This might sound bad. Why would you want to be selfish? Or intolerant? Aren’t those bad traits? No, not when it comes to dating men, and let me explain why.

Women are natural nurturers. We are biologically hardwired to be unselfish and more tolerant of bad behavior. This is linked to our biological ability to be mothers. Mothers must have the emotional capacity to empathize, nurture, and sacrifice to raise children.

Women’s ability to perform this depth of love, sacrifice, and unselfishness is amazing...for raising children. Not for giving to men you are romantically linked to, whether that be in dating, LTRs, or marriage.

Selfishness

Take a moment to browse r/relationship_advice, r/JustNoSO, or one of the various mom subreddits, like breakingmom. One common theme you’ll find is women give, and give, and give. They put everyone before themselves. For many women, they feel their men must be fed, sexed, and put to bed before she can even eat her own dinner, or engage in self-care.

Women, due to our wiring for nurturing and sacrifice, tend to accidentally use these motherhood love tools (if you will) on grown men. This leads to the woman being trampled on.

REMEMBER: If you do not put yourself first, nobody else will. You will end up sacrificing all your time, energy, and emotions to please him, and end up spent and feeling under appreciated.

Men have no trouble putting themselves first. You will never get equal returns on the blood, sweat, and tears you put into a relationship with a man if you choose to prioritize his needs and happiness before your own.

Example: You moved across the country for him. You stopped talking to your best friend because he doesn’t like her. You turned down your dream job to play SAHM with a toddler because he wanted a family. You engage in a sexual act you don’t enjoy or hurts you because he likes it.

These are just a couple of examples of sacrifices women make everyday to please men. They’re more common than you might think.

Women who choose to do this? Don’t expect the same in return, and don’t expect him to ever understand or appreciate your sacrifice. He won’t. Be selfish and place your needs and happiness on the pedestal. Otherwise, he will place his there, or somebody else’s.

Tolerance

Men will push you. They will push you to see how much you will tolerate from them. They’ll test your boundaries and standards. If you are too tolerant, and bend, soon you will have conceded to ill treatment.

Examples: He said something rude, and you didn’t immediately reprimand it. He cheated and you took him back. He agreed to do his share of the chores, and yet left the kitchen a mess for two days after he cooked a meal for himself.

If you let these scenarios and other similar scenarios slide because, “Well, it was only one time!” And, “But, I love him!” you are are too tolerant and you will be trampled on. There’s no reason to put up with bad behavior after you’ve clearly stated your standards. Basic respect should also need no explanation.

Again, these two traits (selfishness/intolerance) are not innate to us. It is something you need to learn to be self-ware of. Be self-aware about the kind of love and affection you’re giving to men.

The deep, sacrificing kind should be given to your children or pets. That’s it! Unconditional love is only reserved for children, pets, and in some cases, family/friends.

Love bestowed on men must be conditional and contingent upon how they treat you. At. All. Times. Unconditional love leads to ill-treatment. There must always be contingencies. Adopt a more selfish (your needs + happiness first) and intolerance (strong standards and self-respect that you will not allow to be broken) and you’ll have no problem with this.