Rough week

Open-Jacket-6499 · 2024-07-27T10:19:25+00:00

Bro the temptation to help is real and is because you're a nice person. But nice people need to protect themselves. I strongly recommend reading "No more Mr. Nice Guy" by Robert Glover. You need a new mindset and this book gave me that. If you don't have time for the book, just look up a podcast by the same guy. It helped me. It'll help you.

Flashy-Excitement247 · 2024-07-27T00:23:26+00:00

Listen to the guys here. You should not be dating. Firstly because you sound very vulnerable, and that in itself is setting you up for another emotional train wreck. You need to achieve indifference,as has been pointed out. Then, your mind.is free to see clearly how to repair the damage. Seeking another woman is a bandaid to a lacerated aorta. You are still going to bleed out. You need major surgery to save your life. This got rather more graphic than I expected.

This_Train340i · 2024-07-26T23:51:31+00:00

Most guys need to be at a point of indifference before they start dating new women because a new girlfriend isn't going to replace the hole in your heart until you've put in the work to have it healed. "It all comes crashing down ..." would be the expected result just 5 months post separation. It takes time to heal brother. Fill up your life with activities, hobbies, and healthy habits that edify the soul, and feed your brain with the wisdom of the sages until it is all you think about. Read and meditate on Marcus Aurelius' Meditations. Look out for yourself as the #1 priority in your life so you can be the #1 person in your kid's life.

Expert-Raccoon6097 · 2024-07-26T22:57:11+00:00

The only way to let go and move on is to go no contact. Go at different times to meet the teacher. Keep contact to an absolute minimum needed for the kids. Her anxiety is the boyfriends problem, not yours.

Dressing up is not going to impress her. Once a woman flips the light switch off for a guy it can never be turned back on. It is how they are wired. She will never look at you romantically ever again....you will either be a friend, co-parent, atm or some combination.

I'd advise taking a few years off from dating to grow and heal. You'll not get this opportunity again.

p71interceptor · 2024-07-26T22:23:16+00:00

Good luck on your date bud. Be open and honest with these new women. Some will turn tail and run if they catch wind that you are not fully over your ex or the loss of your marriage and that's totally ok. But some may appreciate the honesty. Either way, focus on yourself and be honest about what you want these next couple of months. If you are still bleeding from your divorce the last thing you want to do is bleed on a girl you really like. That will set you back emotionally if it doesn't work out.

Everyone needs time to heal but everyone's healing journey is different.

Pro-IDGAF · 2024-07-26T21:19:21+00:00

you really need to work on moving on. i know, easier said than done for some people. and understand what most women are really all about and that is not one man. they seem to have some the ability to jump ship easy.

most guys will stick it out in a less than perfect relationship but women are selfish and unfeeling. its their nature, IMO.

Lumptbuttcat · 2024-07-26T20:14:23+00:00

I often thought about what it would require to undo my divorce if my ex came back. I have a simple list of criteria:

She would need to undo having sex with AP.

She would need to recover every cent of cost incurred by the divorce.

There would need to be a 100% guarantee she would not cheat again.

She would have to undo all the trauma to the kids.

Point is, what was left ain’t ever coming back. She may come back, but nothing else is better. Wrap your head around that. Reality is you don’t want her back. Trust me, you’ll get to that point soon. Hang in there.

BlackSun56 · 2024-07-26T20:09:34+00:00

I’m sorry man. It gets easier. You’ve held onto the feelings of wanting to save it longer than I did. I was on the dating apps about six weeks after she threw me out of the house via restraining order (total bullshit). In hindsight that was probably too fast… but I ended up finding g an amazing girl so no harm no foul.

Look, she’s made up her mind. She’s going to try and keep her hooks in you for as long as she can… but don’t let her. She cheated. She left. She ended it. Get through this as fast as possible (it totally sucks) but make sure you have a good lawyer who will pay attention to the details. It’s worth the money in the long run.

Focus on you. Hit the gym. Work out. Hang with friends doing fun things. Go to therapy (that really helps). When you’re ready, date lightly.

This will turn around. I promise. You will start to see little rays of sunshine in the course of your dark days. I know you don’t believe it now, but the time you do have with your kids (I have three with my ex) will be more special, and the time away from them will be great time for you and eventually your new girlfriend. The feelings of love for her and the loss of her will fade, and you will be able to see her for what she really is. An ungrateful, manipulative, cheating liar. In time, the kids will see it too. It just takes time.

In the meantime, be the best you can be for yourself and the kids, and eventually (it took me a solid two years) you will start to see the light in all of this.

It will get better. Trust me.

Title	Rough week
Author	0neMinute
Upvotes	15
Comments	24
Date	July 26, 2024 7:22 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1ecwk01/rough_week/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/rough-week.1525410 https://theredarchive.com/post/1525410

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