Separated for almost a year. We are both mid 40s and have two young kids. Plan was for me to have kids for the weekends.

Major issue with my marriage is that she never had time or any energy for me. Sex was barely once per month and was so fake/utility that it was obvious. Just zero effort.

We both work full time. She has a love for a sport. In this case she’s judging (for free, it’s volunteer) figure skating. Because no one is joining the judging roles she gets invited to go all over the country at the drop of a hat.

During our marriage she kept adding events. Even with young kids, it was not a problem for her to be gone 13+ (that’s 1/4 of weekends) per year. In the summer there are times when it can be as many as 5 out of 6 straight weekends.

I definitely voiced my frustration. What proved it was when I asked her why it’s okay for her mom to watch the kids one night so she can go out of town but it was forbidden for us to have asked that so we can enjoy a night out together. Her response was “all you want to do is be away from the kids” and “they’ll be grown before you know it.” Ummm? They grow the same when she’s gone!

Now out of the house, she is effectively giving me the kids when she can and is bolting out of town. It REALLY grinds my gears that I was misled and have the kids through Labor Day. This week I was told her new job was sending her to Denver and there was this event in Houston she was invited to go judge after. She left Tuesday AM. I wasn’t told that the Denver thing only really was a Wednesday thing since she was on a flight to Houston on Thursday. She doesn’t return until Monday PM. Effectively a full week away.

I realize I’m enabling and she has what she wants. I’m just venting because it’s complete crap. I just wanted a partner, friend, lover. I didn’t want to be the husband to a skating judge who manages the kids.

I did ask once: “is there a graveyard for skating judges?” You are supposed to get buried next to your spouse, not alone in a sparkly leotard.

I’m so exhausted. It’s work week to kids to work to kids.