~ archived since 2018 ~
Popular
Other
[deleted]
[–]ninjafudo12 8 points9 points10 points 5 years ago* (11 children) | Copy Link
Yeah sounds like you messed up.
I was always disapointed in my ex wife but id accept her just the same and always forgive her after i got initially upset. She left me because she felt like she wasnt good enough... And she also confided our marriage problems with a male work "friend" for over a year behind my back on text and in person amd "not dates" dates... . So i guess i dodged a disloyal bullet by her leaving?
I still get memories of rhe good times though and that makes me feel like i was lucky to have her while i did. Its one of those 5 phases of grief. You remember the good things but not the bad. There was a reason you left, either you werent happy or you were. Seems like you werent happy? Maybe didnt talk it over first? Normally i say anything in marriage can be worked out through detication and compromise and therapy etc. My ex didnt give me the choice to work it out after marriage counciling made her feel worse.
[–]Leather-Doctor5793 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
Sorry bro. I wasn’t happy either but I guess maybe I’m thinking Thw things I wasn’t happy about were dumb. I didn’t like that she had a “once a week” rule with seeing my parents, dressed the kids, basically took over the household duties and decorating.
[–]ninjafudo12 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
She took over household duties??? Damn. Thats pretty sweet. Homely women are the best.
I gotta bribe my new gf with a video game on a computer (only i know the password for) and tell her its how she pays rent (the cleaning list).. In order for her to do cleaning. She likes to cook though at least. And my currrent situation is pretty clutch.
[–]Leather-Doctor5793 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
She didn’t take them over. She just always did them. She wanted to cook, clean, do the laundry, do the landscaping, decorate the house, pick out the kids’ clothes, plan the birthday parties and activities.
[–]DeaconYermouth 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
So you’re saying she wanted to be a wife and mother? Were you expecting that she would ask your mother to do things for your family?
[–]Leather-Doctor5793 -1 points0 points1 point 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I found those things that she wanted to do controlling. Like she wanted to dress the kids a certain way and wanted to pick out their clothes. She liked the house kept neat and clean always was just really rigid. She liked the kids to eat healthy and was in charge of what they ate and spent hours finding new recipes for them( not anymore obviously bc I have them half the time). I found all of that so controlling. I did expect she would include my Mother and ask for her opinion and help, Bc she asked her own Mother for her opinion often.
[–]SebastianArnault 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Sounds like an ideal wife tbh. This is what a lot of men want. For whatever reason a wife like that didn’t align for you.
[–]DeaconYermouth 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I would have given my left but for my STBXW to want to take that active of a role. We wouldn’t be divorcing to be honest.
[–]toooldforthisnonsens 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
She was having an emotional affair. Consider reading Not Just Friends.
[–]ninjafudo12 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Im aware bruh. I put friends in the quotes lol. First thing she did after the split was move in with him. Lol now she tells me "we're just room mates"... Yeah.. Sure.
[–][deleted] 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
[permanently deleted]
[–]ninjafudo12 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Lol. I guess we're both better off?
[–]Mavik52 3 points4 points5 points 5 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
Your situation sounds like the polar opposite of what most men on this thread experience. The wife you are portraying sounds like an incredible partner, there has to be details you are leaving out. What exactly prompted you to decide that you would be happier without the relationship than you were at the time? And that it would be a more ideal environment for your children?
[–]Leather-Doctor5793 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
When we first got together, she was just so nice and outgoing and we had so much fun together. When we had kids, she focused so much on the kids. I wanted my parents to be more involved than once a week and she wanted to “be our own family”. That led to a lot of resentment. I couldn’t get over it. I figured my kids were little enough that they would be better off and can see my parents multiple times a week now.
[–]Mavik52 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
How much of this was influenced by your mother?
[–]Leather-Doctor5793 -1 points0 points1 point 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I confided marital problems in my Mom and Dad. just think we had differing views on family after we had kids. She wanted to develop a nuclear family and I made it clear I wanted my parents to be more involved. We didn’t agree and my Mom was often disappointed and that caused a strain. She helped me to get an attorney and a house.
[–]Mavik52 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
What your wife was asking for sounds reasonable. Now if she communicated some issue with your mother being around too often, and you enjoyed your mother being around then you have a talk and find a way to meet in the middle while also communicating that your mother is welcome in your home, and it's not open to negotiation. The subtext of your responses gives me the impression that your mother commands a large amount of influence over you. And you started this off with wondering if you made a mistake getting a divorce. Perhaps you already know what the answer is, and your instincts are calling out. What's done is done, but you can still learn invaluable lessons from this. Ask yourself, was the decision to get divorced my decision alone free from any one else's opinion? Did I clearly communicate my wants and needs to my wife and listen intently to hers and try to find a solution to address the issues? If I could do it again, is there anything I would do differently, and why would I do it?
[–]HarbourView 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Sounds like OP was the sort of husband who would bail if things got tough. Clearly his home life was not so bad that he had to split up his own family. Not a good husband, not a good father.
[–][deleted] 4 points5 points6 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
It sounds like you were putting your mothers needs above your wife’s.
