Opinions

Slight_Fig5187 · 2022-06-20T10:08:36+00:00

It's probably one of those things that goes from generation to generation under the motto "I went through this, so you need to go through it too". A really damaging thing because it hurts everyone: the man who represses his feelings, the woman and children around him who have a distant husband and father, other men who are on the receiving end of the violence those repressed feelings turn into.

There might be women raised in a very patriarchal way for which this is appealing, but I think most women would love for their men (romantic partners, fathers, sons) to leave behind such horrible behavior.

unlivedbread · 2022-06-20T12:01:37+00:00

They don't understand the difference between vulnerability and being overwhelmed. So they lump it all together and say you should avoid it.

I've been very vulnerable with girls before, telling them about my insecurities, depression, anxiety etc and it actually strengthens the relationship. It's really brought out their maternal nature. I've also been overwhelmed (when your emotions take over and you cannot help but express them) and it's not gone over well for the most part.

Naus1987 · 2022-06-20T14:23:10+00:00

Like most things in life... it's complex.

The short answer is, society wants you to give more than you take. And in many examples, emotions end up being a burden. The truth is obviously not all emotions are negative, but people don't always separate them. You never see a guy shamed for cheer/crying after winning the Olympics or being thrown a surprise party. No one has ever been shamed for expressing positive emotions.

Still, no one wants to deal with the negative emotions. No one wants to deal with someone's emotional baggage, so society as a collective wants people to just keep that drama to themselves.

The reason women can get away with being more emotional is that there's often a guy who'll step in and comfort them, and help carry that baggage. Why? Like mentioned above, society wants some take with the give. Most people who go out of their way to comfort a woman wants something from her.

A good real life example of this, is how often do you see guys doing little nice things for women, but they'll ignore other men? Opening a door for a woman, being extra polite. If you ever find yourself treating a woman differently than a man -- you have contributed to this affect.

The bottom line is that society doesn't really like (negative) emotions from women either, but they're more tolerate of it, because men are silly.

There's nothing wrong with being emotional, and you should always be yourself. The key is to just never push your emotional baggage on others or feel slighted when others don't want to solve your problems. You're perfectly fine to cheer and be joyous at successes. And you're allowed to be sad and cry at failures. Just don't beg. Don't expect others to comfort you.

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Another fun and final note is some personal introspection. Think of yourself. How often would YOU stop your daily routine to comfort a stranger? If you saw a guy on the side of the road in tears -- would you stop to comfort him? If you saw a woman would you comfort her?

And the bonus question is, would you treat that woman differently than a man? And if so -- why? The questions we ask OURSELVES are the easiest to answer. Because we're the only ones who can answer them. ;)

Once you discover who you are yourself -- it becomes a lot easier to understand other people. Self-discovery first, then world discovery. Little milestones at a time.

vcreativ · 2022-06-20T18:31:17+00:00

Why are men (amab) pushed to not show our emotions.

RP isn't wise. Don't expect them to do or say wise things. The same is true for any ideologue. To succumb to a strict movement necessitates standing for stupid things.

Many victims of child-abuse idealise their parents. Mainly because the alternative is to realise that you might not have been loved at all. That's a terrifying thought and requires courage to even honestly consider for oneself.

What you're seeing aren't necessarily bad people (though they do bad things and push bad agendas), but basically children that had to shut off their minds to not face what they fear. It's one of the main reasons they have to reassure themselves of their "alpha" dominance status quite so often.

It's because they're afraid.

Rhubarb_Fair · 2022-06-22T09:10:01+00:00

As a woman, what I would like is a man who is in control of his emotions. It's certainly not that he doesn't feel them, or express them - but that he can feel his emotions and choose whether to act on them or not. It's showing a certain amount of self regulation...

For example, I don't think anyone wants a partner who makes them responsible for their mental health (i.e. not only shares vulnerabilities, but does so repeatedly expecting the other person to solve them and taking no positive action themselves). Similarly, with the whole Will Smith thing, loosing control of your emotions to the point that you assault someone is also, to my mind, not attractive.

I think the problem comes with some men essentially wanting to take a short cut to this. So instead of being in control of their emotions, knowing how they react and using logic and reason to work with those natural emotions, some men just think that if they dont display any emotion then that is being in control of themselves - which isnt true, its just an illusion and self repression.

WhoDoomsTheDoomer · 2022-06-20T10:46:02+00:00

It's learned behaviour. The stuff your talking about runs deep in our society, it's perpetuated in our media and learning. The reason these men latch onto it is because it's all they know, they haven't been taught to question and think critically, and they're scared of change

SweelFor- · 2022-06-20T10:56:11+00:00

https://youtu.be/ljuSLYf_yTk

sharedordaz · 2022-06-20T16:12:35+00:00

This tradition was set because men always had the rol of "protector". Showing emotions was a denmostration of vulnerability and weakness. Problem is that in real life, life is not like that

ResponsibleAd2541 · 2022-06-21T02:17:05+00:00

I going to assume you are referring to not crying.

Men and woman don’t cry the same amount, all things being equal, for biological reasons relating to their different hormonal milieu. However culture can accentuate the difference or moderate the difference. It’s incorrect to say that men crying less is purely socially enforced.

My understanding of the difference in suicide completion has a lot to do with more violent means, and the relative social isolation of men (specifically unmarried or widowed men, if I recall correctly). It’s not specifically an issue of not crying the right amount, stoicism as a philosophy has it merits.

You might also be referring to a deficiency in physical touch as a means to show affection or what have you amongst male friends. I think this can be lumped in with relative social isolation as I think it’s no longer the case that men have hang up about physical touch beyond a handshake, at least in any general sense. The issue I see is maintaining male friendships over time.

If you say that “toxic masculinity” is the best way to refer to the things at issue here, that implies that there is a “virtuous or healthy masculinity.” However when look at the work toxic we are that it’s opposite is “harmless” or “safe” and that doesn’t make a lot of sense. I think what’s at issue here is whether there is such a thing as “feminine virtue” and “masculine virtue,” and I think we are uncomfortable answering that question.

dottywine · 2022-06-21T02:47:30+00:00

I’m a woman and I feel it’s a good question to ask other men. As I usually see men shaming other men for their emotions.

LiuoTT · 2022-06-21T12:34:16+00:00

They keep talking about self development (when they aren't complaining about women 95% of the time), but they really forget about emotional self development. The full picture contains two crucial things that they forgot to cosider:

- human alphas aren't only dominant, but also caring, compassionate and altruistic and those traists are proven esential to be a good leader and they're also more attractive. Purely dominant person makes his partner extremely unhappy.

- women have a self correcting mechanism to their behaviour once they get a child, so they suddenly also expect it from the father. In case the father can't display healthy behaviour and emotional connetion with a kid, they get devorced. RP naively thinks it's about looking for an alpha, when it's usually about healthy bonds.

How are they going to achieve it with limited range of emotions and narrow empathy?

For the question "why", I think it's because RP isn't focused on giving you solutions. It just needs to sell to men in need of quick and simple answers to complex questions. I don't know how big trauma is needed to create answers that fucked up. Maybe because they put you in the infinite cycle of unhappiness, so that you will always come back for more.

Thomas5077Uz · 2022-06-22T11:13:51+00:00

Oh rage! Oh despair! Oh age, my enemy!

Title	Opinions
Author	PapaSanjay
Upvotes	15
Comments	38
Date	June 20, 2022 9:05 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/vgh56o/opinions/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/opinions.1120739 https://theredarchive.com/post/1120739

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