When Does it end?

JackNotName · 2022-12-22T13:16:36+00:00

Your son is a teenager, right?

The court will listen to his desires for custody and weigh that along with everything else.

In general, courts are loathe to make a child move. Keeping him with you means your kid gets to stay in the same school with his friends. They don't want to take that away from him.

So, though one can't predict the future, in all likelihood, custody will remain as it is.

Have patience. The longer it takes and the older your son gets, it gets even less likely that your STBX will have any luck.

Since she won't negotiate in good faith, stop trying. Just move through the court system.

But I hear that at trial the moms alway get the kid.

No, they don't.

Single dad with full custody here.

CommanderOfCheese45 · 2022-12-22T16:56:53+00:00

at trial moms always get the kid

No they don't. At trial the judge usually favors whatever the current situation is. Most of the time the "current situation" is that dad hasn't successfully coerced mom into a fair sharing arrangement and she's withholding the kid, and the judge just says "welp, that's just how it is" and canonizes the situation.

She won't settle anything that doesn't give her full custody? Then don't settle crap. You have the high ground. Don't move an inch from it.

dday_throwaway3 · 2022-12-22T22:45:00+00:00

Status quo is the greatest bias of the court. The fact that your son lives with you and she's the one that moved away makes it a fantasy that she will have full custody. And she'll be paying you CS.

The only way mediation works is if trial is scheduled as a backstop. With a looming trial date, she has no reason to come to an agreement. Only the fear, uncertainty and doubt of a stranger in robes making life altering decisions on her behalf has any chance of making her rational long enough to mediate an agreement.

When you find yourself back in mediation, follow these excellent tips: http://forum.mensdivorce.com/viewtopic.php?f=6&t=46407

Continue being Superdad. Your kiddo may not appreciate or recognize it now, but when he's older he sure will.

derelictherds · 2022-12-22T18:01:33+00:00

Dude it seems you're holding all the leverage. Her stalling could actually help you with permanent full custody. How long has that temp custody order been in place? Are you familiar with the term "status quo"(regarding child custody specifically)?

Has anyone had full custody until trial and then lost it?

see comment on status quo. If you've had full custody for 2 years, then your stbx's battle for custody will be an uphill one.

I would even be okay with 50/50.. is that something that could be ordered?

IMO You're potentially in a position where offering 50/50 to your stbx would be considered generous.

You don't have a lawyer of your own, do you?

2ndChance_1stMistake · 2022-12-22T22:57:10+00:00

Hang in there. I know you’re running out of money, but this is her plan.

50/50 custody isn’t actual a thing. It’s known as “shared custody”. You should stand your ground to be the “custodial” parent. The kid is living with you so you have the upper hand.

You can petition the court to force a hearing date. She’s using mediation to stall and to force you to spend your money so you feel desperate for a quick solution.

Get your hearing, ask for shared custody with you as the custodial parent, request child support and 50% of the marital property. You can also ask for her to cover your legal/attorney fees since she’s stalling.

RippedOffFather · 2022-12-23T01:15:36+00:00

Your son is a teenager. She left and didn’t bring the son. You have the son. I envy you. You’re going to get 50/50 or better with you as the custodial. You may even get full custody.

Just don’t turn weak and get that “I want this over with” mentality. If you need to work more overtime, find a better paying job, or work another job part time then do so.

Unfortunately for me, my wife kidnapped my child and my situation is in reverse (outside of any court order). I’d trade places with you in a heartbeat.

BigAdministration574 · 2023-02-08T05:38:34+00:00

Thanks for the replies, there was a lot to unpack. So yes we have to attend mediation, it’s the Court Rules. I do in fact receive child support, although it is the State minimum 140$. It is something. He does see his mom and they talk on the phone, but she only picks him up and visits when he has summer break or a holiday, driving up here is too far for her as it’s almost 6 hours one way. I think I have expressed to my attorney the fact that I am running out of money at least 5 times, I also have to pay GAL fees. I am hoping that the other side comes with an offer to settle outside of court. And to to one guy who said get another job, that’s the tough part I am Active Military. So that’s the kicker. I do not deploy anymore so that’s my one saving grace that gave me full temp custody. But I think fair settlement would be 50/50 legal, I retain full physical custody and I will even give up receiving child support.. but again.. that was turned down last year.. I’ll update when I get a trial date. Courts are an utter shit show and there are not any dates available for a trial in the near future.

notsureoftheanswer · 2022-12-23T01:11:24+00:00

Keep records on everything you are paying for the child and go back if you haven't been keeping a journal.

Keep records on any contact in person she has request or done. If it's been two years and she hasn't seen him or visited him that is huge.

Lastly, make sure he is doing average or above in school and has some hobby, this will show that you are fit and would be harmful to move him.

Small_Quarter_3673 · 2022-12-23T11:35:04+00:00

Is she paying you cs? If she isn't then how dare she ask for money? Since you have temporary full custody that should not change. You are running out of money but you got to make it work for now and it will be over

Adventurous_Rain_279 · 2022-12-23T13:25:23+00:00

Don’t go for mediation trap, unless you think she is a kind person. Most do that do prolong the process

There are infinite amount of tricks to postpone hearings

Make sure you lawyer mentions, that other side is postponing this to bet extra benefits.

But… this is how it goes. It takes fckg long time

Title	When Does it end?
Author	BigAdministration574
Upvotes	7
Comments	14
Date	December 22, 2022 6:06 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/zse6ea/when_does_it_end/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/when-does-it-end.1207997 https://theredarchive.com/post/1207997

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