What do men want from women?

eatfleshdrinkblood · 2023-08-27T04:14:03+00:00

We all want different things bro, what I want from a woman is just companionship.

eefr · 2023-08-27T06:01:00+00:00

What do men want from women?

What a bizarre thing to ask. There are billions of men and they want different things from their relationships with women.

The closest explanation that makes sense is validation

Relying on others for validation is usually a bad idea. And it's not really fair to women you date to see them just as means to boost your own ego.

tromp-et · 2023-08-27T06:20:51+00:00

It’s personal. It can be companionship, someone to build a legacy with, having a family, sex, arm candy, status, someone to have regular intellectual conversations with, a homemaker, sugar mommy, a therapist, or really just pure and genuine love.

sarahelizam · 2023-08-27T07:57:40+00:00

I think that the redpill and some traditional (often unhealthy) views of masculinity still common in society do teach men to see a woman’s interest in them as validation. But not personal validation, for all that man has experienced and done, but societal validation that he is fulfilling his role correctly. Ultimately this type of validation is more like general paternalistic approval; proof that you are succeeding as a man. It’s tangled up in ego, social pressure, and a often even ownership (especially if coming from the redpill). It’s less about the woman’s actual thoughts and feelings about and her ability to support you, it’s validation that comes from society for following its expectations and securing a woman’s affection/attention/commitment/etc.

I’m not saying that is what you mean by “validation,” but it could be helpful to try to untangle which elements might be at play from your social conditioning so that you can better find what you want instead of what’s simply expected.

My husband and I see the way we validate each other’s experiences as unique and important. We’ve both been through things that are alien to most people (health issues that started in early 20s) and having those things and our responses to them invalidated has been a major challenge in our lives, especially before we found each other. It feels good to be seen and understood and it makes dealing with the rest of society and family and friends who sometimes just don’t get it manageable. Supporting each other is each of our greatest priority, and supporting and validating others has become a way we give back the good we have found.

I think if you think validation is what you are looking for (as opposed to it just being a placeholder for some intangible want) you should dig into that idea. Do you want her personal validation or do you want society to see that you “have” her and validate you as a person/man?

This could also be a framing issue. There are a lot of social/cultural expectations and assumptions baked into dating and relationships that might not be serving you. It can take a while to figure out which parts of that generic bundle have value and utility to you and which parts just don’t matter that much (or are actively making it harder to seek out or identify what you want).

Rimavelle · 2023-08-27T08:28:00+00:00

If you don't seek romantic relationships, and are fine just reading about them in fiction, then maybe it's not a men-women issue, and it's just you being aromantic or some other combination.

Most people do seek romantic relationships for intimacy and connection, men with women or any other gender combination.

it's possible you just other women - you don't see them as people, but just something people expect you to have, but you using the word "what is missing" makes me think it's more aromantic behaviour.

lilycamilly · 2023-08-27T13:28:03+00:00

"I don't think it is intimacy & connection either. Nothing wrong with these, and it's fun to read about in a romance fiction"

There's a lot to unpack in this sentence. Have you HAD a relationship with a woman where you felt like you could be intimate and vulnerable? Truly?

redditcomplainer22 · 2023-08-27T09:51:41+00:00

It's probably best to stop thinking in such binary terms. Sex, gender, race, these things are largely irrelevant to what people truly want.

MelissaOfTroy · 2023-08-27T13:54:11+00:00

I read the title and mistakenly thought this was the feminism subreddit with the question written by a woman and it made me think "yeah, what do they want from us? Why do they pursue us so vehemently while at the same time absolutely loathing us?"

Anyway it's interesting to see that this was actually a self-reflective question rather than a vent. Wishing you whatever you need, OP.

Ifhes · 2023-08-27T14:38:44+00:00

It depends of each one. Men is not a monolith same a women. But the point of a relationship has a lot to do with having social interactions and having a romantic relationship often rely heavily in affection and respect.

xweert123 · 2023-08-29T06:28:05+00:00

Seeing relationships as purely logical and transactional I feel is missing the point of what a romantic relationship isn't is. A relationship isn't an objective thing that you do in order to satiate some objective set of desires, and if you go into a relationship just to satiate some objective thing you are craving, then once you start satiating those cravings, you will find yourself in an unbelievably hollow relationship. This is why getting into a relationship for needs based reasons, i.e. "I'm lonely and need a relationship", "I need to be in a relationship because I'm codependent", etc. doesn't work out the vast majority of the time, because healthy relationships aren't just some transactional thing that people do.

Relationships are about establishing a deep bond and connection with someone and forming a healthy cooperative team with that person. It's about taking care of one another and loving each other and finding a way to make each other happy in a way nobody else could. It's about bonding with someone on a really deep, romantic level.

