A balanced view?

WWhiMM · 2023-01-22T23:10:42+00:00

So, what is the other extreme? What is this "being delusional"? Because I think everyone agrees dating can be hard, the points of disagreement are where the redpill ideology gets unhinged from reality.
Am I missing some obvious thing?

xvszero · 2023-01-23T00:01:43+00:00

I think what the RP gets right is the topic about people having insane expectations of the other sex.

What data backs this up? And compared to what? I actually think people have very low expectations. You often see people say things like "all relationships have their share of fights" like... they do? My wife and I basically never fight. We communicate.

As well as RP strikes a nerve with that criticism of people who refuse to commit and work through relationships.

I'd also ask what data backs this up, with the added caveat that whether commiting and working through things is even a good thing of course entirely depends what you are asking people to "commit" and "work through".

What I am trying to say: Why is it that - as I experience it - 99% of all people root for one of the two extremes? Correct me if I am wrong, but to me it is either going full on MGTOW or being delusional about issues men (especially younger ones) face when dating.

Yes, I think you are wrong. Where are these 99% of people that are either mgtow or delusional? I think most people fall in the middle somewhere.

PS. Defining your own viewpoints as "balanced" while everyone around you are extremists is comfortable, but it doesn't actually say anything about the legitimacy of your viewpoints.

PutsWomenOnPedestal · 2023-01-23T00:03:59+00:00

I think men are more desperate for women than vice versa, even if this sub vehemently disagrees with that conclusion. This imbalance of desire is not likely to change anytime soon

vcreativ · 2023-01-23T10:42:09+00:00

Hey there. Sure. Happy to discuss if you like. (:

There are two things I'd like to respond to: * Do 99% of people root for this sort of stuff: No. See below. * How to fix any of this for your self: See below.

I fear it's a classical issue of a silent majority. Realistically, most people tend not to be extreme on practically any topic.

What does end up being the case is that the most extreme ones tend to be the most verbal though they should almost certainly speak the least.

I do think that there are plenty of people with real issues. Especially while growing up. No one here will be able to change that. What you can change is not being attracted to unhealthy people. And the way to do that is by going inward and confronting your fears.

The more healthy you become inside the more attracted you'll be to healthy people and the more able you'll be to deal with someone that isn't. Healthier habits will become easier to adopt, too.

And as you replace the people around you with those better for you, your perception of the world will change. But since anything is a matter of perspective and perception, your entire world just changed.

Many try to harden their heart after getting hurt over even before, but hard hearts become brittle and break. Real emotional maturity is fluid and can encompass and resolve all sorts of nuance and hurt. So you know, learn to be like water.

Ifhes · 2023-01-23T21:36:31+00:00

As I see it, there is no "middle ground" that is not, as you call it, an extreme, for being or not a racist. Since RP and MGTOW all come from mainly mysogynistic ideas and purposes, there is really not a good reason to "agree 40% with them". The ideas you might find on those spaces that are worth to talk about most likely were said by other people in better places, like philosophy books or non-cult religions and non-scam non-cult related motivational speeches.

Xx_SwordWords_xX · 2023-01-22T23:45:10+00:00

Stop focusing on getting women and start focusing on being a wholly functional, confident person.

imhereforthemeta · 2023-01-23T06:10:21+00:00

I’ve always been weary of when someone talks about extremism and being normal and says the middle ground is actually somewhere between those two

Complete-Permit-9536 · 2023-01-22T23:02:11+00:00

Honestly I feel like the the fitness and business as well as the anyone can become the man they want to be part of red pill is mostly healthy to consume in safe amounts but majority of men in the red pill community I feel have never been in a proper relationship or dont know anything about women and relationships in general their EQ is like a -129.

Trepptopus · 2023-01-26T08:33:55+00:00

But you're also presenting an extreme. Either full manosphere BS or delusion.

Like, the "issue" young men face in dating is one I really wonder about how much of an issue it really is. I've looked at the reports about "x% of adult men are virgins" and they are based on really small polls. Like they polled 700 people, 700 PEOPLE not even 700 men and concluded that of the portion of those 700 people who were men 30% reported not having sex in the past year. Then a newspaper picks that up and it becomes "30% of adult males virgins in US"

The issue isn't that RP identifies problems, it doesn't. It manufactures problems.
What I notice when working with the "maidenless" young men you talk about is that they have serious issues with self esteem that they think will be cured by a relationship, they also have issues with actually talking to women, they don't have good social skills. they don't have healthy social lives. They see women as fundamentally another goddamn species and struggle with empathy or seeing women as just human beings, so even the ones that don't hate women really struggle to get women. They insist to a fucking man on calling women "girls" and don't see how that is in any way weird or creepy or not ideal. They think their looks are the problem while looking perfectly normal. Many have some level of dysmorphia that is actually created and worsened by the redpill itself.

Basically they aren't doing the shit they need to do to succeed while actively shooting themselves in the foot in a lot of different ways and they insist that the redpill or blackpill actually contains arcane secrets and that if they can just crack it they can hack in the fucking get a girlfriend input and they'll be set from there on. No more problems, sex and self esteem on deck forever.

The issue is poor mental health, refusal to address the root causes of their poor mental health, poor social habits that inhibit their ability to date and refusal to address said social habits and all the while they insist that the problem isn't the problem but is in fact something else entirely. It is like if you saw a man with a hand that had been absolutely savaged it was infected, pus filled and inflamed and he's like "dude, I feel really bad like all the time and I don't know what to do about it" and you say to him "man, you should get that hand looked at" and he says to you "I think my penis is too small, and I'm like really short. I think maybe if I got a dick extension and I got my legs lengthened I'd be feeling a lot better"

Like seriously, that's how deluded these guys are. These are the guys who aren't having success. The guys who are out there dating and being romantically successful aren't on tiktok and reddit and instagram bitching about their virginity. So only the losers are making noise and it becomes a small but vocal minority but they aren't actually doing anything to fix it just giving each other misinformation and then making posts titled shit like "IMO people who are successful at dating shouldn't give virgins advice" literal post title btw. Like, wtf? In what other context would that fucking make sense? "IMO professional boxers shouldn't teach people how to fight" and go on to explain that only people who can't fight can understand what it's like to constantly get your ass kicked and how frustrating and demoralizing it is and only they should give you advice because they "get it"

These guys don't need the red pill or any pill, they don't need MGTOW and it's not the fault of young women having too high standards, it's not the fault of tinder being 78% male. It's the fault of cognitive distortions that they refuse to fix. They need a reality check, they need to operate in the real world with real and correct expectations around what success will actually look like and how much work it will actually take. They need to abandon the playboy fantasy or jet setting and model fucking.

Title	A balanced view?
Author	natooral-skeptic
Upvotes	3
Comments	30
Date	January 22, 2023 9:24 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/10iup3l/a_balanced_view/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/a-balanced-view.1149316 https://theredarchive.com/post/1149316

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