So this was intended to be a comment on someone's post about being married with children but I sort of got carried away. Also I don't always see moms posting on this sub and I like reading from other FDS moms.

(Disclaimer: I totally support child free, and vet vet vet, so you don't have a child with a NVM .. but if it happened... hopefully you end up on FDS making a post at 1am.)

"We aren't people we are mothers." was the message that inspired this post. I think that feeling comes with being a wife more often than being a mother... because I'm a single mom, and I am in love with not only my child, but the person I've become because of them. My level up game tripled when I had my child. And I've noticed a few of my single mom friends are the same. The one thing that we have in common? None of us have contact with the father. Children complicate an already horrible life with a man. Then the responsibility of not only being a partner to this crappy LVM, is tripled with one kid, and tripled again with every child afterward.

Most of the complaints I read/hear from moms... aren't about their children. It's about thier LVM/NVM spouse, almost every single time. I myself, wake up and do the things it takes for my child because it's my responsibility, and I genuinely enjoy caring my child. But then I do things for myself, because no one is there to judge, question or stop me.

I get more self care than any mom I know with a second parent to "help out". How sad is that. I have my child full time, work full time, and I do more self care than someone who has a whole other person responsible for their child. And it's not like I hand my child off to other people all the time, or have any extra amount of time compared to these other women. I work the same hours, and use the same child care as a few mothers in my work place. Their excuse for not joining me on a trip, or a night out, or even a stop to get our nails done? NVM at home. Never their child. (With the exception of sickness or the like.)

I know a lot of comments will be "This is why we vet the fathers of our children." But this post is for those who didn't find FDS until afterwards, and holding onto a relationship for the sake of your child, or even a woman thinking of becoming a single mom by choice. Leave the man, love your babies, and go on that trip with the other single mom you know. If the man is inescapable, the grey method exists, and so do lawyers and court systems.

Just as not having a child with a NVM fights the systematic patriarchy, so does not letting your child watch their mother turn to dust because of some man.