I hate myself for not having a girlfriend

bluemagex2517 · 2024-06-21T10:07:13+00:00

dating for the purpose of being in a relationship requires you to be open and vulnerable with other people and that's something I want to do

This is very true and it's a really good thing that you've realized this.

Macho "alpha" guys constantly try to avoid being vulnerable. They claim vulnerability is weakness and so one must avoid vulnerability to be strong. This is backwards.

Notice how difficult it is to be vulnerable? How anxious it makes you? How can doing something so difficult be sign of weakness? The answer is that it can't be and it isn't. Being able to be vulnerable, to let your guard down, takes very real strength. It takes both strength of will and strength of character. Avoiding vulnerability is important too. Many times we need emotional shields or tricks to protect ourselves. But, being able to do so when the moment is right is extremely important.

Doing anything difficult takes time, effort, and progression. It's naive to think one can simply drop all their barriers and mental blocks and suddenly allow themselves to be vulnerable. It's far more realistic to treat it like a hard but doable goal. It's something you have to work at in parts and will probably have setbacks and plateaus along the way.

Therapy can help a lot with this, but it's also something you can work on without it.

25 isn't late at all to take this journey. It's a journey worth taking at any age. Give yourself some credit. You're more self aware than you were when you watched that rp content. You're not a degenerate for being socially awkward. You just haven't worked on developing those skills yet, at least not in a serious way. It's a good time to get started though.

I say this a lot on this subreddit, but I think it's worth repeating to any guy who has less or no relationship experience:

Work on becoming someone who would be an amazing partner. If you become that, then it will become someone else's loss if they miss out on being with you.

It sounds like, for you, becoming someone who would be a great partner starts with learning how to be vulnerable.

Abject-Interview4784 · 2024-06-21T12:21:34+00:00

Dude its OK to.be socially awkward, it's very common in these covidy times. You can fix by leaving your computer and going out and interacting with people in a friendly way. Think about being friendly and making friends and not about having a girlfriend specifically. Then you will.gain the social skills and meet people and meet a girlfriend that way. Being inside consuming content that tells you you are beta or degenerate for being socially awkward is the last thing that will help you build social skills and make friends and find a girlfriend.some possible activities would be volunteering somewhere, running groups, hiking groups, board game groups, groups that go to.music shows together, house league sports. I see lots of women at that stuff..good luck!

GladysSchwartz23 · 2024-06-21T13:12:33+00:00

Please wipe the ideas of "beta" and "degenerate" out of your brain forever. The former is a concept that only makes sense to other people in the rp subculture -- it's not real, and normal people find that kind of thinking gross and weird. The latter is something literal Nazis say so, Lysol your brain and make it gone. The people teaching you these fucked up ideas were trying to mold you into a guy who stockpiles weapons, mass murders people, and leaves a manifesto after he's dead about how it's the fault of women and minorities.

YOU'RE NOT GONNA BE THAT GUY. You're going to live and do things and meet people and exist among human beings who are different from you. You're going to turn your back on this deadly shit and have a much better life than the fuckers teaching this shit wanted you to. Ok? Please?

HelenHavok · 2024-06-21T11:51:45+00:00

I think you’ve answered some things for yourself in this post. You hated yourself because you were a virgin. Now you aren’t a virgin and you still hate yourself, but you’ve moved the goalposts to thinking that getting a girlfriend will make you not hate yourself anymore.

The underlying problem is you hate yourself, not that you’re a virgin or single. Sex didn’t fix it, and getting a girlfriend won’t either. Your sense of self has been torn down by this ideology and replaced by the idea that your value is external - that it’s tied only to what having a woman can do for you. It’s not.

You need to spend some serious time rebuilding what it means to be you alone. Maybe that’s therapy, maybe that starting some new hobbies and meeting some new people. Once you don’t hate who you are, girlfriends will follow. But don’t subject another person to your self-hatred. A relationship will not fix this problem, it will just express itself in toxic ways in any relationship you have.

Coollogin · 2024-06-21T19:04:58+00:00

Would any of this be happening if you were not socially awkward? What if you put dating on hold temporarily while you focus explicitly on overcoming your social awkwardness? Then you can start gradually adding dating back into the mix as a mean to practice your new and better social skillz.

Personal_Dirt3089 · 2024-06-22T01:36:30+00:00

You make the mistake of conflating sex and relationships as some kind of marker of personal worth.

Title	I hate myself for not having a girlfriend
Author	AppropriateCoconut92
Upvotes	17
Comments	22
Date	June 21, 2024 8:04 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/1dkyqga/i_hate_myself_for_not_having_a_girlfriend/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/i-hate-myself-for-not-having-a-girlfriend.1522465 https://theredarchive.com/post/1522465

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