I'm 44 years old and I'm getting divorced. I was married for 27 years. I still love her very much but she isn't happy and I don't want to be the thing that stops her from being happy. She is not interested in trying to fix the marriage in spite of being an upstanding member of her church. We both decided to divorce as amicably as possible. I'll miss her but I don't want to see any more of her tears.

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I'm just venting here. I'll answer any questions but I'm not really soliciting advice or feedback, but hey, you're free to do what you want.

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I met her in high school. We were both oddballs, social outcasts. Before I knew it I had a son on the way. I dropped out of high school but managed to beat the odds. I am now a salaried I.T. professional. I previously worked for two fortune fifty companies as well as a state university. I served in the Army guard in my 30s for bucket-list reasons. Our children are all 18+ now so no custody worries. We've both made some pretty big mistakes but in the end we were just two very different people who by some miracle managed to stay together this long.

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I'm in therapy trying to become someone I don't hate or think will be dead in a year. I self-medicate for PTSD (not service related) and will soon be participating in EMDR therapy. I did ask the future ex if she would go to marriage counseling but it's too little too late. I do believe that she has been thinking about this for a while and was looking for the exit for some time. I do believe my past traumas as well as my ill coping methods are a significant factor. For that alone I don't really blame her.

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I'm not bitter or angry (yet?) like I see in others. No judgement. The part that really hurt was that my daughter (20) had just survived a near-fatal bilateral pulmonary embolism (clots in the lungs). I stayed with her through her care in the hospital by myself. My first hint of something off was when I asked my wife to come visit me as I was staying in a hotel in the city my daughter was life-flighted to. She wouldn't and had no good reason why. It was awful. I was scared for my daughter and received no comfort from my wife. My wife only visited out daughter once in the hospital. Two weeks after our daughter was released, back home for recovery, my wife dropped the D-bomb. Since it's amicable she and I can fill out a form, file it, and then a judge will just ask us if we agree with what we wrote then it's done. I expect to be divorced before the 4th of July.

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I know I'll be okay but I must admit that it's going to be hard. I describe myself as socially awkward. I don't have much in the way of social support. I'm going to miss the hugs especially. Plain old human physical contact. My hope is that as I deal with my distant past in therapy I can put some things away and maybe a "new" me will either develop or will emerge under the cracking facade that is me right now. Once I feel healthier I hope to find someone to spend time with. I seriously doubt I'd ever marry again. Just live in sin....😂

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For now I just focus on what I can control. My tone, my words, soul-searching to uncover what my interests are because, believe it or not, being a father / husband was most of my identity and activity. I hope to learn to be more social, to explore more hobbies and pastimes.

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Again, just talking out loud / ranting here. Be safe and have a great day everyone!