Life after leaving

BeginningProgress551 · 2025-12-02T03:32:18+00:00

So twenty years together, 17 married and she left in June basically due to perimenopause and being a "girl boss" getting her PhD. Divorced in August, no kids. 47 me and 40 her.

I floundered HARD for a good three months, then actually started to feel better. Had one big set back with a panic attack (I think) but since then, it's been much better.

I have chosen to date right away which you may or may not want to do. It's been a mostly good decision, lots of upsides emotionally and answered questions about my own self worth. I now can see more good about my life now than bad.

I just had Thanksgiving with the new lady 's family, and she with mine. I don't know if this is a rebound or real, but I am enjoying the experience and letting it breathe.

I have enrolled in college to be able to switch careers next fall (degreed waaay back in 04, but going to give teaching try) and planning a round the world trip across Asia next Summer if the Russia/Ukraine deal has died down. I want to take the Transsiberian train. Diet has slipped with the holidays and dating, but plan to hit it again hard this month.

I have found that at the 6 month mark I feel like a rocket on the launchpad. Whether I explode or take off, it's going to be me that gives the countdown and that's liberating.

Good luck in your own divorce journey

koskesh122 · 2025-11-29T12:50:51+00:00

Well bud, join the club.

50% of all marriages end in divorce. 2nd marriages have 60% divorce rate and 3rd marriages 70% divorce rate.
90% of all divorces initiated by the women. • Child support, Alimony, your pension + retirement savings, government support + housing incentivizes them leaving you.
90% of custody awarded to mothers.
False allegations of abuse are prevalent in family courts. • You will be called abusive in order to stress you out so you give in to their unjust demands.

What to do now?

Settle your case ASAP. • The leeches (Judges, Lawyers, Therapists, Legal system will want to bleed you dry by leveraging your kids against you) The system gets paid by you fighting for you children.
Find a hobby.
Focus on your career/start a side hustle/Make more money.
Hit the gym daily.
Stay away from SINGLE moms at ALL costs and anyone who claims their ex was abusive. Do NOT raise another man’s child. You may end up being on the hook financially (Child support) for their kid if you leave.
Travel once a year.
Read books like No More Mr. nice guy
Open up the New Testament and start reading daily + listen to Charles Stanely on YouTube. • Learn to forgive your ex. This will set you emotionally and mentally free so you can begin enjoying life once again.

upvotersfortruth · 2025-11-29T07:34:58+00:00

Seems like about 90% are doing way better 5 years on.

ninjaxams4 · 2025-11-29T05:41:26+00:00

Its really hard and you have to put in the work for things to improve, not wait for it to happen.

I struggled really hard the first month I moved into my own place but eventually became comfortable. Another month or so passed and I met someone I really enjoy spending time with.

I had a really rough past 6 years. Was cheated on and treated like shit by the person who I trusted most and tried to fix things as best I could (I couldn’t move past it and she filed). I’m now with someone who values who I am and my whore of an ex wife is left stalking my location like a psychopath lol.

IllustriousIce159 · 2025-11-29T05:30:18+00:00

For me, the success wasn't getting a new car or dating again. It was finding out that my dignity wasn't up for negotiation anymore.

When the divorce hit, the hardest part was the spiral, the emotional reactions, the checking her social media, the feeling that she still held the control. I realized I was focusing entirely on her life, not mine.

The success story is the shift to silent, surgical control. I built a system for myself. A daily structure that became non-negotiable. My mood stopped mattering. Instead of asking myself, "How do I feel?" I started asking, "Did I act like a man I respect today?".

Once I applied cold, hard discipline to my fitness, my finances, and my boundaries, the sense of security and self-respect just followed the systems. That feeling of regaining silent power, that's the real win after leaving. It is absolutely achievable, but you have to stop waiting for feelings and start building structure.

Honestly this can be applied to winning many aspects of life. But I’ll tell you what, it helped immensely with rebuilding my life after we separated.

curtdogg47 · 2025-11-29T04:07:05+00:00

Being cheated on and then eventually left hurts! Having your family broken apart by someone who put themselves and their desires ahead of our kids sucks.

What I see now is just how much I was giving for nothing in return. How hard I tried and was met with no effort on her part. And just how mean and miserable a person she is. And my favorite is seeing her with her new husband and looking in that poor man’s eyes and seeing who I was at one time. The life being slowly sucked from him. And I go oh shit that used to be me.

Meanwhile when I have my boys we have a great time, and I am the happiest I have been in years. And just wake up each day full of joy!

There is a part of me that wishes she had of choose to work on herself and the relationship with me. There is also a part that is grateful she cut me loose and spared me any more time with her. Because she was not a loving or kind wife or partner.

Factastical · 2025-11-29T03:32:23+00:00

I left a pathalogical liar and cheat. 4 years later after a multi year long silver bullet process with countless false police and sheriff's complaints, my new blended family is doing great. She lost the respect of all her family for it and many other things. The kids judged her some but not fully as I kept most things from them despite them withessing the bullets for years. I never escalated or filed anything. Ripped apart the lawyer, the child advocate and the clerk who did not act impartial. She got scared shitless and withdrew and signed everything. She is a repeat loser but was spared. I found wild success in speaking up eventually. Don't let people abuse you too long. A hint for men out there that face the same. If you are working, providing and paying child support, you're almost untouchable. False reports will go nowhere. Don't be the systems victims. Sit there and be silent for years until your time comes. Then stand up and rip these fuckers to pieces if it pleases you to do so.

Title	Life after leaving
Author	One_Hot_Doggy
Upvotes	7
Comments	18
Date	November 29, 2025 3:20 AM UTC (8 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1p9eb0r/life_after_leaving/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/life-after-leaving.1567663 https://theredarchive.com/post/1567663

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