Telling the kids

Helpful-Paramedic463 · 2025-12-22T16:20:14+00:00

Sam situation. Married 20 and caught her having an affair. Kids were 19, 17, 12 at the time.

To spare pain, we told them together that we were divorcing. Told them it was not their fault. It sucked especially knowing that she was a cheater. But at that point I put the ego aside.

Your kids will figure out the truth or have a good idea what happened. Mine did and when the asked a few months later, I told them.

I showed them the picture of the dude and they confirmed that my ex had FaceTime them several times with that dude at lunch. She said he was a co-worker and this was before I found out.

They knew something was up.

My advice, show grace because they'll remember how you acted even if you were wronged.

MonkeyBranchBuster · 2025-12-21T12:26:05+00:00

Don't tell the kids details at this point in their lives. They have their own lives and problems and don't need the detailed drama of their parents.

Source: I was a kid and my parents used to draw me in in their shit constantly and it probably fucked me up for life. They never divorced in the end but I wish they did.

I am 45 now and only now do I understand their marriage better, once I had my own similar problems, I was not ready for this shit as a teen.

survivingtheyellowbr · 2025-12-20T23:25:02+00:00

Two points

You tell your kids so they know the truth..period You must adjust the message to there age Do not get into the details…

Turning the kids against her is the wrong reason, if that’s your sole purpose that’s wrong.

Truth should be told so they can know how to manage their own relationships.

I started with this sentence when I told my 15yr daughter..

Me and mommy are no longer together because she does want to be with me anymore because mommy likes someone else.. then u give a example

“Ok so let’s say you have a boyfriend and your where going out and he decided to talk to another girl” follow something like that.

Keeping your kids in the dark is wrong and leads to confusion. Kids need to know what’s happening to understand the emotions that you are both trying to hide.

Of course she’s not interested in telling them and facing the accountability. So she will avoid this .

I told mine, she had to deal with it and my kids had to process it.

Life is not a fairytale..that’s what your kids learn and they also learn about boundaries, self respect , and accountability.’

Square-Year-3706 · 2025-12-20T21:23:28+00:00

I had a somewhat similar history leading to separation and similar time of year. We held off telling anyone until after Christmas and chose not to tell the kids until closer to when she moved out. Mine were younger at the time. Eldest was 9.

I so badly wanted everyone to know about the cheating, and I’m still bitter years later. I’m not sure that’ll ever go away. But please for the love of God don’t use it to drive a wedge between her and the kids. They don’t deserve that. You’ll get momentary satisfaction and then realize the damage you’ve done to them. And then when they’re older, they may resent you for doing it. Not a gamble worth taking.

You also need to keep parenting with this (garbage) person. Don’t make things more difficult.

As far as how we told them - we just sat them down and explained that we wouldn’t be married anymore and wouldn’t be living together anymore. Explained the parenting time split. They were younger so had less questions than you might get. But the older one was upset and just needed to be consoled by both parents.

She made some statements that I didn’t like (“we tried everything to stay together”… lol!!) but once you’re in it, it doesn’t really matter at that point.

Just try to keep the anger and resentment at bay when you’re dealing with the kids.

Good luck - you’ll get through it.

Title	Telling the kids
Author	salt_packet_tom
Upvotes	6
Comments	5
Date	December 20, 2025 8:54 PM UTC (7 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1proh24/telling_the_kids/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/telling-the-kids.1569331 https://theredarchive.com/post/1569331

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