We're getting divorced. We met when she was 17, I was 21 and had an on-off relarionship (she didn't want to commit) up until 2006. when we started going steady till today. Married only recently (less than 2 years), and we have 2 kids, autistic 4yo and a 3mo together, and a recently bought house on a 25y loan.

After the birth of our first son, my wife became a different person and even though I was a VERY engaged parent, even stay at home dad for 2 years, she progressively gave me less and less love, affection, care, intimacy and sex.

We had sex 3 times on my initative in 5 years up until she threatened divorce (while 8m pregnant) and I said yes, but she folded and we had a month and a half long hysterical bonding phase with the best sex of my life even 2 times a day sometimes.

After the birth of the 2nd child, she came back to her normal non-affectionate self. She's a very gentle and good mother, but can't apply that gentleness towards me, as she pushed me and pushed me always further up until I broke down physically and mentally. This didn't bother her much, and I even ended up on ER due to severe panoc attack whete I thought I was going to have a nervous breakdown due to exaustion from work, house and kid chores and feeling of loss of a trusted partner and anchor.

She confronted me today after I did the gray rock for a month or two (I was the one always apologizing in our relarionship, even though my concerns were legit and valid).

I told her I probably won't change because I need this emotional distance to save my ego and keep sane and not get hurt all the time by constant rejection. She didn't want to hear anything I had to say, as "she heard it all before" and copy/pasted my entire issues with her and projected them onto me: I'm not tying, I'm this and that.

I held my ground (mosty due to support by my close friend in a similar ungappy marriage, and a younger girl who I met recently - she likes me but nothing happened ever apart from some drinks and a coffee) and the decision is to get a divorce.

She's staying in the house, as I told her selling it would be idiotic and a complete loss (I gave my half in cash, and she took a 25y loan on her's). We'd get nothing back if we sold it today.

She want's me out of the house soon, very soon, and wants 100% custody and add her surname to the kids' family name. I also can't take my kids to summer vacation with me as she doesn't trust me yet, even though I spent 2 complete years with that kid alone and as stay at home dad. Vacationing together is rejected outright.

I told her I'm not holding any grudges and I'm not angry or resentful but she is and told me I ruined her life.

A little background, when we met she was failing her colledge and after we started dating she changed colledge, moved into my parent's flat for 8 years, was the best student of the generation, got a job, got a driver's licence, a better job, stopped smoking, drinking, doing pot, became a mom. I took her 18 times for a month long vacations, catered to her every wish and whim. Never denied her myself, my time, my love or my money.

I lost all of my friends, didn't go out for 15 years, had nobody to talk to but her, I don't smoke, drink, gamble, cheat, abuse her or the kids, if I'm not at work (I make 1.5-2x her salary), I'm with the kids, I do house chores, house and yard work. When they go to sleep I used to steal time from my sleep to read or play some computer games. I never hit her and in 20 years maybe insulted her 2-3 times in a heated argument for which I apologized.

Give me your thoughts.