I'm 43 years old and married to my wife, who is 41. We've been together for 20 years and have two children, aged 14 and 11. We met when we were young and have been through a lot together.

About a year ago, my wife told me she wasn’t sure if she wanted to stay in our marriage. We went to couples therapy a few times, but it didn’t lead anywhere, so we stopped. I don’t think she wants to divorce now, but she has told me that she’s emotionally shut down. These days, our relationship feels more like a friendship than a marriage.

A big part of the strain came from many difficult years at home. One of our children has autism and showed challenging behavior, which created a lot of stress and conflict between us.

We haven’t had sex in over a year, and even before that, it was rare. We don’t share a bedroom anymore because she says I disturb her sleep. She still enjoys doing some things with me now and then, but she also has a strong need to be alone, which is the opposite of me. I long for closeness, intimacy, and physical affection – things like hugging, cuddling, just being close. She rarely initiates physical contact, maybe just a light touch or holding my hand on the couch.

I’ve tried to talk to her about this many times, maybe every couple of months, telling her that I need more closeness and intimacy. My sex drive isn’t very high, but I’d like to have some kind of regular intimacy – even just a few times a month. As it is now, there’s nothing at all, and I’m tired of bringing it up because I feel like I’m not being heard.

It hurts to say this, but I don’t want to live the rest of my life feeling this emotionally and physically disconnected. At the same time, I still love my wife and would like to build a future together — but I’m starting to believe she won’t change.

We don’t have issues with addiction or finances. On the surface, things are stable. But what’s missing is emotional closeness, affection, and intimacy. I feel stuck and unsure of what to do.

Has anyone been in a similar situation and found a way forward? I’ve tried talking, we’ve tried therapy, but I think a lot of unresolved conflict and emotional baggage got in the way at the time. I’d really appreciate any advice or insight.