Is this a trap?

Eve-3 · 2022-01-24T02:12:19+00:00

I can see a lot of potential pros in this for you so indeed it would be worth asking a lawyer about.

If she's out to screw you then it's because she doesn't want to be married any longer anyway so getting an easy divorce before you hit the 10 year alimony marker is a huge bonus. If the paperwork/division is equal that's better than you'd probably get in the divorce.

Any chance she thinks she's about to come into some money and she doesn't want to share with you?

kapriece · 2022-01-24T03:28:05+00:00

Fuck no. Absolutely not. Do not do it. Sounds like she thinks you're dumb and will fall for it. Theres nothing keeping her from going back on her word. I got stuck with a car payment so fuck no. I think a car payment sucks and I can't imagine a house. Go with your gut. You know this is a bad deal. You can find a dozen videos of women telling women how to secure the bag before dropping the divorce papers. This sounds scarily close to what my ex did.

im2old_4this · 2022-01-24T06:19:10+00:00

I divorced last year and my now ex convinced me to keep the house, still in both our names because neither of us wanted to mess with my kids even more than what's done. She had gone back to school to finish her masters, so I wrote up some documents the court approved about how ill pay the entire mortgage for the year she needed to finish school, if at the end of that she would cover half the mortgage for two years so I could finish my school.

Well we're approaching her graduation and she seems to be pulling away from the idea of helping with the mortgage. I did write into the divorce paperwork that in the event she can't come up with what she promised after she graduates, then the equity in the house is split 60/40 in my favor. Thing is I don't want to sell my house, and she knows it. Pretty sure she's been manipulating me from the start.

It sucks trying to be amicable and do what's best for my kids, because honestly I feel taken advantage of. I've been working my ass off to cover the whole mortgage and decent lives for my kids. I thought I was going to have a break to finish my nursing degree so I would be in a better spot. Guess not, now I have zero idea what to do.

Sorry that was a rant, your story just reminded me of a lot of my shit

thefudmaster · 2022-01-24T02:16:12+00:00

Two hurdles: 1. Can you both agree to everything in writing? 2. Will a judge approve it?

pegleg_legal · 2022-01-24T02:37:54+00:00

Paper divorces are very common here but not sure how they'd work in your jurisdiction. You need to make sure she doesn't then apply for welfare benefits or anything or you both could get dinged for fraud.

With no cash flowing either way for child support and a waiver of alimony, while she could come back for child support at some point, there would need to be a substantial change of circumstances and she would be living in your non-marital house. Also look into tax implications.

At the very least, you hit the reset button on any alimony obligation.

If she's game and your lawyer signs off on all aspects of it - seems like a good way to protect your assets and future income stream from her irresponsible financial decisions.

NotUsedUsernameYet · 2022-01-24T02:38:15+00:00

Divorce decree can be set aside. If she changes her mind (years after you “divorce” and buy a house) - she can hire a lawyer and set divorce aside (cancel it). The fact that you’d still live together will make it even easier. I am not a lawyer of course.

Chip512 · 2022-01-24T03:32:59+00:00

It’s too easy for her to kick you out of your house if you’re cohabitating. If you’re going to divorce then get on with your life.

derelictherds · 2022-01-24T04:29:11+00:00

So basically get divorced, you buy a house, then she moves in with you and the kids.. am I understanding correctly? Was divorce already in the cards?

Throwaway4120213 · 2022-01-24T06:41:24+00:00

This is a Pyrrhic victory for you. In exchange for an “amicable” divorce - she gets to shackle a ball and chain around your foot by forcing you to buy a house, co-habitat, co-parent together, have you do things around the house and support her?

Wow - I have to give it to your ex if she can pull this off - basically granting you an amicable paper divorce but practically shackling you to her as if you were married. AND if you don’t listen to her after the divorce - you better believe she will still threaten to go back to Court to alter custody and child support - keeping you under her thumb well past divorce. Your ex is an evil genius.

No - just get a divorce. 50/50. If the pay differential is only $20k - there won’t be much child support or alimony. Split your assets. Move out. Be free and live your life man.

lostcanuck007 · 2022-01-24T06:50:45+00:00

under no circumstance should you have a house for yourself or the family. I would honest to god tell you to hide whatever finances you can in a SCORP or something (assuming you're in the USA) or hell just buy a damned NFT and recycle it.

You should also prepare for a whole bunch of shit, people usually react badly in these situations when they know they can't have what they want. Right now you are an ATM to the woman. She wants a house in your name or hers but probably wants you to pay the majority of the down payments or the mortgage.....yeah..raising your net asset value before court or right before an reevaluation. you should get far away from her and live separately. agree, in writing when you can take the girls out so it seems like a schedule existed before shit hit the fan.

Although, on the flip side, if you can get shit like this in writing, you might have a chance, and only if you both play fairly (which is usually impossible). honestly i was talking to a US lawyer at some point and he mentioned certain people can enter into a agreement to form a company and the company assets be the assets of the family. you write in the bylaws that the assets are forfeited in case of certain actions. kids can be shareholders too but are disentitled from the monetary value of the shares until certain ages or certain conditions are met. Then you have a postnup signed that's tighter than a teenager. Then you get a divorce agreement signed that repeats the language and its more restrictive (which is where you and her both agree you're not taking the debt from her). you have a good chance for not 1 but 3 successive agreements to hold up in court. This would be 3 different lawyers, but you're only paying for their writing of agreements that they think are iron clad, protect you and her and the kids from your stupidities. and protect you from inheriting the debt. Have this conversation with a lawyer present (but only after you guys get multiple sit down convos before this) and have that lawyer draw up the initial agreement, then take it to a lawyer that specializes in contested dirty divorces and get his opinion. Build on it. include severe penalties on her to be paid to the corporation in case she does x or y or z...US tax law is no joke (canadian is just sad). This way no matter if a US divorce judgement rules against you and nullifies the post nup and the divorce agreement (should be difficult given the agreements), the next hurdle and COMPLETELY different beast is a corporate agreement, and people lose millions fighting such agreements if drawn up by competent contract lawyers. ( i have actually seen an agreement where the house is owned by 2 different "companies" between and husband and wife and the retaliatory clauses actually included a "10 million dollar" payment for any sort of reputational or otherwise harm to the other company or directors of that company" both of them earned below 50000 USD a year at the time.

Thing is you're now protected from 3 different angles, you've spend probably 1/10th the money and you have it in writing that your ex is going to behave when it comes to you and the kids. hope this helps, IANAL but iv been surrounded by them as family, friends and my personal experiences. good luck my friend.

rsmiley77 · 2022-01-24T13:17:03+00:00

No amount of lawyering is going to clean this cluster up. It is a trap. Don’t fall for it. If you must… divorce first…. Then purchase home. Then write a lease agreement between the two of you.

Eve-3 · 2022-01-24T02:03:55+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Title	Is this a trap?
Author	alcosexual
Upvotes	6
Comments	21
Date	January 24, 2022 1:54 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/sba8hc/is_this_a_trap/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/is-this-a-trap.1097894 https://theredarchive.com/post/1097894

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