’s safe to say that was not a healthy relationship for her.

But it gets worse.

She’s pretty good with computers. She’s also very clever. During her relapse (which was proximate with them breaking up; I’m not positive of the order of events here), she broke into his email and discovered notifications from a darkweb forum. This forum required someone to vouch for you before you got in. She identified an unpopular member of the forum through reading these notifications, contacted him, and through a combination of bribes and blackmail got him to invite and vouch for her under a fake identity.

So, you know, she was being more than a little nuts in this relationship.

But it gets worse.

It was an early redpill forum dedicated to early redpill stuff - toxic seduction, abuse and manipulation techniques to use women. Her ex was a very active participant there. So active, in fact, that he had his own little subforum corner where he was the only OP, but everyone could comment. It was very popular on the forum. Guess what the topic of his subforum was?

Her.

It was full of posts sharing their texts with commentary on how he was manipulating her, how pathetic and disgusting she was, how he had cheated on her and gotten away with it, how much he hated her, all of her nudes, etc.

So that’s who she got together with. I asked her why. She said, “he felt safe; he’s been to therapy.”

And this is the man most likely to become my son’s stepfather at this point.

The thing is, I can’t control her. I can voice my concerns. I can hope her friends (who actually tend to be pretty sensible people; one is even a family therapist) try to talk sense into her. I can be open to the possibility that this dude really has changed and will be safe and ok now for my kid. But I can’t prevent this.

So I feel you. Much love. Stay strong. Show up for that kid yourself and encourage an open dialogue about what’s happening in her life. Don’t push or pry, but do everything you can to be a safe person to confide in. Godspeed, brother.

captainchippsixx · 2023-11-23T14:30:56+00:00

It’s all bs. Don’t believe anything your told. More than likely she had him in the wings before separation. Move fast with divorce.

techrmd3 · 2023-11-23T19:15:57+00:00

yes nothing you can do

It's a strange dynamic the court system believes the mom so much that any and I mean ANY man she shacks up with is AOK to any Judge in the land. The only exception is sex offender.

Literally your ex can move in with an Ex felon with a multitude of past offenses. Judge does nothing... asks the ex if she will protect children... she says yes. Case closed

Meanwhile you are providing support which is "supposed" to go to the kids welfare and housing. Now new live in Boyfriend of dubious origin is getting benefit of your money too.

Just worst situation ever.

Relative-Ease-1412 · 2023-11-23T19:37:30+00:00

Background check and speak to your child about what is appropriate touching and what isn’t. Make sure she has a way of always communicating with you. Have a emergency code that only you and her know.

Theedon · 2023-11-23T20:56:51+00:00

My EX has a girlfriend from high-school that was married to her step brother. They had some kids and are now divorced. Life happens and you have little control over how it happens.

Are for sexual assault, all you can do is make sure your daughter can call you anytime and you can be there for her asap.

WartimeDad · 2023-11-23T21:24:30+00:00

Accept that what you cannot control. Be the example on your time. This is common. Too common. At the end of the day this isn’t in your control. Unfortunately. Focus on yourself and your time.

Certain-Line-6351 · 2023-11-24T04:08:18+00:00

Go meet him be friendly.

Chances are he might be a really good guy. When I met my ex wife’s new boyfriend, he’s a bit of a dork, but overall is a pretty nice guy. He treats my ex-wife very well and my daughter has yet to say one bad thing about him.

If the guys a good guy who cares it’s just another positive male role model for your kids

Far_Excitement_4835 · 2023-11-24T10:56:08+00:00

Going through this as well. I just tell my children that they a free to tell me anything and if anything happens to tell me

To treat him with respect

I don't think there is anything else we can do

LMS_THEORY_ · 2023-11-25T00:11:46+00:00

I'm wondering how do y'all find out if ex is in another relationship? Only reason if I'd care if my EW is in a serious relationship is so I can get the alimony stopped lol. But being she knows it's a court order if she's in a supportive relationship she'd withhold that information to keep the checks coming.

Title	Ex in a serious relationship
Author	Borntadoodishes
Upvotes	17
Comments	14
Date	November 23, 2023 12:37 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1820an3/ex_in_a_serious_relationship/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/ex-in-a-serious-relationship.1239165 https://theredarchive.com/post/1239165

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