How do I actually do let go?

stent00 · 2022-07-30T15:40:19+00:00

Gets whiff of new pussy .. wants a divorce. Seems legit. Your wife does not need a husband who cheats. You owe it to her to let her go

georeddit2018 · 2022-07-30T05:04:52+00:00

Be careful. The grass is not always greener on the other side.

dadavedavid · 2022-07-30T04:31:08+00:00

Get the divorce. It’s a hard process but sounds like everyone will be happier. I’m guessing if your wife knew about the new side woman she’d be apoplectic. You can be divorced and still Have a great relationship with your kids. It’s all in how you do it.

AStirlingMacDonald · 2022-07-30T05:00:23+00:00

1: please get the divorce. Be honest with your wife, apologize genuinely, take full responsibility for it (even if you feel she was partly to blame). Take the initiative on getting paperwork drawn up. Be generous in the custody/alimony/whatever. Your marriage is fundamentally unhealthy, and neither of you will be able to grow in healthy ways like this. You owe it to her to let her go, and to give her a solid foundation in which to do this, and you owe it to yourself to work on your own issues.

2: find a licensed cognitive behavioral therapist. Shop around for one who will challenge you and call you out on bullshit, not one who will coddle you or enable your unhealthy behaviors. Tell them you have a history of cheating. Something like 99% of cheaters have struggled with some form of narcissism, and often some other mental health issues as well. Work to get to the bottom of those mental health issues. Find fulfillment and validation in yourself, without needing it from anyone else, including a partner.

3: don’t start a new relationship until you are mentally healthy. The only way a relationship can be healthy is if both partners going in are healthy.

4: once you get to that point and start dating again, Make it a point to never lie or hide the truth from your new partner. Be brutally honest about your past; the journey you’ve taken and the work you’ve done to get to where you are. If they can’t accept your past, move on. Find someone who can love you the way you truly are, past issues and everything.

derelictherds · 2022-07-30T17:04:56+00:00

Not really sure what is being asked here. You sound like the male version of my ex wife. Give your wife an easy divorce then leave her alone so she can move on with life. People divorce and remain active in kids lives all the time. This sometimes requires more effort post-divorce, but that's what good parents do, right?

eyesayhello · 2022-07-30T21:49:49+00:00

Honestly, you don't seem like the kind of guy that likes to be tied down. You fucked up by having children because now you MUST be there for them.

I normally support men here. But, in this case, YTA. Sorry.

winpowguy · 2022-07-30T06:55:18+00:00

Thank you all for posting & commenting.

Creative_Initial8406 · 2022-07-30T13:56:51+00:00

https://youtu.be/dJIXiGWD7nY

mister_olympia · 2022-07-30T14:29:26+00:00

Do your wife a favor and get the divorce, life’s too short to waste time on a relationship you don’t want to be in.

unsurefamily · 2022-07-30T15:01:23+00:00

I can somewhat relate to your post. I had an affair with one person many years ago. My wife knows all the details but the manner in which I shared them permanently wrecked trust. I love my kids with all my heart and still care for my wife but I’m scared to share painful things with her until she asks and that doesn’t build trust. She wants to be at peace and I do but both of us struggle with committing to divorce because I fear a life without this family and she fears other women around the kids. It’s just so unhealthy but yet I continue to want to be a person she can trust and she wants to trust me but the damage is so deep. She wants me to set her free but the thought of losing my family when I feel I can fix it is so so hard. My kids know about my only affair and they still love me but we haven’t broken up the family home and made it real for them yet. That will crush them and I fear losing them because it’s my fault.

I can’t offer you advice because I am in the same place in a sense. I want to find a way for my wife to trust me again and be in this family and happy for the rest of my days but I struggle with being able to get there.

I guess above all else don’t cheat on her again. Don’t lie to her anymore. It is a human on the other side and they want peace and love and happiness too. If you want a long lasting relationship with your kids change who you are.

ryanduty · 2022-07-30T17:01:38+00:00

Let it go gets easier with experience. I was more heartbroken over the loss of my high school girlfriend then I was for either of my wives. There comes a point in life where you just kinda die inside and moving on gets easier

Large_Cellist · 2022-07-31T12:11:08+00:00

I am sure you will like your wife better once she gets another partner

Jonger1150 · 2022-07-31T21:06:19+00:00

Don't feel for OP.

Funny_Wolverine_9 · 2022-08-01T02:18:49+00:00

Forgive. I was accused of rape and I had to learn to forgive that c*nt to move on. Forgive brother.

Title	How do I actually do let go?
Author	Tasty_Pie_7167
Upvotes	7
Comments	31
Date	July 30, 2022 4:00 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/wbo6d6/how_do_i_actually_do_let_go/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/how-do-i-actually-do-let-go.1125932 https://theredarchive.com/post/1125932

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