Before you say yes

reddit_to_go_man · 2020-01-25T14:01:49+00:00

I would also add, “See him hungry.” Aside from all of the other stuff in the quote (which was definitely present and I chose to ignore/tolerate for way too long), the hunger thing was one of the worst with my ex. Normal people who know of their sensitivity will keep snacks on hand or step up their game and offer to help with meals. My entitled ex was demanding about regular mealtimes and berated me when the timing was shifted at all due to busy lives.

Dated a guy last summer for a brief time and was in the car with him when he had a hunger-induced meltdown (not directed at me but still). It totally triggered me and I basically collapsed into a shell for the rest of the evening. Relationship ended after that weekend.

rosapalmera · 2020-01-25T14:49:55+00:00

Yes! Definitely have an argument. No matter how well you get on, there will come a point when you WILL have an argument, and it’s essential that your ways of dealing with it are compatible.

I have abandonment issues stemming from my childhood, and the worst thing you can do to me is ignore me or shut me out. So a person who deals with an argument with silence would not be a good match for me. I work well with people who prefer to sit down and talk things over until we’ve reached a solution. Whereas some other people might prefer space to calm down and someone silent would work best for them.

It’s really hard to change the way you deal with conflict so this is something that should be a major dealbreaker.

LadyHormoneMonster · 2020-01-25T10:46:44+00:00

“If you have someone you think is the one, take them and travel around the world. Buy a plane ticket for the two of you to travel all over the world, to places that are hard to reach and hard to get out of. And when you land at JFK and you're still in love with that person, get married.” -Bill Murray

PS If you haven’t seen “What About Bob?” put it in your queue 👍

brbulk · 2020-01-25T16:41:43+00:00

Also seeing them grieving from the loss of someone, how they handle holiday stress and how they navigate traffic or a packed place.

All are huge indicators

jenneration · 2020-01-25T16:39:27+00:00

Goes for anyone but 1000% for someone involved in your life that you might spend your time building a relationship and life with.

I also use these guides for myself. To see how I measure up because I hold myself to these standards also.

whycantweallgetal0ng · 2020-01-25T15:42:33+00:00

I did all of this and was so certain I had found the perfect guy. I pushed him to make him annoyed at me and took my time making sure he was the sweet guy he showed to me always. He was perfect always.

What I didn’t do was ask for access to his phone. Three years in and during the first year of our marriage I checked his computer for some old pictures I knew he had taken of my old house. I was stunned to find a porn addiction out of control and an evidence of an emotional affair he carried on with his ex wife while we were together. Checking his phone led to more tales of betrayal. While showing me a perfect loving person outwardly he was doing these things behind my back. I have lost all respect for him and while still love him just can’t love him like I used to. He has been porn free for over a year and I now check his phone and emails.

Witchyko · 2020-01-25T13:41:02+00:00

Also: Go out without him, all dressed up, come 1 hour later home than you said you would, and see how he reacts. An overly jealous control-freak will reveal himself in such a scenario in no time.

2020-01-25T16:45:17+00:00

Checking his phone. I would ask playfully to see his phone and if he resists I would be on guard. I would also ask to use his computer. I had found tons of porn in his computer a year earlier and asked for it to be deleted. I thought he had done so but a year later sensing something was wrong I decided to look at his computer. When I clicked on “see all photos” I found a few. So I did an depth search of every folder. He had them hidden in a folder labeled “xbox“. Haha. He literally had videos of his x’s box in there among other things like pictures of me he had taken without my knowledge. He wasThinking I would never look there. I’m not a prude. We did watch some porn together before this afterwards no.

evaporative · 2020-01-25T20:22:11+00:00

Wow thank you for this post!! Not just for the message it sends but because I’ve been searching for this artist for YEARS now. All I remember was one line out of a piece she had written and my searches never yielded any results. Crazy that she pops up in this sub, I love you guys 💕

Mindless_Competition · 2020-01-25T17:56:41+00:00

how he treats his mother. he doesn't phone or write to her. i do all the birthday cards etc. he barely talks to me anymore. same/same. how i wish i had this information years ago.

Title	Before you say yes
Author	AntiCircles
Upvotes	445
Comments	40
Date	January 25, 2020 8:31 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/etobdp/before_you_say_yes/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/before-you-say-yes.684052 https://theredarchive.com/post/684052

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