Parenting plan

whiskey_piker · 2024-04-28T04:48:04+00:00

Ages of kids would help.

Keep the schedule as simple as possible; you do not want to need the court documents for every event. Week on week off is simplest. Don’t ruin Christmas and Thanksgiving with same day transfers. During the school year, keep transitions to school as opposed to picking up at the other house. Make transitions on Fridays so you have the weekend to settle in. Don’t make rules about a household that isn’t yours. Cooperate as much as possible for Sports/extracurricular activity- don’t sign ip for a sport that breaks the other parent’s pocket book or makes their schedule unbearable. Plan time for vacations in the summer (even if it is a staycation). Limit holidays that change the schedule as much as possible; only Spring Break, Thanksgiving, and Christmas/ New Years, mothers / fathers day, and kids birthdays. Consider a neutral public meetup for non-school day transitions.

OctinoxateAndZinc · 2024-04-28T03:08:22+00:00

Or maybe things to consider?

Ok, so what you're going to want to do is adjust your plan so you see this person AS LITTLE AS POSSIBLE.

50/50 NO MATTER WHAT. TIME is the ultimate commodity now. You can always make more money, social events, ect but you can NEVER make time. No one looks back on their kids childhood and says "I should have worked more during your soccer games and recitals and days with me!"
Hand offs during the school year are on school days. I.e. She drops off Monday and you pick up Monday after. Avoid swapping on weekends if you can and in person if you can. Time away from your ex is huge - out of sight out of mind. If the kiddo was off (holiday/break), you would pick up. More later.
There are day options - 2-2-5-5, 3-3-2, 7-7, ect You'll need to figure out what is best.

a. 2-2-5-5: Parent 1 has them every M/T, parent 2 every W/Th, parents alternate F-Sa-Su (Good for young kids, kindergarten age though gradeschool/Jr High)

b. 2-2-3: Parent 1 has them M-T, Parent 2 W-Th, parent 1 F-Su, parent 2 M-T, parent 2 W-Th, Parent 2 F-Su (repeats)

c. 7-7: Parent 1 has them M-Su and the parent 2 has them the next M-su. (Good for older kids)

d. 3-4-4-3: Parent 1 has them M-W, Parent 2, Th-Su, Parent 1 M-Th, parent 2 F-Su (not great as one parent gets all the weekends)

PLANS, and others, HERE: https://www.custodyxchange.com/topics/schedules/50-50/
That said, whatever plans you get, when a parent days start they are PICKING UP. The reason? When your kids get older you DO NOT want to have to drag a kid into your car to go to moms when they dont want to go. It makes you the bad guy. And if you cant get them? Well mom will be up in arms accusing you of trying to cause problems. ALWAYS make them pick up (and you pick up) because if a kid doesn't want to go the pick up parent will have to deal with it.
Right of first refusal (ROFR): If a parent is unable to watch kid(s) for a determined amount of time (can be whatever you agree on) the OTHER parent gets first crack at watching the kids, over say her mom or her getting a baby sitter. From what Ive read anytime over 8 hours or from 9pm to 8am seems to be the most fair. Asking for ROFR because the other person is busy for 2-3 hours is just going to cause more drama, AND limit what you yourself can do. Worth noting that there WILL be times either her or you DONT call when you should but unless its chronic a court really isnt going to give a damn. You'll need to document a ton to show its not being followed (i.e. she has her mother watch them every night after 6pm-11pm because shes out but that 9pm+ time you should have).

a. make a list of people you're ok with transporting your kids because it will happen - dont name specific people just "uncle(s), Aunt(s), Grandfather(s) ect so you're both covered.