To give an example, my girlfriend and I have been together for 7 years, and when we first met, we both had abusive partners, and were WITH our abusive partners at the time, and helped each other through it. It was purely platonic initially. But as we learned so much about each other, got so close with each other, and, undeniably, saw how attracted we were to each other, we ended up getting into a relationship after leaving our abusive exes because we realized that we would be a much better pairing. We then essentially grew as people together since then, learning lessons and developing as people, and it's wonderful. Our relationship didn't get started because we were lonely, sad, and/or needed to fuck. We just genuinely loved eachother, and chose to strengthen that bond we shared. It was a wonderful and very fulfilling choice and I couldn't have picked a better person to spend my life with.

That's what relationships are about. It's not about being transactional. It's about forming a very close bond with somebody whom you can trust, love, and cherish. It's about being part of the best team in the world. At least, that's what a good, healthy relationship is about.

Dear-Tank2728 · 2023-08-27T12:38:11+00:00

I dont blame women if they think we are completely lying and seek to exploit them. Some dudes I know are hella traditional but nerds so the want a house, kids, wife, and video games /comics then others are that but seem keen to enforce patriarchy directly, holding women to standards that are unreasonable but they justify it by holding themselves to unreasonable standards. One has a happy relationship and the other is only together because they had a kid at 19, can you guess which is which?

Personally I want a childless independent relationship with down to earth goals. Maybe a nice mobile home, a big dog, a decently sized yard but small enough to manage, and each person having their own room to make sure everyone has their space because relationships should be two people coming together despite having no other reason than they want to be around each other. Some other things would be different bank account with a linked joint for bills. Maybe marriage sometime in the 40s when its a little more definite that each person will want to settle down and get the tax benefits. An effort to share work while maintaining autonomy as I believe codependence is a requirement for toxicity to be in a relationship.

Now my friend next to me right now is like 🤷 "sum kids or something".

We are all different.

Downtown_Cat_1172 · 2023-08-28T20:44:45+00:00

You honestly need therapy. I don't say this as an insult. I say it as a person who is probably old enough to be your mother and is recognizing you engaging in unhealthy thought processes.

jeannedargh · 2023-08-27T13:51:12+00:00

What do you want from people?

No-Insurance-2943 · 2023-08-27T06:59:31+00:00

To be treated nicely rather than playing ridiculous games

smallbonesofcourage · 2023-08-27T09:05:36+00:00

Maybe you matured from relating from a "lack of" to you both being whole people. If you don't miss something you need the other to embody, the dynamic isn't focused on dependency.

SweelFor- · 2023-08-27T07:35:48+00:00

There are 3.5 billion men and 3.5 billion women.

Ok-Emphasis4813 · 2023-08-27T10:00:07+00:00

I desire to be truly loved with all my flaws

Ironmonger3 · 2023-08-27T15:37:08+00:00

Given that majority of posters here beat around the bush I'll tell you some common value that any decent human will agree with :

1- Respect: a man is at his best when he feels respected. Of course he needs to be worthy of respect and not a man child who throws tantrums. But he will naturally love a woman who respects his character and person

2- Love. Goes without saying.

3- Good temper: men love women that are easygoing, laid back and makes him feel he can relax around her. Being pissy, nitpicking or nagging turns men away faster than lightning

4-Loyalty: he needs to be sure that if his business hits a low at one point, or if he gets badly sick he can count on his woman to be by his side

5- Desire: there's need to be an healthy desire for each other which leads to intimacy and a healthy sex life. Hence a man who takes care of his physical appearance wants a woman who does so too

6- Responsibility and maturity: a responsible woman will make a good mother. And irresponsible one won't.

7- Trust: he needs to feel he can trust her with anything. Love, finances, kids, house, health anything in life.

I think those seven are pretty much agreed one. Of course a man himself must bring to the table what a woman wants from him, but that wasn't the question.

Yesm3can · 2023-08-27T11:38:35+00:00

A friend of mine is in a something that is called relationship anarchy.

You can read about it in wikipedia or somewhere else, but for my friend it means relationship without relationship escalation.

He is a very independent and successful man with many friends. Any kind of needs he might need, is long fulfilled. So only left him with wants.

He has a few ladies who sleep with him and go on a date with him, but there will be no marriage, no cohabitation, if there will be children, the children will be raised in two homes. The women are fine with it too, because they too are in open relationship and have their own partners. And of course this arrangement can be stopped by anyone, one sided-ly.

Maybe something like that can be your future cup of tea?

Night_Beard4 · 2023-08-29T09:13:16+00:00

Loyalty

Chuckles465 · 2023-08-27T16:40:16+00:00

A slut in bed only to me, a best friend who wont gaslight me but keeps me in line, lastly, she has to play Mario Kart.

tapavam · 2023-08-28T09:14:39+00:00

u are depressed, u shouldn't be tho

Needs change, when u younger its about the physical somewhen in ur 20s u look for emotional intimacy much more

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=hzvT0vy5cjE

WhiskeyHotdog_2 · 2023-09-05T18:20:19+00:00

I just want a hug and a coffee date.

Title	What do men want from women?
Author	PutsWomenOnPedestal
Upvotes	21
Comments	82
Date	August 27, 2023 3:36 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/162fi17/what_do_men_want_from_women/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/what-do-men-want-from-women.1229910 https://theredarchive.com/post/1229910

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