Growing up, what do you feel informed your perception of masculinity and gender roles the most?

Xx_SwordWords_xX · 2023-04-26T07:24:49+00:00

Growing up, what do you feel informed your perception of masculinity and gender roles the most?

Toxic masculinity. Literally.

From boys on the playground, to my father, uncles, and cousins. It's the shaming and bullying that happens when you try and break any of the stereotypes.

frmi8 · 2023-04-26T03:28:46+00:00

M29 here. TV, movies, cartoons, teachers at school, relationships I saw growing up.

hari_hbp · 2023-04-26T04:08:31+00:00

Superman when it comes to masculinity.

As for gender roles, surprisingly the sub Purple Pill Debate.

Old_Individual2737 · 2023-04-26T12:17:21+00:00

Everyone here naming the most innocent TV shows, but fail to note that we idolise violent criminals who make music about murder, pimping and objectifying women. This garbage is played out loud in public places and gyms. The “artists” become accepted celebrities and household names. Everyone so scared to defy the norm and call it how it is.

spiraldinosaur · 2023-04-26T16:32:40+00:00

I think I could say my father informed my perception of masculinity in a lot of ways, and that's what put me off embracing it so fully.

He worked a physical job even when in physical pain. Anger is basically the only emotion I have ever seen from him. He didn't engage in my childhood, my education, my interests, or anything else. His stoicism and need to be manly means that he has virtually no joy in his life. His "hobbies" are watching TV, going out to drink and gambling. He has no female friends, in fact he barely has any friends at all. He won't accept help, he won't seek out help.

I knew I didn't want to be like him, and a lot of the time I didn't even want to be around him. I've always considered myself to be emotionally open, but I know I can't be emotionally open with him. Instead I found myself at school hanging out with girls and boys, and most of the boys weren't all that masculine either. None of us were all that sporty, or interested in acting up to "boys will be boys" sort of behaviour. We just had fun, and enjoyed ourselves.

As I've grown up, I've found that if anything my more feminine aspects (caring and soft nature, emotionally open, artistic) have been the things that helped me form friendships and relationships. I have found zero arguments for why being more masculine would make my life better.

HollasForADollas · 2023-04-26T18:48:47+00:00

Michael Herzfeld’s analysis on performative excellence explored the observation that “…the admired man, is not necessarily a ‘good’ man in some abstract moral sense. Rather, he is good at being a man,” as in good at being whatever the culture deems a man is.

Its antithesis, positive masculinity, is also a good resource to study. Mark Kiselica produces the majority of research, at least when I was in school.

Edit: typo

risen-098 · 2023-04-27T01:52:15+00:00

for me as an afab, my fathers abuse definitely shaped my perception of masculinity. before redpill i hated men quite radically, sort of discovered that maybe men weren't as bad as i thought when i got into my first relationship, then kind of fell into redpill because of empathy i felt toward men who were also SAed etc. but after so long in movement i back away from that sort of masculinity and realize its the toxic stuff, i think for whatever reason it comforted me when my dad died, like i think in redpill there are unfortunately a lot of abusers. post redpill reading scum, i came away with a totally different understanding (sans terf vibes). my idea of masculinity is basically fight club, (watch folding ideas on youtube great i think it would the best launching off point to a report about toxic masculinity) -- you need tyler derden to have the 'balls' to overthrow society, but you have to kill tyler derden and that side of urself to make a genuine connection with ur heroine. its the old adim, innit, of man over beast? we can rebuild with what think will be the next evolution of masculinity, something post patriarchial capitalism. i think 🤔 in the new evolution of masculinity and feminity if we have any hope is putting children at the top of the heirarchy and declare a heirarchy that places children at the bottom and men at the top for what it is -- pure evil. ..our protagonist from fight club can see that the world revolves around him, billboards, the sexualized females in advertizing, most of it all is designed for cis het white males like him, but he is not happy, and he feels no true connection. (on a side note, consider the neets flipping their utter crap over the fact that feminists were critiquing how catered that gaming market is towards cis het males--its not a good life under the capitalist patriarchy for most of them). but i worry that under current conditions, some men would rather work and fuck a robot, than demand conditions in which machines are doing the work so we can groove ffs.

Jelly_Crusade · 2023-04-30T06:49:55+00:00

Almost all of the authority figures in my life were women. My parent are divorced, all my teachers were women, and all of my bosses have been women.

I had a very late growth spurt, and I was one of the smallest kids at my school, which I was bullied about. Primarily by women. I grew up pretty shy and timid as a result, which was then the new thing I was bullied about. Again, mostly by women. My masculinity was always in question.

But not by men. This may go against the grain of what most people think of when they think of toxic masculinity, but the boys are the only people in my life I can be open with.

I had a friend who was a woman that I used to have lots of heart to heart conversations with, but at one point, she said men crying is disgusting, so I've withdrawn from that. The girl I lost my virginity to gave me a laundry list of things that a man should be. She would hit me if I did something she didn't like.

So, personally, I feel that any toxic masculinity that I exhibit is a scar from a wound that a woman placed on me, and not a man. Men never questioned me, or shamed me for doing things a certain way or having feelings. But part of me still wears the expectations of what women think a man should as a shield.

Title	Growing up, what do you feel informed your perception of masculinity and gender roles the most?
Author	eroofio
Upvotes	16
Comments	29
Date	April 26, 2023 2:28 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/12z3pm4/growing_up_what_do_you_feel_informed_your/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/growing-up-what-do-you-feel-informed-your.1216932 https://theredarchive.com/post/1216932

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