There are worse things than dying alone.

Every "pill" or movement lately puts so much emphasis on relationships and "gender roles". There is demonization of both men/women that CHOOSE to be single.

I never see people write about the horrors of awful relationships with regards to the scars/PTSD it leaves for partners or children.

What the hell is wrong with being single? As a women why am I ridiculed? Why am I judged? Why do I care about being judged or being seen as a loser? Or people having the assumption that no one wanted me?

To give context, I myself grew up in a broken family where I experienced abuse on ALL fronts (physical, emotional, mental and sexual) and as a result I chose to be single. I was raised by a narcissistic mother (extremely selfish and emotionally manipulative) and a psychopathic father (who sexually abused me as a child) and had narcissistic adults live with us and abuse me. I have gone to therapy and continue to have to heal. I have never received an apology or acknowledgement for what I was put through and still have nightmares as a grown adult. Even though I am safe now, I have so much work to do on my self-esteem, self-care, self-love etc. It's super exhausting and I want to give up sometimes.

As far as relationships go, I have tried to put myself out there in the dating scene. And while I understand that men are not all evil, being in a relationship is nauseating to me. Like I know I am not ready but these "pills" and cultural norms make me feel like I have to hurry and rush because..."time".

I am a woman in her 30s who has never experienced a relationship and I can tell you, as much as I worry about "the Wall" I worry more about the consequences of choosing the wrong partner out of desperation and fear of dying alone. It can be detrimental to both me and whatever offspring that come out of the union. While I realize time is ticking and my dating pool is "getting smaller" due to my age, I refuse to settle with anyone that does not make me feel safe or comfortable or until I am ready.

I think society needs to really evaluate all these movements and consider all the children that are in abusive homes, foster care, people that experience DV and other factors. Women especially need to stop caring about what society thinks about being "unwed and childless" because it is better than being abused. And men need to stop putting so much emphasis on the goggles society has on them about not being overly sexual or still being older virgins. It's honestly so ridiculous and it doesn't matter. Ask yourself as an individual "what makes ME happy?" "What gives ME peace?" And it might have nothing to do with relationships.

I get ridiculed for being single at my age and living alone with a cat. But it gives me peace. So why should I care? About some stupid "Wall"? The knowledge that my window for having kids is closing stresses me out but the idea of marrying the wrong person (that could repeat the cycle of abuse) by rushing just to have kids frightens me to death. If I have to sacrifice a future of having any offspring to protect my sanity and safety, so be it.

I will never let anyone jeopardize my happiness or peace ever again. I worked too damn hard for my little apartment and cat. Screw "the Wall" honestly. And if people judge me as a "loser" who cares? Because I know that if I were in a bad relationship or was still at home being abused they wouldn't save me. Society didn't save me as a child. So screw society too.

THERE ARE WORSE THINGS THAN DYING ALONE.