[–]Leather-Doctor5793 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I really don’t see how that’s the case.
[–]Adorable_FecalSpray 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago* (1 child) | Copy Link
Your marriage got challenging? What’s that mean? Sounds like you realize you might have had a good thing and are now realizing that. Sorry to hear that man. Or maybe your divorce is still relatively new and you are missing the “good” memories?
No, zero regrets on my part. 100% am satisfied that mine divorced me. At least 70% more peaceful, more fulfilling and less stressful life since she moved out. She tries to engage me ALL of the time and I want absolutely nothing to do with her. Unless it is directly related to the kids please stop talking to me.
I am so so glad she went through with her literally constant threat over the 15+ year marriage.
Since before the divorce was final I have been working on myself and various things to make me the best version of myself that I can be. So far, I am pretty pleased with my progress.
You need to find some stuff to focus on besides your Ex.
[–]GetDatAdvice 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Thank you for the encouragement. I have been pursuing divorce on and off for 3 years, and I’ve always been curious about the possibility of regret.
[–]dday_throwaway3 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
I'm three years post-divorce, and I initiated after 14 years. My only regret is not divorcing her sooner.
My wife became a different person after our second child. You can't carry the weight of the marriage on just your shoulders. And your ex will be fine. She's an adult.
Spend time on post-divorce reconstruction. Invest one year into yourself for self-discovery, renovation and revitalization. Find things that you've always wanted to do, learn and experience and enjoy those things for a year. Develop your skills and knowledge in these things (rock climbing, playing a musical instrument, billiards, etc) and you'll find yourself making more time for them. If you do that well, you’ll have the foundation for a lifetime of happiness.
Then what you'll find is that after this investment in yourself, the women that come into your life won't be competing against other women for your attention. They'll be competing against things that really bring you joy and fulfillment. And it will take a truly exceptional woman to accomplish that.
Signs you are not finished with your post-divorce reconstruction:
You fear being alone. You seek validation from a partner. You’re still renting headspace to your ex.
When you no longer need to clutch onto a relationship, and you have your best self to offer, that’s how you know you’re ready. Don’t be surprised to find that you don’t have the time to date once you’ve started enjoying your new found freedom.
Good luck.
[–]Leather-Doctor5793 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Thanks, I’m not worried that she won’t be fine. I’m pretty sure she’s fine now. She is the kind of person who is loyal to a fault and then reaches a point and is just done. You were married a lor linger. We were married for 6 years, kids 5 and 3. I do go to therapy and TBH, that’s where I have realized a lot of this. You say your wife changed and so did mine...but doesn’t everyone change? That’s life, of course people are going to change, evolve, according to my therapist. As an example, she didn’t want my parents to come over more than once a week. She wanted to select kids’ clothes. I thought that was controlling. I would confide in my Mom about it and she agrees. A few weeks ago this all came up in convo with a friend I hadn’t seen in a while. The friend actually sort of laughed at me and thought those were really dumb things.
[–]AuntieSaurusRex 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You might want to go check out the JustNoMIL subreddit for some different perspectives on in-laws and frequency of visits/confiding in your mom about your wife.
[–]dday_throwaway3 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You say your wife changed and so did mine...but doesn’t everyone change?
She forgot how to be a wife.
[–]DeaconYermouth 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Your friend laughed at you because he was right. The more I read your responses throughout this thread, the more I’m thinking you’re trolling.
[–]trickymw 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Wish my wife was like that... she was just mean, all. The. Time.
Talk to a therapist, you’ll feel better😊
[–]hollydeen 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
OMG grow to fuck up. Bet you're hoping your mother will take over your household responsibilities. Bet she's dropping off the casseroles on the weeks you have the kids, coming over afterwards to clean up. Doing your laundry and grocery shopping and listening to you crank.
Grow up son. There's a lot of work to be done. You have no idea. And mom is going to get old and tired and maybe unable to run your life. Who's going to do it then?
[–]MysteryMe72 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
She had a “rule” on how often you could see your parents ? Plus all the other stuff ...seems that she controlled you . Good move to get of there man. We all have regrets and 2nd guess ourselves . I was married 26 years and then could no longer take who she had become. Yes , I miss the good stuff , but the bad stuff was also very real and was killing me .
You made a decision for you . Not everyone likes it . But that’s ok . Be true to yourself and don’t be harsh on yourself
[–]Leather-Doctor5793 -1 points0 points1 point 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yeah I felt she was controlling
[–]DeaconYermouth 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (10 children) | Copy Link
So you divorced your pregnant wife at your mother’s urging because she felt she wasn’t involved enough in your marriage and family life? Jesus dude, it sounds like 99.99% of the guys on this forum would have killed for what you had. You’re probably feeling regrets because you are realizing that what you did was stupid.
Hope you find some peace in your decision and can find a way to cut the apron strings before you try and more grown up relationships in the future.
