Should I be petty af!?

JasonInNJ · 2020-08-10T07:44:55+00:00

Divorced almost two years now.

When we got divorced, I seriously fought the urge to tell anybody besides a therapist, but one day, my neighbor acted all concerned and wanted to know what was going on. I told him just a bit of the situation in confidence. Then, he told his yenta wife, and that was the end of privacy for me, for my ex and for our kids.

Anyway, I'd advise you to keep things close to the vest. Literally, nobody gives a shit about hurt feelings, doing what you are saying accomplishes nothing good, and all you'd be doing is looking petty.

1000x this if you have kids.

No_more_BPD_2020 · 2020-08-10T10:52:51+00:00

Talked to my therapist about what to say. He said take the high road, don't tell anybody shit, say we grew apart and thanks for asking. Frankly it also makes you look better to any new love interest rather than something messy, evem if it was.
I told precisely one friend that has connections to my job and other friends and regret the shit out of it because I know he'll blab, plus he got weird and kinda took her side on some stuff that was none of his business. I shoulda kept it to very inner circle only.
Also, the I have to stay no contact in any way including social media. Not good for me.

dday_throwaway3 · 2020-08-10T11:09:11+00:00

You're letting your ex pay rent in your head. It's time to evict her. Turn up your Don't Give a Fuck meter another notch.

4agreements · 2020-08-10T15:34:42+00:00

No one gives two shits about your marriage, divorce or drama.

Seriously.

Do you care that your mailman got divorced? You are just as important to 99.99999% of the world, as your mailman is to you.

DogFashion · 2020-08-10T14:55:55+00:00

My ex has vilified me to anyone who will listen as well. I've had the same urge to "set the record straight", but listen -- those people on social media don't care. They don't care what she's saying about you or the new guy. It's interesting for about three seconds.

Now, any real friends who may be swayed by what she's said and they haven't come to you for your side of things? Those aren't real friends. Let them go. I've dealt with that too, and it hurts.

Stay focused on yourself and the path ahead. Let these people of no consequence fall by the wayside.

gonadi · 2020-08-10T15:09:21+00:00

You’re dissolving a corporation now. Yeah she did you wrong, but be the bigger person. Let her friends think whatever they want. Don’t let your emotions get in the way of you making calculated decisions that will benefit you in the long run. The longer you can play it close to the vest, the better it will be for you.

thuguelet · 2020-08-10T15:45:45+00:00

If she is taking this much about you, she is clearly not over you or the relationship.

Your her ex, of course she is going to trash you and talk up the new guy. Most people are like this.

This is about her and not you.

Try not to take it personally and focus on you.

What matters most is Your kids, if you have any. Self care Self healing

I know it's hard not to retaliate, but you should do what's best for you. Time to move on the better things.

Good luck and best wishes.

divorcethrowaway672 · 2020-08-10T19:24:52+00:00

I've never said my side of things to anyone.

I think it's important to tell the truth to your family and close friends, but you don't need to be talking to her friends or posting on social media about it. This is esp. the case with a cheater that has been lying to your face, because they'll lie to everybody else too, if they think they won't get caught.

In my case, I told both our families about her affair with this fugly married man with children younger than ours, and few other close friends. I also warned her if it gets back to me she is making up stories about me (e.g. that I was the one cheating on her), then I would tell the truth to everyone she knows.

lemmingsrevenge · 2020-08-10T20:42:35+00:00

Take the high road brother, when it's all said and done you'll hold your head up and know you handled the situation with honor.

Besides what does bad mouthing accomplish? Do you really care what your ex's friend think about you? Fuck em, and fuck anyone who judges you without knowing you.

Little girls play the game, big girls don't tear someone down to build themselves up.

cuckington_thebutler · 2020-08-13T12:53:51+00:00

If you have proof of her affair then expose her cheating ways said proof otherwise as you have learned she will spin the narrative " she just says that I didn't treat her right and that made her have sex with this guy 15 years younger. "

Guarding your reputation isn't being petty.

InsidiousToilet · 2020-08-10T07:49:35+00:00

I mean, if you're already divorced and it's a done deal, that's up to you. Consider the backlash, and what you'll gain/lose if everyone turns against you. If it's all good, go for it: tell the truth, and block her from seeing it so she has to hear it secondhand just like you did.

Title	Should I be petty af!?
Author	Lawlers_Law
Upvotes	11
Comments	15
Date	August 10, 2020 7:33 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/i70fgp/should_i_be_petty_af/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/should-i-be-petty-af.817983 https://theredarchive.com/post/817983

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