b. this is done so a holiday/break day you dont have to do a pick up and some randos home
DO NOT Agree to cover joint child care costs during 'anytime' its needed. ONLY agree to cover your costs (baby sitter, after school prg) on YOUR days. Otherwise she can get a baby sitter from 3pm-8pm every night she has them and suddenly your paying 50% of child care on her time.
Figure out your holidays and swap time. 8-9am is good. Figure out of you both want 1-2 weeks in the summer to have the WHOLE week. Same with spring breaks on alternating years. Put in that you'll have the option and if one party does not make use they DO NOT get make-up/swap time later. Use the break time or lose it and it goes back to a reg schedule. You'll have to look at a calendar but try and time your weekend to line up with Fathers day and hers with Mothers day. They are the same every year and it is a pain in the ass to swap on an off weekend for those days as they are emotionally charged.
Put in either party can contact the kids at the other parents when they want, at a reasonable time, and without the other parent interfering. If your kids are older also note that parent communication to kids on the other parent time can include games online (i.e. xbox love, psn, ect).Z
No corporal punishment. (i.e. hitting kids as a form of discipline)
Depending on custody one parent might have primary decision on school/dr/therapists/religion. Push for co-decision making.
Notification from one parent to another if the parent gets a new Job/address/phone number/primary email (better yet establish WHAT email(s) you'll officially use)
A right to attend any and all events and activities appointments conferences and extracurriculars on both parents days. You dont want to get screamed at because you showed up to your kids softball game on her day.
NO COMMUNICATION THROUGH THE KIDS (i.e. Mom told me to tell you [important thing that should be documented in an email])

Without knowing more about what you might have already, dude, you absolutely need to get a lawyer to at least draft something/review what you both come up with or you'll get rolled. I know in a comment you state you're out of work but beg and borrow to have someone spend an hour looking over whatever you might come up with or see if they can recommend other stuff. Might run 350-500$ but you NEED to do it. The half a grand you spend now can save literally thousands.

Depending on how much your spouse did does, expect ZERO help from her and from her family on ANYTHING. Its time to start to become familiar with your kids Doctor, dentist, teacher(s), counselor(s), and anyone else they see/talk to outside of your home. Start volunteering at the school and get your butt to any and ALL appointments. You're allowed to be there even if its on the other parents day.

This is all I could think of off the top of my head - all of the BS above was a borderline fight for me to get and cost like 20k.

upvotersfortruth · 2024-04-28T03:00:09+00:00

Virtual visitation
Pick up and drop off procedures.
Make-up visitation (Depending on whether that's good for you)
Gift giving policy.
Kids showered, fed, watered, laundry done and homework done before drop off.
Non-disparagement clause.
Grandparent visitation time.
Right of first refusal if the parent cannot exercise visitation (potentially subject to grandparent visitation).
Screentime, online and content poiicies.
Reasonable notice and informing of vacations out of the jurisdiction.
Limiting contact by the other parent during visitation time.
Definition of "emergency" for purposes of contact.
No scheduling of activities on the time of the other parent without agreement.
Religion, if any.
detailed money matters re: expenses not covered by child support, etc.
Handling SO - e.g. no exposure to children until 6 months after the relationship begins, no calling the other one "dad" or "mom"
The ability to modify some aspects of the parenting plan without going back to court by mutual agreement.

That's all I can think of from the top of my head. Generally - the more detailed and pedantic the better so you have an easy fallback position.

savage_cabbages · 2024-04-28T00:38:29+00:00

There are heaps of templates online, just google some and pick a format that suits

dday_throwaway3 · 2024-04-27T23:43:22+00:00

Have you retained an attorney? They will know what the necessary minimums are to include in your parenting plan for your jurisdiction. And if they've been in biz for any length of time, they know which stipulations to keep out which is just as important.

ehzog · 2024-04-27T21:35:50+00:00

Put in a maximum distance that your ex can reside from you.

Relative_Raisin_5428 · 2024-04-27T21:06:21+00:00

6 months before new partner meets kids 1 year for overnights

TechnicalAd5152 · 2024-04-27T20:10:18+00:00

Do not accept anything less then 50/50 or very close to it and absolutely die on the hill of legal custody

Ok_Solid_5038 · 2024-04-27T19:07:41+00:00

Parent to Parent pickup is always good if you’re sick of your in laws.

Title	Parenting plan
Author	Change_username_5
Upvotes	4
Comments	12
Date	April 27, 2024 6:56 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1celzoy/parenting_plan/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/parenting-plan.1516603 https://theredarchive.com/post/1516603

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