My problems with my ex started a couple of years ago. I'd been having some physical and mental issues so working full time was hard for me and my ex had to go back to work instead of being a stay at home mom (I should note that our youngest was in high-school at this point). She was less than happy about that. I can make a lot more per hour than she can. We were both bringing home the same amount, I just wasn't working full time like she was. She started having an affair with a guy she worked with. I don't know for sure that it was physical but she was definitely lying about how much time they were doing stuff outside of work.

That caused a huge argument and she left. I was an idiot and still wanted to work on things because, you know, that whole "til death do us part" thing. She didn't and filed. She went back to the town we were from with oir younger son who blamed me for everything too. She'd always guilt tripped me for leaving that town because her family lived there. They moved in with her mom. My mental state was worse than it had ever been and I bounced around from job to job because I just couldn't keep one. Months passed. Divorce was finalized. I wasn't good for a good year or so. I was supposed to sell the house and give half the equity which means I'd have to move to an apartment that wouldn't be as nice or large as our house even though it would be more expensive. My ex was very insistent that I spend a bunch of cash to get it ready to sell and since she had a better lawyer there was eventually an order to do it her way. Then things started to change.

I got physical and mental help. I did an intensive outpatient program at a mental institution. I saw a therapist regularly. I got a good combination of medications to help my depression. I saw my doctor who did a test and saw my testosterone levels were ridiculously low and got started on replacement therapy which made a huge difference.

With those things taken care of, I was able to get a new job that paid more per hour than I'd ever made in my life. Since I didn't have a wife and kids to worry about, I've been able to pull a bunch of overtime. When I compare how much money was coming into the house with both of us working when we were together, that number is now more than double what it was back then.

As far as housing goes, it's awesome. Because she was so insistent that I spend the money and time to fix the house, that bought me enough time to get my finances good before we got rid of the house. I'm planning on closing on the house next month because I can now buy her out. It's a big enough place that I don't need even half the space so I'm thinking I'll get a housemate or two. I've been looking at how much rooms around me rent for. If I get 2 housemates then I'll have enough coming in from them to pay the mortgage payment. Between what I'm making at work and the money I'll save on mortgage payments, I should be able to pay off the mortgage in just a few years.

The cherry on top of this sundae is that my ex didn't want me to know where she lives which I thought was weird but whatever. I knew she'd moved back here and left her family on her own this time but had no clue where. I'd been talking to my other son and he said something about the little TV she had in the living room died. I just did an address search online for my ex. While I get to keep our nice big house, she's literally living in a trailer park. That's all she can afford with the money she makes. She always managed our money when we were together and I was fine with that which was dumb. After she filed I learned that she had racked up massive credit card debt to pay for the lifestyle that I always thought was dumb. It was all in her name so she's stuck with it. She did it that way so whenever I checked my credit, it wouldn't show up. When she gets her part of the equity most of it will be to pay off that debt plus any new debt that she's racked up.

Just goes to show that sometimes bad people get good things and good people get good things. If she'd just been ok with pulling her weight for a couple years while I get my shit straight and been faithful, we'd be living in a house that would be almost paid off by now and living a good life because the kids were grown and doing their own things. I could have even paid off her credit cards with all the cash that we've both paid out to lawyers for this mess and however much she has to pay for her new separate life.

I get to stay in my home. I'll get it paid off in a few years time. My health, while not great and it never will be because of some long-term issues, is better than its been on years. I've even lost 60 pounds. I've even got enough spare cash to do whatever I want with but I'm doing anything so I can grow my savings.

Stick with it brothers. Stay strong. Work hard. Work smart. Only worry about yourselves and not your exes. If they're dumb enough to trash the life you've built for them, they're dumb enough to trash the one they make after you're out of the picture and you won't have to bail them out this time. Take the time and energy you put into her and your relationship and put it in yourself.

You've got this.