How effed am I?

Hot-Jump-1548 · 2023-10-26T03:56:48+00:00

Why are you willing to let her have sole custody of the kids? They need a father (possibly more than they need a mother.)

Why? I don't understand dads that don't fight to see their kids as much as possible.

jimsmythee · 2023-10-26T02:11:24+00:00

There’s no way she can get $900/month from what you make. That’s a pipe dream!

Tell her she needs to work full time. Or you will get a judge to give her a deeded income of minimum wage full time.

Acceptable_Piano4809 · 2023-10-26T01:17:23+00:00

Don’t worry about the abuse claims, unless she can prove it, they all claim it… my wife was abusive to me, I never laid a finger on her, rarely raised my voice, but these days to them, if you ever had an argument you verbally abused them… my wife did the whole “protected address” thing trying to make me into the villain but judges see this stuff all the time… unless you actually abused her, don’t give it a second thought…

It doesn’t matter whose debt was who’s or who paid the bills, everything will be divided equally, unfortunately, but that also includes the debt…

You’re not any more or less fucked than any of us…

Look at it like you’re paying a price to learn a valuable lesson about life, and that is to never trust a woman, as the second they feel bored or that you’re not making them feel like the princess they are, and they can move on to someone else they feel is better, they more than likely will…

Hold your head high, and start thinking about yourself and your own needs, and never fall into this trap again… marriage is a scam, that is absolutely the truth..

Brilliant-Tomorrow55 · 2023-10-26T05:54:08+00:00

At that income, she's getting next to nothing, especially if she can be imputed income herself.

You're gonna pay something, unless you fight fight fight for split. File first in NY and that may make her come back. Ask a lawyer to be sure.

Either way, you have expenses that will get deducted from your gross after taxes and I can't for one sec see you having enough to pay 900. Give her child support money for now, nothing else. Make a judge tell you what to pay before you offer to do alimony.

She left you, you didn't ask for it. Court can't get blood from a stone.

MartyMcFly7 · 2023-10-26T16:46:13+00:00

Giving it a Google, it looks like alimony in NY is (with minor children): 40% of the sum of both parties' incomes, minus the payee's income. They will probably impute her income at minimum wage, or $15 an hour. Since you're at about $21, it doesn't look like she qualifies.

My ex wanted $1500 but ended up with nothing. Wives tend to ask for the moon and negotiate down from there.

Mediation is still the best option IF she can be reasonable. If not, it can get very expensive very quickly. I thought our divorce would be easy, so we started with mediation. $85,000, 2.5 years, and 3 laywers later... we're now divorced. (And we're not rich.)

AirSailer · 2023-10-26T15:35:25+00:00

Has the divorce papers been filed yet?

xjeeperx · 2023-10-27T00:01:53+00:00

As a mid-30s guy myself, I moved in with a relative. Almost at the 2 year mark from the final divorce and I’m still not out on my own. It’s definitely not ideal, but only have one kid that is young enough that privacy and a separate room isn’t an issue yet, so I’m just making it work until I get my stuff right. Granted I work 60 hours a week so I’m basically only there to sleep, but moving back with your parents isn’t the end of the world.

vinarch75 · 2023-10-26T01:52:11+00:00

Let it go. Drop it mentally. It would get better

capitalawesome2016 · 2023-10-27T03:23:57+00:00

She has the kids full time out of state against your wishes?? The kids want to be with you! You need to step up and let her know it's not ok to take your kids away from you. Send her a text. Get that in writing. Get her response in writing. Call the police to ask if there's anything they can do for out of state kidnapping (probably not because they're with their mom). Her lawyer may have advised her to move out with the kids.

Getting your kids back to you needs to be the top issue you discuss with your attorney, it is worth spending money on! You also need to stay in the marital home the kids grew up in until there is a signed agreement filed in court.

Don't worry about what you think she'll claim in court. If there is no evidence, it's all he said she said and the judge will ignore it. Even police reports are he said she said gossip without a witness.

Sorry you're going through this, good luck.

Title	How effed am I?
Author	Appropriate_Breath91
Upvotes	11
Comments	13
Date	October 26, 2023 12:25 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/17gjq5o/how_effed_am_i/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/how-effed-am-i.1236368 https://theredarchive.com/post/1236368

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