First Christmas

DevinB12 · 2025-11-07T16:51:23+00:00

I've not been invited to any holiday festivities yet, and I don't expect I will be. Thanksgiving my son and I will be at my brothers house in Atlanta...Christmas is where it will get lonely... I have no family here, all of her family is here, so I'll be alone for Christmas...working every day but Christmas which is good and will keep me busy. Our divorce isn't final but hoping it will be by first week of December.

Nervous-Alfalfa8416 · 2025-11-07T15:21:33+00:00

I did it last Christmas, we had been separated for about 5 months. Her mother in law was there, who I strongly suspect played a big part in our break up.

It was horrific, I was there for my 11yr old daughter only. I was in a very bad place mentally and looked and felt terrible. Don't do it unless things are genuinely amicable between you and the ex. An experience I never want to repeat.

Freeman2be · 2025-11-06T17:49:49+00:00

In the process and my STBXW suggested I join them for Thanksgiving (because it will be sad with out me). It's such a mind fuck, she's banging the guy she previously had an affair with (and unfortunately we recently slept together - completely messed me up and while the sex was great, set me back) and yet she wants me over for Thanksgiving and Christmas.

I politely declined (she will use it against me and tell the kids I don't want to be with them over the holidays), but they are young adults and everyone needs to understand this is the new normal (not spending holidays together). Fortunately, I have extended family nearby and will spend the holidays with them.

It would be an emotional disaster for me, especially after a couple glasses of win. No thanks, I am done pretending everything is fine and normal, because it's far from that.

Your situation is different than mine, but my advice (and my therapist's advice to me) is don't do it.

Whatever your decision, good luck and remain strong.

MonarchistExtreme · 2025-11-06T16:30:05+00:00

ugh sounds like a disaster waiting to happen. Have you spoke to your kid about how their mental picture of the event will likely be a bit optimistic vs the reality of the situation?

Immediate-Story2562 · 2025-11-06T01:56:05+00:00

I would recommend against it if you and your X don't get along

EitherIndication4502 · 2025-11-06T01:52:59+00:00

I agreed to it as first Xmas divorced and 3 weeks ago the ex blow it up because of new glow up boyfriend. Lost 1k in reservation I couldn't get full credit back. My advice is don't.

Slowloris81 · 2025-11-06T01:02:57+00:00

No shared holidays. Only thing we share is if we show up to recitals and stuff and we don’t interact. Easier for everyone that way but also was not an amicable split.

curtdogg47 · 2025-11-05T22:29:36+00:00

We used to do shared Christmas and Birthdays. After the first Christmas, I said no more! And after a few birthdays I said no more of those either. And I hated being around her and still do. We just worked out a schedule for it. Kids are with her Christmas Eve, they do Christmas morning with her and then I pick them.

My kids know I don’t like being around their mom, and know she was the one that left and Wanted a divorce. Some people can split and still do things as a family and I think that is awesome if you can. I just couldn’t stomach it!

It’s a tough situation, and hard, for everyone involved!

questionoffitness · 2025-11-05T22:20:36+00:00

From almost day one we had dual or split family events. 2 Thanksgivings, 2 Christmas's, 2 birthday parties for each kid. This basically mean I take my kids out to my parent's place, and my ex takes them to her parents. Which actual day things happen on isn't all that important, but I don't give up my time so my ex can have them for one of her family event, as her family is much bigger than mine.

A few months after I moved out there was a funeral for her grandma that I attended and it .. did not go well. So now my only in-person contact with her is for kid drop-off/pick ups.

Title	First Christmas
Author	gratefulstudent76
Upvotes	5
Comments	9
Date	November 5, 2025 9:54 PM UTC (8 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1opgibe/first_christmas/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/first-christmas.1565933 https://theredarchive.com/post/1565933

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