She wants a divorce

dday_throwaway3 · 2022-06-20T21:51:29+00:00

You'll get over it. Your wife isn't one-in-a-million, she's one-of-a-million.

Your daughters are counting on you to be there.

RideATX · 2022-06-20T21:39:09+00:00

It gets worse, then much, much better. Focus on yourself, be super dad when you have your kids, and work on becoming a better version of yourself. It's going to suck and be painful, but it's now a business transaction and you have to approach it as such. Separate your emotions, and don't fall on your sword trying to be nice. You can do this, we've all done it, it sucks but you will make it through. Stay strong brother, you're kids are counting on you.

Cool-Abrocoma-1927 · 2022-06-20T21:51:50+00:00

Having been in the same situation years ago, I can tell you with three kids you got more love than you know what to do with. Just focus on them and you'll survive. I realize how scary and miserable it can seem but honestly you can go through it. Just hang with the kids while you have them. Then use your free time to look for a nice people to be around. Just put one foot in front of the other till you get there. Ignore the ex and more than likely she'll be regretting her decision.

WartimeDad · 2022-06-20T22:35:07+00:00

Start lifting heavy weights. Do push ups every time things feel difficult, starting now. This will put chemicals into your brain that help you deal.

Your daughter will always be your daughters and they will always love you. Many people grow up in two-home families and turn out just fine. They deserve you happy, and right now you’re not.

Don’t put her on a pedestal. There are many women that are available and will appreciate you as you are, even with the kids. So, frankly, beautiful and wonderful women is actually something to look forward to, down the road. Be careful of longing for the IDEA of her, and be cognizant of what she really is…

Beware of her ability to turn this into a nasty contentious legal battle. Record every conversation. You should sit down and think about what 50/50 looks like. Split everything up fairly. Then hit record and see if she is agreeable to that stuff. Because later she might suddenly think you’re abusive and a shitty dad and that’s really all she needs to say to a judge to make it go her way (for awhile). Especially after she gets a lawyer, that lawyer might tell her she can get more than 50%. You don’t want her to backtrack. So now is actually one of the best times to strike a fair and reasonable deal. Don’t wait until there’s lawyers between you and a whole bunch of animosity about who got kicked out and who stayed etc etc. simply hit record and get her on record agreeing to 50/50 parenting time, 50/50 split of assets, etc.

You’re going to be so much stronger physically and mentally after you get through this. Most of us who are years out from nasty divorces are actually happier than we have EVER been. Not all of us, but most of us.

I feel your pain because I was there. Right now it looks like everything is over and the future is dark and bleak. But from these ashes you will rise into a much better version of yourself. Please believe me it gets so much better.

So, start working out now. Learn to meditate.

Make sure if you post here it’s with an anonymous account. post here when you need advice. Check in. You’re not alone. Wishing you good luck and sending you good vibes. Hang in there.

captainjacksparrow84 · 2022-06-20T22:44:59+00:00

I'm so sorry bro. I'm going through the same thing. Found out like 6 months ago that she had an affair, and I had to end it. I know it doesn't feel like it now, but it does get better. My kid on Fathers day sat next to me after we spent all day at the beach and just randomly said "Dad, I love you very much, and I miss you when you are gone" and it meant the world to me. Those moments become even more meaningful. Start excercising even if it is just walking/running etc. Again, I'm so sorry man, I know it's rough. Keep your head up. You got this even if it isn't what you want.

kor_hookmaster · 2022-06-21T00:49:21+00:00

Hey man. Sorry about all this. Genuinely sorry.

I was you, nine months ago.

I know the feeling of overwhelming despair that feels like a trapdoor opened beneath your soul. The feeling like someone has carved out your insides and used what they took against you. The hammering realization that you feel like everything is over and it'll never go back to what it was. The lie you tell yourself that your children would somehow, insanely, be better off without you in their lives.

I've sat and planned, with alarming clarity and pragmatism, how to best end my life and have it be as quietly non-traumatic to the people in my life as possible, especially my young son. But I'm still here.

Because those are the thoughts of a wounded mind and soul caught in the blastwave of the detonation that rocked your very existence.