[–]Leather-Doctor5793 -1 points0 points1 point 5 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link
She wasn’t pregnant when I divorced her. I got the lawyer when she was pregnant but she didn’t know. I filed for divorce and custody shortly after the baby was born. My Mom didn’t urge it as much as she just agreed that if my wife wasn’t in the picture, she and my Dad would be able to make more decisions for the kids and help me and see them more than once a week. My Mom can now take my son to school and the kids activities instead of my ex wife and that makes happy bc my Mom gets more time with kids and my ex doesn’t get to see the kids as much or take the lead like she was.
[–]DeaconYermouth 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
No offense but it is extremely difficult to sympathize with you. All of the “issues” you have pointed out with your wife sound absurd to an outsider.
You say your wife was “controlling” by picking out your infant/toddlers clothes, keeping a clean house and preparing healthy meals for them while not asking your mother to do it for her...you even said that your mother “agreed that if your wife wasn’t in the picture” then she could make more decisions for them. Guess what, as the grandmother it isn’t her place to “make decisions” for your kids. That is 100% the role of the mother and father.
I don’t mean to sound disparaging but your mother sounds like an out of control nut job and helped facilitate the demise of your marriage. No wonder your ex wife doesn’t want to talk with you at all during exchanges. She’s only now realizing she married a mommas boy who couldn’t cut the apron strings. I sincerely hope for your sake that there were some other significant issues in your marriage and it wasn’t all just a result of your mother’s meddling ways.
No wonder you have regrets. They are justified.
[–]Leather-Doctor5793 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
But how aren’t those things controlling? She thought she could do everything better than me and my Mom and wanted all control over those things. I think that’s the epitome of controlling.
[–]DeaconYermouth 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
SHE’S THE MOTHER! It’s her job to be “controlling” over the lives of her toddler and infant children. That’s not your mother’s job!
[–]Leather-Doctor5793 -1 points0 points1 point 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Ive been reading and pretty sure she’s a narc. Those controlling tendencies or thinking she can do things better than I can are all signs.
[–]DeaconYermouth 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Let me guess, your mother suggested some of the articles or books supporting your suspicion? NPD is no joke, and you wouldn’t have suspicions if she were truly NPD. If anything, it sounds as though your mother might be NPD based on your description here.
Look, I certainly wish you the best and I sincerely hope there was more wrong with the relationship than what you have let on here in this thread. From what I’ve read, your wife was absolutely justified in setting some boundaries with your mother (limiting her visits to once per week, not letting her make “decisions” for the kids, etc) because you’ve described a very controlling and immature woman (and I’m not talking about your ex). The fact that your mother played this large of a role in your divorce so she could have more access and decision making control over your kids is proof that those boundaries were very valid.
I guess I just didn’t really love her anymore. She would get on me for everything. I would sleep in and she didn’t, I wouldn’t work out like her, I would eat a burrito or pizza or whatever, and instead of encouraging me to change or suggest things I could do she would nag me and call me spoiled or blame my behaviors on depression or medications, when really she just made me miserable. I was always on edge that she would be upset over something my parents said or did and it was never enjoyable when we were all together after the kids. She didn’t want to travel with them or allow them to take the kids to things and her maybe sit one out every now and then. She always wanted to be there.
[–]BougieB_83 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You probably should have married and procreated with your mother, I think you would have been happier. So glad your wife has been freed.
© TheRedArchive 2026. All rights reserved.created by /u/dream-hunter
[–]ninjafudo12 8 points9 points10 points (11 children) | Copy Link
[–]Leather-Doctor5793 1 point2 points3 points (6 children) | Copy Link
[–]ninjafudo12 2 points3 points4 points (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]Leather-Doctor5793 1 point2 points3 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]DeaconYermouth 0 points1 point2 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]Leather-Doctor5793 -1 points0 points1 point (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]SebastianArnault 2 points3 points4 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]DeaconYermouth 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]toooldforthisnonsens 0 points1 point2 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]ninjafudo12 2 points3 points4 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]ninjafudo12 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Mavik52 3 points4 points5 points (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]Leather-Doctor5793 0 points1 point2 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]Mavik52 1 point2 points3 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]Leather-Doctor5793 -1 points0 points1 point (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Mavik52 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]HarbourView 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 4 points5 points6 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Leather-Doctor5793 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Adorable_FecalSpray 2 points3 points4 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]GetDatAdvice 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]dday_throwaway3 2 points3 points4 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]Leather-Doctor5793 0 points1 point2 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]AuntieSaurusRex 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]dday_throwaway3 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]DeaconYermouth 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]trickymw 2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]hollydeen 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]hollydeen 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]MysteryMe72 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Leather-Doctor5793 -1 points0 points1 point (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]DeaconYermouth 0 points1 point2 points (10 children) | Copy Link
[–]Leather-Doctor5793 -1 points0 points1 point (8 children) | Copy Link
[–]DeaconYermouth 1 point2 points3 points (7 children) | Copy Link
[–]Leather-Doctor5793 0 points1 point2 points (6 children) | Copy Link
[–]DeaconYermouth 1 point2 points3 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]Leather-Doctor5793 -1 points0 points1 point (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]DeaconYermouth 0 points1 point2 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]Leather-Doctor5793 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]BougieB_83 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link