How do I get my damn mind off her

BottleBoth5446 · 2024-10-31T11:55:11+00:00

Going through this now with my Wife. Separated after 13 years together. Your lucky you have options. I've had zero interest in the 4 months I've been single, take that as a positive. When you have healed you will move on to someone else. It does indeed take time. You have to remember what made you happy before you met. Keep hitting the gym and maybe look at meditation. I know it hurts like crazy. Also, try to look at the whole relationship, good and bad. There will have been times when she upset you, made you feel bad or argued, its the battle between your head and your heart. I've had some very dark thoughts myself but you can pull through it. I'm nowhere near through it and doubt I will be until the new year. You just have to work on yourself

laztaztic · 2024-10-27T23:32:10+00:00

You're not ready for the pain to stop. You need this, yes that's right. You need the pain to remind you of the consequences of giving your heart to an unworthy person. Time does heal all. It's true. But you also have to start fresh and Make new friends. New love interests. New hobbies. Live your best life. When the time is right you'll find yourself someone worthy and loyal. This is the time to reflect and recall the red flags that you ignored or missed. So this won't happen again. Good luck. Stay strong. And fuck that bitch.

aonegod · 2024-10-27T22:22:48+00:00

I feel you my wife left me man and it sucks I could find someone to lay with but it’s not what I want I her back but she’s done and I’m lonely af man

roshi-roshi · 2024-10-27T20:55:26+00:00

Lucky you are young. So sorry you’re going through this. I’m with you, everything sucks. I’m still here because if my two boys, but for me the anxiety and depression is almost unbearable. Seriously wondering if I’ll make it through. My wife also became very cold to the point where she will not speak to me except email. She acts as if she saw me she’d have a seizure. It’s all just unbelievable and I’m exhausted.

fixingmedaybyday · 2024-10-27T19:57:58+00:00

I was right where you are submitter. It hurt so bad emotionally that I was in actual physical pain. And I too just wanted it to end. I felt like a pariah. Getting out of the house helped a lot. Long hikes, long car rides provided temporary relief and distraction. Going out to local bars and just making new friends helped a ton too. Slowly, but by bit I started feeling better. 3 years later and I’m ok. Thriving in some ways even, but there is still a deep bruise in my heart that I have to deal with. But it is getting better. The hardest thing to accept has been that I really am not that awful person that she made me feel like I was and learning to love myself again.

Look through this forum and you’ll see many many posts like yours. Know that you are not alone and that this is a normal part of the grief. Keep going. I know when I was in your shoes, I wanted to end it all too. It was so bad I had to stay away from high cliffs, firearms and railroad tracks. I’m so glad I didn’t end it all. It’s been a painful journey, however, it’s been worth it. You can do this.

ArizonaSpartan · 2024-10-27T17:18:48+00:00

We’ve all been there. The only way out is forward to the next chapter of life.

Go to the gym, Seek out friends, Do stuff (hike, shoot, billiards, woodworking… etc), Read (Gatekeeper by Shawn T Smith, Discipline Equals Freedom, No More Mr Nice Guy, Can’t Hurt Me, Warrior Poet Way), Bible / Church / Prayer if so inclined, Men’s Groups

Looks fade with time. Find your purpose and make sure the next woman aligns with it or has the same one.

Sea_Broccoli6349 · 2024-10-27T15:48:25+00:00

With you. No advice to give right now. Just know that I'm in the same boat.

Ptsdveterannavy · 2024-10-27T12:41:13+00:00

It is 6yrs this years since our divorce and i finally forgave me and then her and we birth started speaking and being cordial just this month out of 6yrs. It's hard work especially getting over the bs she did as i did my part but still, i feel relief because i told her to her face all my negative(never mentioned her flaws) that contributed to the end. I'm good now i can press forward even more but with baby steps. We've both changed after 6yrs and no i don't want her. Lol, don't this for our youngest son who is 9yrs old. Wish me well and I'm doing the same for all of you.

upvotersfortruth · 2024-10-27T11:57:33+00:00

Circular thinking and intrusive thoughts don’t always get better with time because you’re not making progress or working anything out. I opened up two notes in my phone - one for my thoughts and the other for what I wanted to say to her. Over time, the thoughts I wrote down stopped returning. And the nastiness in my messages softened and I felt fewer and fewer urges to reach out to her. Lastly, I used to go for drives and just scream and shout as though I was yelling at her. That gave great temporary relief.

thraxx171 · 2024-10-27T10:35:37+00:00

Don't give up, you're still here! Baby steps, go for a walk, meet up with a friend for coffee, eat well, forgive yourself, forgive her. Try meditating, I used Spotify, glenn harrold. You can try to find one that fits you.

cowboy-Jim · 2024-10-27T06:55:05+00:00

Listen to “The Process” by Judah and the Lion. It’s a conceptual album about the lead singer/songwriter going through the different phases of divorce.

Helps me greatly.

Redkg · 2024-10-27T05:24:58+00:00

https://www.relationshipsvictoria.org.au/news/break-ups-and-your-brain-10-tips-to-help-with-heartbreak-230130/#:~:text=When%20we%20go%20through%20a,hormone)%20in%20our%20bodies%20increases.

Title	How do I get my damn mind off her
Author	raginggear57
Upvotes	11
Comments	15
Date	October 27, 2024 5:08 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1gd3ouq/how_do_i_get_my_damn_mind_off_her/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/how-do-i-get-my-damn-mind-off-her.1534091 https://theredarchive.com/post/1534091

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