Responsibility in Counseling.

lemmingsrevenge · 2020-04-18T06:51:35+00:00

My case was similar, my ex tried to turn everything into my fault. My ex tried to use counseling as a way to double team me. The counselor for the most part agreed with me so that didn’t last long.

originaldopey · 2020-04-18T12:48:58+00:00

I suggested to my wife for years that we go to counseling. She said “Why? They are just going to tell me that it is my fault and I need to change. Why would I pay to hear that?” We finally spoke with a Pastor that she had befriended. Every issue she had he told her wasn’t an issue and the issues I had he asked her to try to change. Needless to say we didn’t speak to him after a couple trips. I finally lost my patience with her and told her I wanted a divorce and she is saying it is my fault.

JAlfaMais · 2020-04-18T15:46:09+00:00

Same thing happened to me. She went to “check the box” and say she “did all she could do to save our marriage”. Had zero intentions on listening to how wrong she was.

4agreements · 2020-04-18T15:37:06+00:00

By the time you go to counseling, it is 3 years too late.

daedalis2020 · 2020-04-18T16:30:08+00:00

Yep, counselor had to shut her down in therapy because she kept talking over me and telling me how I feel.

Eye opening for me for sure.

TheWakeSurfer · 2020-04-18T18:39:46+00:00

They do it to show they tried, regardless of any intentions to repair. Check a box as someone else said.

I had a cousin go and his wife‘a first word to the councilor were “I don’t love him and I want out”.

Big_Daddy_PDX · 2020-04-18T21:00:21+00:00

It’s really subjective to judge the work or effort another puts in. Ultimately, the person that has a larger share of work for change either does enough (in your eyes) or not. Most problems like this are when you wait to go to counseling until after one of the couple has flushed the relationship. How do you get back after that?

But yes, I(48) initiated the divorce from my ex(52) and reluctantly agreed to go to couples counseling - not to “ save “ the marriage- but because I knew we’d need to get along for co-parenting. Her? Couldn’t make enough of a change for me justify staying.

Edit: also, very rarely will a counselor ever admit that one person has more to do or whether or not “enough” work has been done. But our counselor got damn close. He just kept adding it up for me on my solo sessions and once I finally came to grips that she wouldn’t ever hangs, it was MUCH easier to move on to the next step of putting divorce in motion.

samk002001 · 2020-04-19T18:25:38+00:00

Wow! So many similar cases here. My stbxw was saying the same thing, but likely I dodged the bullet of not paying counseling for nothing. I tried to offer date nights, game night, and etc. I can see her that she had no intention to save the marriage but scared to say it’s over. Now, she says to other people that I filed the divorce so she has a bf now and it’s justifiable. I’m learning not to pay attention what other people think and focus on myself. I need a lot of improvement of my life and soul...

Bobfrom815 · 2020-04-19T23:49:29+00:00

My STBX and I both went to separate counselors, as I was already in it myself. Then plan was to bring us and ot respective counselors together for grip sessions occasionally. That lasted twice, as my counselor called the STBX out on being passive aggressive and suggesting a better way to communicate. Nope. The STBX knows she is the only one that's right.

Title	Responsibility in Counseling.
Author	heretothemoon
Upvotes	10
Comments	12
Date	April 18, 2020 6:36 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/g3j1hm/responsibility_in_counseling/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/responsibility-in-counseling.1198995 https://theredarchive.com/post/1198995

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