I've never posted on reddit before, but this is the only place I've seen people talk about how unhealthy redpill can be (or is). I've also only recently discovered what redpill even is, so I want to preface and apologize if some people I mention or terms I use isn't necessarily "redpill-centered".

My boyfriend (I'll call him Brian) and I have been dating for around 7 or 8 months now. At the beginning of our relationship, I never didn't notice anything too concerning surrounding his personality, interests, goals, etc. We had similar values and liked a majority of the same things such as youtubers, shows, and whatnot. But a couple months ago (maybe 2 months??) we were talking, and I made a joke about Andrew Tate and his influence on a lot of guys our age. I said something about guys who call women "females" and Brian seemed confused as to why that was wrong. It stumped me a little bit but I explained it anyway and we moved on. But another time we were having a more serious conversation and we brought up Andrew Tate again, and Brian said he "respects him but doesn't agree with a lot of his points" which confused me. He said that he admires Tate's success and sees him as a good role model, but shouldn't be taken "too seriously" because of how "extreme" his views/values can be. I didn't disagree too much with his statement (at the time) so I didn't really say anything, but he also brought up someone named ICEcoldJT that he watches and respects, so I decided to check his channel to see what he was all about. A lot of his content surrounds self-improvement and "no-fap" so I didn't really see anything wrong until I gave a couple of his videos a watch.

At the start of our relationship Brian enjoyed video games, different youtubers, (some) sports, and so on. But after a while I would bring up a hobby of his and he would say he doesn't enjoy it anymore, or it was distracting him of his goals. I didn't think anything of it because I didn't know who he was watching at the time. So back to when I watched ICEcold, I noticed that a lot of his advice was something my boyfriend was doing. It went from pretty tame things like eating healthier and not listening to music when working out, to "don't tell people about your goals/hobbies, retain the seed, stay on the grind". That specifically rung a bell in my head because I remembered when Brian mentioned that he didn't like listening to music when he worked out anymore, and when I would ask him about his future goals/plans he said he didn't want to talk about them because the likelihood of them actually happening would be lower. I started getting a little cautious when watching the rest of ICEcold's videos because I realized how much of an impact this guy really had on him.

From then, Brian had mentioned people like Hamza, the guy from the community rules I can't mention, and Ali Abdaal. He really looks up to these guys and I watched one of Hamza's videos and cried SO hard (I specifically watched his "if you hate women you're doing it wrong" video). I'm someone who thinks that everything is good in moderation, but is there no other self-improvement creator to watch??? It feels like all of redpill content creators only focus on what you "should" be and what women "should" do. I love the idea of improving oneself, but it feels like such a deep rabbit hole. I recently spoke with Brian about my fears of the redpill community and how I don't want him to get worse or change too much, but he didn't really seem to understand what I was saying. I've shown him some manosphere debunking videos, specifically about its impact on women, but he said that he thinks he's doing what's right for him.

I'm so scared of him falling too deep into the manosphere and potentially hurting himself or me in the process. I understand that the redpill creators feed off of insecurity, but how do you help someone leave a community that's supposedly trying to help?? I've been reading what a lot of people say on here and I'm so happy that so many people feel the same way I do, but there's so many redpill guys debunking the debunking-the-redpill videos and even this subreddit. I feel lost and scared for Brian, but I don't know how to convince him that this isn't the way to improve the way he wants to.

If anyone has any advice or just something to share, I'd really like to hear it. And if Brian's seeing this, I hope you find what you're looking for and do what you KNOW is right for you.