Fantasizing as an under-rated coping mechanism

PutsWomenOnPedestal · 2023-01-21T17:11:20+00:00

I personally like doing it myself on occasion, but I think the issue comes when we stop being able to discern between reality and fantasy, and/or judge people harshly because they don't live up to your fantasy, and/or you try to change the dynamics of the relationship because you're trying to 'train' your woman to become that fantasy, and/or the character you fantasize about is based on someone else's creativity which can stifle your own, etc.

If you're able to stay grounded throughout that, then it is a safe coping mechanism because then you can get what you want inside your head, live vicariously in that fantasy, and not be so disappointed in reality. I personally practice Stoicism, so I think that it's not healthy because you're essentially preventing yourself from accepting reality as it is, thus preventing you from getting to a place of contentment without leaning on the fantasy to bring you happiness and/or contentment.

hellyeahmrwhite · 2023-01-21T19:14:06+00:00

When I go to sleep at night this is what I do, imagine my life with the girl of my dreams. I fantasize about being the best version of me I can create in fantasy, perfect me with the wife of gf of my dreams. It’s comforting at times but provides no real closure.

PutsWomenOnPedestal · 2023-01-24T23:44:46+00:00

work in mental health

I think it's a bit of a misunderstanding of what a coping strategy should be. It's meant to be brief techniques to manage difficult emotions until they naturally become less intense, allowing us to them actually solve our issue that brought up the emotional response.

ie speaking in public makes me very anxious, so I can use visualization of a calm place, or imagine successfully completing my presentation to work up the courage to actually do my presentation.

The coping skill allowed me to manage my anxiety long enough to complete the long term solution (going through with my presentation)

You may be able to use a visualize of yourself in a happy relationship to briefly help you manage anxiety before a date so you show up, but visualizing doesn't create any long term solution by itself.

If "coping" becomes a substitute for working towards your goal, it becomes an avoidance strategy, not coping.

ie if imaging myself being a successful person becomes more comforting to me than having to face he anxiety of actually do my big presentation or applying for my promotion, I will not actually move forward in my career or take new opportunities.

Realistically we should not be using coping skills every day. It's a short term aid in solving long term issues. If we are having emotional distress every day, we clearly need to make a larger lifestyle/interpersonal change to prevent the issue from continuing.

HGW86 · 2023-01-21T19:06:08+00:00

I think the reason they wouldn't is because of shame!

I think this is something that's applied to everyone, not just men or even just men with dating problems. And what I'm talking about is the fact that if you talk openly about what your ideal man/woman is, everyone outside of a porno shop is going to act hostile or ridicule you.

Not only would a man who is struggling with dating get ridiculed for stating his ideal woman because he would be objectifying women and "beggars can't be choosers", incels/blackpillers are insanely hostile towards women for having superficial standards for men! It's an ouroboros of puritan douchebaggery!

I understand there are things you can't change like your height or your jawline but I think this subject wouldn't instill so much hostility if we treated people's libidos as normal and talked openly and non-judgmentally about this.

softnmushy · 2023-01-21T20:56:06+00:00

It’s fine.

But humans need real human contact (voice, touch, conversation, etc) to get the healthy biological responses that are built into us. Our body and subconscious definitely knows the difference between real and fantasy.

If you’re feeling isolated. Fantasy isn’t going to fix it.

IntrepidAd903 · 2023-01-22T16:00:02+00:00

Bro get a life, stop being a fat loeer

Jelly_Crusade · 2023-01-22T18:51:06+00:00

This is not a real or healthy coping mechanism.

Resurrected_Alliyou · 2023-01-22T20:45:09+00:00

Hell no. I've fantasized a lot in my life and when I open my eyes I just get sadder because I'm imagining this reality which I will never get. I find myself happier when I avoid fantasies as much as possible

vcreativ · 2023-01-23T11:41:47+00:00

This incidentally touches on a very interesting subject. Specifically, a way of resolving bonding mechanical trauma. Mostly, that's your parents having treated you suboptimally - childhood trauma.

One of the key strategies in healing is something called ideo-parenting. Specifically, you're literally imagining your ideal parents and how they would have responded to you.

Apparently the effectiveness of this approach is off the scale. I think it was considered something like a 6.1 on a scale where 0.8 is considered effective.

This should be the relevant episode. If it's not just follow the youtube trail it sets you on. :) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dHJXSBKYEaw&t=14s

So, yeah. In more ways than one your on the money here. The key would be to aim at fantasising about a healthy relationship.

But I think there's a real difference here. In the sense that by the time you look at ideo-parenting you already had parents. You're imagining better parents in order to emotionally reflect and heal a scenarios that will never repeat.

Fantasising about a relationship you didn't have may aid you in discovering what it is in the real world, but in my eyes it's critical to understand healthy boundaries. The objective should not be to stay in your head and make up imaginary friends and dates.

The objective should be to understand, reflect, and articulate how you'd like to be treated emotionally and/or how you would've wanted to be treated in past scenarios.

And since in a relationship you should view yourself as an even, this must go alongside with how you'd like to behave yourself.

Hope this helps.

Title	Fantasizing as an under-rated coping mechanism
Author	PutsWomenOnPedestal
Upvotes	10
Comments	23
Date	January 21, 2023 4:32 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/10hv6aw/fantasizing_as_an_underrated_coping_mechanism/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/fantasizing-as-an-under-rated-coping-mechanism.1149478 https://theredarchive.com/post/1149478

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