Go now or wait?

Mountain_Switch_6759 · 2021-04-29T21:19:50+00:00

Depends on you Brotha. If you can go Grey rock, begin to cut off things...allowance, clothing, nails. and push her towards getting a full time job, you will ultimately keep her toxicity distracted by work. It will be better for you if she decides to fight in court.

Serenity413 · 2021-04-30T01:44:37+00:00

If she’s not going to get a job unless forced - you are better off filing. Sure - you will pay for child support for a long time, but your alimony length will be nothing at 2yrs and splitting 2yrs of marital assets will be nothing.

Here’s the alternative if you wait. - You work and she is a SAH for say another 5-10yrs because as you said - she ain’t getting a job unless forced. - You’ll be paying for your child’s expenses anyway in addition to her expenses during this time. - Anything you save will go to the marital pot to be split. Any 401k contribution goes to the marital pot. Any stock market appreciation on your retirement funds will get split. The stock market has appreciated 86% in the last five years - so be prepared to give up a lot. - Then because the marriage lasted say 8-10yrs, you’ll be on the hook for a longer alimony duration. If it’s longer than 10yrs - that is another story that could include indefinite alimony. - Also if your pay increases during this time - you’ll be assessed at that and because she is out of work longer - her imputed income is will be nothing. So higher alimony amount as the differential only grows with time.

At 2yrs - take the bullet and file now. Just talking financially - if you think the marriage is worth saving then yes, go to counseling.

No_more_BPD_2020 · 2021-04-30T03:21:43+00:00

Will this get any cheaper? What happens when she gets pregnant again? How do you force someone to do anything they don't want to do? Are you miserable every day with her? Have you talked to a therapist? Talked to a lawyer?

The farther you out from a divorce, the more options you have with moving money around outside of normal monthly expenses, my lawyer told me.

My divorce was under 2 years in my state, which meant a short term marriage that had much more lenient laws. Does your state have laws concerning length of marriage?

Whatever you decide to do, I encourage you to get professional advice so you're well informed. I know I do things based on emotion and not facts sometimes, and it gets me into trouble.

Good luck!

sicrm · 2021-04-30T05:49:52+00:00

meet with a lawyer and go over different scenarios

NewJerseySmiles · 2021-05-01T15:46:40+00:00

You can find alimony calculators online for your state. In the end it is up to the judge, but there are formulas for your state which is most commonly used, baring extreme circumstances. My understanding is once you file the Complaint of Divorce, the clock stops. Meaning any new 401K contributions are solely yours. Let that be some comfort for you as it takes over a year for the divorce to finalize. The more years you are in the marriage, the more alimony you will have to give, the more assets will accumulate so the more you will have to split, the longer the time you are paying her expenses, etc. Bite the bullet now and file. Dont wait. That is the BEST advice you will get.

playerknowmore · 2021-04-29T22:29:12+00:00

You do know that with a child the toxicity never really goes away. As much toxicity is in the marriage will morph into a just as toxic coparenting. Might want to try counseling; because you are going to need it whether you a married or coparenting, but if you wait until coparenting there may be more hands in the pot.

dday_throwaway3 · 2021-04-29T23:36:21+00:00

Status quo is the greatest bias of the court.

Get her ass working, or you're going to be paying $$$$ for spousal support on top of the child support.

Calm_Tomato · 2021-04-29T23:48:50+00:00

The odds are in your favor now. If you do 50/50 custody you’ll pay the least amount and you’ve only been married for 2 years so that’s only 1 year of spousal support. If you’re sure you want to do this then do it. If it’s that bad then try talking to her and communicating but if you’re set on divorce then no one is really going to change your mind.

PurpleTacoTuesday · 2021-04-30T05:43:35+00:00

Your problem is that custody could go her way entirely, and you’ll be paying a lot more child support and maintenance than if she had some real income.

Title	Go now or wait?
Author	KVPxMAS
Upvotes	3
Comments	16
Date	April 29, 2021 8:30 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/n1dgsh/go_now_or_wait/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/go-now-or-wait.817149 https://theredarchive.com/post/817149

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