But just like any explosion, it's a brief moment of chaos and intensity. It doesn't persist.

Like some others in this thread have said, it's get's rough but it gets better. You will have dark nights were the despair feels crushing. You'll have moments driving alone where your thoughts will return to the very moment your world crumbled around you. But you have to find a way to redirect those thoughts, because dwelling on them (and possibly adding alcohol and/or drugs to the mix) can take you to some decisions that can't be undone.

If you have close friends and family you can reach out to and rely on, do it. This is the time when it's not weakness to reach out if you feel you're spiraling or that you can't trust your own thoughts. And don't feel guilty about reaching out or that you're "bothering" people. If roles were reversed and they were hurting like you're hurting, you'd drop everything to help them. So cut yourself some slack.

Strengthen those social support tethers, they will help tremendously. There's a bunch of practical things to check off that you will need to do eventually, but that's a discussion for tomorrow. Right now it's about keeping you afloat while the shock sets in and wears off.

If you feel you have no one to turn to, truly, DM me.

sublimeonskunk · 2022-06-21T03:11:16+00:00

Hey man, 3 daughters myself (4,6,8 at the time), 7 mo post actual divorce. Its gonna be really shitty for the next few months. I'm not gonna bullshit you. But it will get better. Your daughters are all that matter. Just figure out the legal part so you don't get hosed worse than the legal system already allows. Cry as much as you need to, then move the fuck on, cause life is too short and she ain't worth it. I promise you.

Bloody_hell_Donny · 2022-06-21T01:56:18+00:00

The most important thing you can do right now is under no circumstances move out of your house. No matter what she says, or what you think “the right thing to do” is. Once you move out you give up any leverage you have in the divorce, especially with custody of minor kids is involved. Stand your ground brother. This will suck pretty fucking hard, but in the end if you don’t do anything stupid like eat a bullet you will be OK. My divorce was a nightmare but now I’m re-married and happier than I ever was the first time around. Good luck.

upfnothing · 2022-06-20T23:17:12+00:00

You will make it. Those kids need you. Everyone of us has been here. You’re marital relationship is over. The sooner you transition to the new new the faster your adaptation will happen. Avoid alcohol and use weed sparingly my 2 cents mmv.

leightergeighter · 2022-06-21T07:43:40+00:00

I’m in the same boat- out of nowhere she left. No tension in our house, no discussions of separation. She left On our oldest’s birthday. We have a 10, 8, and 5 year old. Said she never loved me and that she was never attracted to me and that she only ever had sex with me because she thought she should, not because she wanted to. I’ve given everything for our family and for our future, and that wasn’t enough for her. That was 3 months ago. I’ve kept it together for the kids. I will continue to be the father they deserve, even when their mother bailed. I’m finding myself again somewhat even after this short time. You will too. Hang in there.

CasanovaFrankenst1en · 2022-06-21T14:06:08+00:00

Offing yourself isn't worth it. I've been there, and I can tell you from experience that even if it never gets better, at the very least you faced it. You need to make a choice at some point whether to "live" or "survive." There is a huge difference between the two. Let me tell you friend, as someone who chose survival, cut off all communication from family or friends, that is NOT living.

It seems to me that you hate the situation you're in more than you hate yourself. That's good, build off that. Build off your kids. Build off of any hatred you have for the decision that was made for you. Whatever it is you chose, build off of it. You haven't lost yourself yet.

And that's not to say that you can't kill yourself. Vargus said: “If you want to kill yourself, kill what you don’t like. I had an old self that I killed. You can kill yourself too, but that doesn’t mean you got to stop living."

Ultimately, Endure . . . That's really all we can do.

Cocomaroon · 2022-06-23T11:24:18+00:00

You will make it through! You’ve got this.. please be strong, you have 3 BEAUTIFUL daughters!

Time will heal everything ! :)

Title	She wants a divorce
Author	oxtrot88
Upvotes	31
Comments	17
Date	June 20, 2022 9:22 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/vgw7gh/she_wants_a_divorce/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/she-wants-a-divorce.1120677 https://theredarchive.com/post/1120677

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