Last post for a while. Time to stop thinking about it. Thinking about her brings zero good, only agony. What’s the point of thinking about it. She’s gone, she’s never fucking coming back, she hates me, if she knew how much pain I was in she’d probably find pleasure in it. I’m sure she’s with another guy talking shit about me making fun of me or something. She always did and now she gets to all she wants. I lost her, and it’s my fault. There were underlying issues. But I gave her the reason to go. Seemed like she’d been waiting on one. But nonetheless it’s my damn fault. Thinking about “I could have done insert everything wrong I did better” isn’t going to help. Doesn’t matter if I’ve changed. Or would do anything to bring her back, she’s gone. When I close my eyes I see her walking up the beach looking at the sunset. I probably have 400 pictures of her on the beach she was so beautiful.

BUT She’s never coming back. There’s nothing I can do to change it. So there’s no reason to ruminate over it. I’m not going to keep kicking myself over the actions of someone who doesn’t exist anymore. Just have to go forward become the best man you can. Everyone tells me to hate her. I’ll never be able to do anything but love her. She’s the biggest blessing the lord ever gave me. And now I hope the lord provides her with nothing but blessings and happiness. Sucks she doesn’t want to be with me but I just want her to be happy. She gave me the best years of my life. But, there will be better years to come. Gods got a plan, throwing myself into my faith has brought me a lot of peace as well. Sorry for the rambling. Thanks everyone for the help and kind words. We’re all gonna make it.