I originally posted this as a comment in a different thread, but I figured I should share it again in a separate post.

TD;LR: Don’t put up with bullshit just because you’ve been single for years or your entire life. You are good enough, lovable, and worthy, regardless of your amount of relationship experience.

Here’s my story:

I never dated or got asked to dances in high school. I had two very good serious relationships in college (for 9 months and two years respectively). In hindsight, they were both LVM because they weren’t very ambitious and didn’t take care of their health, but they both treated me very well and we always had fun together.

Then I stayed single for the next five years after graduation, from age 22-27. I’m now 28. Part of that was because I was busy with work and I had super high standards, but I also got super jealous from seeing my friends and other girls on social media get into what seemed like cute happy relationships with hot guys. I was a hopeless romantic who grew up on fairy tales and rom-coms, so being happily single was a challenge for me. I was equally jealous of the single girls I knew who could pull that off. People would ask me a lot why I’m single and be shocked that I’d been single for so long because I’m a conventionally beautiful tall blonde woman with a fit body, great career, college degree, and friendly personality.

I developed terrible self-esteem and became convinced that I was unlovable and that men only wanted me for sex or casual short-term flings that would end after 1-2 months with no label, while simultaneously rejecting a lot of unattractive guys and obvious LVM right away. Then I met my ex last around this time last year. He seemed like a HVM on paper and he was eager to commit to me after a month, only to become emotionally abusive and very critical of me soon after.

I was so excited just to be in a relationship with someone who was attractive and successful that I ignored a lot of red flags. I desperately latched onto him and seeked his approval because I had a severe lack mindset from having been single for so long before meeting him. I wanted the relationship to work so bad, just so I could prove to myself and others that I could do it.

He dumped me after only five months by writing me a two-page letter describing all the things he thought were “wrong” with me and then kicking me out of our shared apartment that I’d moved into just 48 hours prior. They were mostly tiny random details because he loved to nitpick at me, but he thought I was stupid and inconsiderate for not noticing them. It took me until February/March of this year to recover and we broke up in September. And it was only a five-month relationship! I still get sick to my stomach when I think about the whole experience.

So yeah, don’t be like me. It’s OK to be single for a long time, even for five or more years! It’s OK if you’ve never been in a relationship before. It does not mean something is “wrong” with you or that you’re “ugly” or anything like that. You don’t need validation from men via commitment and a label to confirm that you’re worthy and special.

But I’m grateful I learned my lesson the hard way and I wasn’t with my ex for longer. I no longer feel like a failure who “ruined” my relationship by not being perfect. My standards are much higher now and I’m re-learning that it’s OK to be my authentic self. FDS, among other things, has helped me a lot with that.