Last night my son came up to me while my SO was out of the house and said, "Daddy, I have been hearing you and mommy fighting," I interrupted, "we have been fighting a lot less lately", he continues "but what I want to say is, I have have been hearing you and mommy fight and I just want to say, I really hope you don't divorce. I just want a perfect family, not one that is divided."

For context, he is pee-teen.

But I froze, I couldn't say anything, because a divorce is what I truly want, and yet it breaks my heart because he is going to have to go through this process because two adults can't tolerate each other anymore.

Most of my post history is hidden, comments deleted due to "discovery" in my state so this will be taken down as well before too long.

Situational TL:DR

  1. Emotional abuse has been running rampant in the relationship since the beginning.
    1. I don't think it is intentional, I think it is simply how she knows to interact with people, children..etc
  2. alcoholism has destroyed many things and is continuing to run its course with no end in sight.
  3. I am starting to see the effects of alcoholism on my children
    1. there is a lot of research that has been done on children raised in homes with alcohol dependent parent(s).
  4. I have called the cops on her (to no avail) 3 times due to drunk driving.
  5. There have been threats of violence from her when she is drunk and mad.
  6. She has kept me awake till 3am arguing with me, even standing over me while trying to go to sleep and screaming bloody murder in my ear.
  7. I document everything, take pictures of the state of the house, as well as drinking in front of the kids and have a picture of her throwing up in the kitchen while the kids are still up.

I'm actively planning a legal separation.