How long do you work at it?

JohnnyMnemo · 2019-10-13T21:53:59+00:00

Whatever you do, for the love of god, don’t have kids.

Personally I tried it for 9 months. I really only stuck it out that long because I didn’t want to break up the family. And lose 1/2 of my accumulated savings and have an uncertain future. But we were together way longer too.

Why does she want it to work? It’s probably more fear of the unknown than to be with you at this point, and that’s resolvable. If she’s disgusted by you physically then thus is over. That visceral reaction is really hard to come back from.

delongpike · 2019-10-13T21:43:06+00:00

I'd say you've been side-lined and she is keeping you in "beta status" until something better comes along. She is actually gone at this point, she just has not let go.

If none of the work you have put in to date has worked, it is time to work on yourself and shift your focus away from this failed relationship. Your personal value exceeds what is left of the relationship.

Side notes:

Marriage counseling is NOT about fixing issues in the marriage, it is about assisting the female to get the outcome SHE wants. It is an expensive joke for the man.
Women can go years without "knowing what's wrong" --- and this behavior is often used to side-line the man.

wolpak · 2019-10-13T20:47:08+00:00

The only way to make it work is risk losing her. If you fight it, it's done. If you focus on yourself, work out, eat right get your shit together, it will change you and her for the better (or one of you). If you already do that, then gtfo.

2019-10-13T22:32:58+00:00

Fuck that, Bro - ditch that ass. If you talk her into staying, she's gonna hold that shit over your head and next thing you know she'll be having sex with George Clooney, in your bed, with you in it.

SchulteA · 2019-10-14T02:25:54+00:00

Ok dude this is what I figured out after leaving mine. Date nights cant just be date nights, they need to be dates like you would take a woman you just met or you are just newly seeing. Lots of sappy shit touchy feely shit that you are probably sick of doing by now. The other thing was stop using phrases like ,you said, you did, she said, she did. Replace them with I. I said ,I did, I feel, I understand. Do not blame her instead look at your self. Fix you as you will never ever change her, only she can do that

hustlors · 2019-10-13T22:23:10+00:00

Sounds like she should see a therapist by herself. She probably has issues she needs to work through on her own. My wife and I went to couples therapy for 1 year. Then I went by myself for a few months. What I learned is that I needed to make changes in myself and unfortunately those changes showed me that my marriage wasnt right for me and now I am getting a divorce. Therapy isn't just trying to fix a broken marriage it is to help you see the answer that is best for you. Sounds like you already know yours. Divorce is brutal but you'll get through it. Good luck.

Fish1776 · 2019-10-13T23:39:58+00:00

Make sure to do the divorce in TX.

mrradical43 · 2019-10-14T20:00:45+00:00

fuck being a part of this ridiculous drama. take 'The red pill' and confidently walk away with your head held high bro! SELF RESPECT CHIEF. without it you aren't much at all.

SpacemanLost · 2019-10-14T01:45:47+00:00

She also says she wants to keep trying. wants it to work.

When she says that, it's an admission that's it's not working, but she doesn't have anything better.

Remember the joke about the definition of insanity? - doing the same thing over and over expecting a different outcome. You have to look hard and be honest if that would describe your particular situation of "trying to make it work". I lost over a decade to that insanity.

delongpike · 2019-10-14T06:20:38+00:00

I hope my earlier comment was not too cold.

Keep your chin held high, move forward looking for the best for yourself, find new interests and stay occupied for the good of yourself and others who really show they care about you and don't get depressed over this shit, instead VOW to come out stronger! 💪 💪 💪

vabab8 · 2019-10-15T12:55:51+00:00

Please DM me I have a lot to say but offline.

ArtisticQuality · 2019-10-13T20:26:19+00:00

> 6 months no progress maybe worse

You got your answer. I'm from the camp of trying to make it work, but the evidence shows if it's not getting better after a while it just won't. I would say within 6 months you should be able to see the needles pointing in your direction. If not, most likely things are not going to get better.

> She also says she wants to keep trying. wants it to work.

If you have any hope of breaking through, you'll need to do a lot more than you are doing now. You'll have to rock the apple cart hard.

alphatectz · 2019-10-13T22:30:22+00:00

Tried for over a years, none of us filed yet, I know she is in a relationship with her affair partner of over a year now as well.

Cainbeatz · 2019-10-14T03:44:56+00:00

If you truly love her don't give up .try a new look maybe nothing over the top . Do something for her that you've never done before.you might have to switch up your personality. You might be what alot of women call "too nice" just don't go over the top with any changes you might make .good luck.

Title	How long do you work at it?
Author	Jeffafa666
Upvotes	8
Comments	36
Date	October 13, 2019 8:10 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/dhft7u/how_long_do_you_work_at_it/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/how-long-do-you-work-at-it.819142 https://theredarchive.com/post/819142

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