My soon to be ex wife and I have been married for ten years. We’ve been having marital issues for the last few years, and have spent the last year in marriage counseling.

Last night, after the kids were in bed, she told me she wanted a divorce. She said she’s been thinking about this for a while, have talked with family and shared friends about it, and even had a session with our couples therapist about it while I was out of town for work. Apparently her feelings toward me have changed and she no longer loves me. There’s no trying to work this out, staying for the kids, etc. she’s just done and wants to move on.

This isn’t my first divorce, unfortunately. This is however the first where there is no obvious infidelity or glaring wrong doing - she just doesn’t want to be married to me anymore (if she’s to be believed, kinda hard to trust right now).

I’m having a hard time rationalizing what feels like betrayal. I’ve done everything I was asked and then some, and she even admitted that I improved in areas she was unhappy with my behavior, but it’s still not good enough. She’s sat there in marriage counseling and said we were making progress, when in reality she was not feeling any more of a connection than the day we started.

I want to be angry, and I want to hate her. When my first marriage ended, it was because my first ex was sleeping with someone else while I was in Iraq, so it was easy to be angry and to hate. That’s not the case here, and I’m currently at a loss where to put the feelings I feel like I should be feeling. I’m talking with my therapist about this later this week, but I just wanted to share with a group who might understand, and see if anyone has some “non therapy” advice.

Thanks.