Career/success & its impact on dating

wiwoo · 2021-08-24T17:55:21+00:00

Being wealthier can get someone who's attracted to wealth.. but that's not the same thing as someone who's attracted to you..

Many people settle for that, being attractive as a provider, some knowingly and others not realizing, thinking their partner would be into them sans job: https://www.thecut.com/2016/07/husbands-job-predicts-divorce.html

There's a big thread up on r/relationship_advice right now where the OP is telling ugly men "women are attracted to your lifestyle, so you're not disadvantaged" and there are hundreds of people chiming in, all failing to understand that liking someone for lifestyle is never for better or worse. The prevailing wisdom of that crowd is that attraction to the person doesn't matter, attraction to the lifestyle is what counts... I predict a lot of the posters describing how that's true for their marriage will be divorced if the lifestyle hits a rough patch...

RedPillDetox · 2021-08-24T12:38:59+00:00

Juding by most studies a good career is indeed a necessity. Judging by my own personal observations, however, I think it helps, alas is not THAT much of game changer. Think it really depends on the girl and where you're from. Most women i know say they don't care about money, at worse they'd care about career indeed, but mostly from the perspective that you need to at least not be stuck on a lame, poorly payed/unstable career.

BiWomanHealing · 2021-08-24T18:35:41+00:00

I think it’s important for both men and women. I think the idea that successful and well off men are ok with dating a woman who works in fast food, as long as she is hot, is completely false and delusional. For the majority of the middle and upper class, they date within their class. Meet at university, jobs, country/social/business networking club etc.

PutsWomenOnPedestal · 2021-08-24T15:03:27+00:00

Disagree depending on which culture you are in. In my (south Asian) culture, having a good career strongly correlates to getting a hot wife. There is no dating per se, or at least there wasn't in my generation.

Snoo52682 · 2021-08-24T13:10:06+00:00

I'd imagine the biggest impact career has on dating is how many hours you have to put in and the gender balance of the industry or profession.

DissonanceBadger · 2021-08-24T15:07:23+00:00

All credible studies on attraction indicate that for a man a good career is a huge plus in your favor, not because of the money, but because it indicates competence. Anecdotally, I can tell you that I once had a discussion about men and women with someone who works as a matchmaker. She said that whenever she has a new dating candidate for a client, the first thing men want to know is: what does she look like, and the first thing women want to know is: what is his job. In fact, if a woman is on the fence about someone, you can often tip the balance in the guy’s favor by listing all his accomplishments (what school he went to, awards he won, tenure at his place of employment, and so on), whereas men literally don’t care, they either like how she looks or the don’t. She told me that in over 15 years of doing this work, that’s the thing that still astonishes her the most about how the sexes differ.

Nevertheless, you can’t expect a good career to do all the work for you, you still need to perform on other avenues as well, like social skills, humor, being well groomed, and so on. If all you have going for you is a good career, that is not enough.

I actually have a funny story about this, as someone who has a well regarded career (a software engineer, and a team leader). I was on a speed date event, and one of the encounters was really fantastic. I made her laugh 3 times within the span of 5 minutes, we connected about the topic of writing, she was pretty, I was charming, and I even caught a glimpse of her encounter sheet as I was standing up from the table to go to the next date, so I know that she marked me as a “yes”, and it was the end of the event, and I was the only “yes” on an otherwise blank sheet of names. I also marked her “yes” in my sheet, so imagine my surprise when I got the event results and found out I didn’t match with her. It took me a while to figure out what happened, but eventually it dawned on me: she works as a numerologist (fortune teller with numbers), and I made the mistake of giving her my date of birth. So… yeah. A good job is important, but it won’t do all the work for you.

Oistcute · 2021-08-24T14:15:30+00:00

the only occupation they even consider is entrepreneurship. that's what I've seen, lmk if you've seen more.

EntertainmentNeat592 · 2021-08-24T19:07:29+00:00

Career/success impact the practical and personality part of dating, as in you need money to survive and whether the person is smart/hardworking. People would prefer someone smart and stable over broke and stupid. However, if the person isn’t physically attracted to you then profession is not gonna help beyond being a sugar daddy.

Celebrities and athletes are often physically attractive and talented people, which is why they are rich. You would see a lot of celebrities as they grow older end up dating down compared to the people they used to date when they were younger and attractive. Not to mention, their martial success is also poor as they often marry for the wrong reasons.

Future-Ad3312 · 2021-08-24T15:19:57+00:00

Funny tho how ex red pill are actually black pilled

Naus1987 · 2021-08-24T20:38:36+00:00

I’d argue that “looking cool” is greatly influenced by career and success lol. Being a business owner is “cool,” and that’s a success thing.

Working a boring job that pays well is not cool — I’ll give you that. But a lot of successful people have fun adventures that make them cool. And that helps.

vcreativ · 2021-08-25T19:40:16+00:00

I mean all of the career paths you mentioned belong to similar status groups. Might as well add pilot to the mix. ;)

Compare that to lower status jobs, and it's probably going to be a different deal. I remember a show with 20 women and they all liked him right until he said he works in sewage. Didn't get a date. Money didn't even come up.

So I'd say it matters, just not within the same status group.

Personally, I think for a normal woman a career is mostly a downward limiter. From a certain point onwards it doesn't matter that much, especially if you're otherwise sound. At least that's my perception.

Of course then there's the infamous six+ figures brigade. If you're after them, it's never going to be enough.

AdGrand333 · 2021-08-27T12:21:45+00:00

It really depends on many factors, including people preferences, but here's my thought on it:

One of my best friends is also my boss and she's a woman. Really attractive, but poses as more domineering than most girls because she's a entrepreneur and pretty extraverted. When I convinced her to install Tinder and swiped with her for a little, she got THOUSAND OF LIKES. But you know what's funny? I saw her completely ignoring the "omg so hot" type of guys who had a boring description. These guys also were like lawyers, successful people mostly.

What's my point? Scarcity is a factor that influences women. There are plenty of beautiful men, but even for short dating it seems that being pretty is not really what makes a difference anymore. Unless you're in a place that it is scarce.

She started dating a guy who's below the average in terms of beauty (her average, not society). But he has strong values. Not in the sense that he's "chad type domineering peaky blinders" style, but he is firm with his own set of values and most of all, he has AMBITION.

I really think that ambition is probably one of the biggest attractive traits that a man need to possess to attract women, especially for long-term relationships. I know many women that stayed with a guy who's waay below average in all terms (beauty, financial sucess etc) but had ambition.

So in a long term perspective, I think that the general trait that really attracts and HOLDS a person to you is ambition, maturity (emotional intelligence, kindness) and compatibility in values and plans and, of course, the other person preferences for your own type.

Title	Career/success & its impact on dating
Author	Gmed66
Upvotes	14
Comments	54
Date	August 24, 2021 12:04 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/palyua/careersuccess_its_impact_on_dating/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/careersuccess-its-impact-on-dating.1060184 https://theredarchive.com/post/1060184

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