Beware of the chronic resentment

millennialpink2000 · 2021-12-18T16:49:20+00:00

I know what you mean. The simmering resentment is just enough to keep you tap dancing around their ego. These men hate you. Glad you left him

Chicahua · 2021-12-18T16:54:40+00:00

There’s no winning against chronic resentment. Men like that enjoy the feeling of being wronged, they need an enemy/enemies and will make some up if they don’t have real ones. This is why podcasts and YouTube videos that shill conspiracy theories and anti feminist rhetoric are so popular among NVM, they give those men something to hate rather than self improvement. If you stay they resent you for existing, once you leave they resent you for leaving. There’s no winning so you may as well run.

SayNad · 2021-12-18T18:46:38+00:00

Perharps no need to wait years - we all will tremedeously benefit from honing the skill in reading body language and detect chronic resentment, ideally during the early dates.

It is always present in the little things - the way his smile never reaches his eyes, the way he stares at you with that round unblinking eyes yet there are no warmth in them, the way their tone and words are extra sweet and too "perfect", the way he smiles extra wide and being extra nice and polite when you are being "difficult".

I have anger issue, so I am very familiar with silent rage. The more covert and skilled he is - he actually will be the exact opposite of angry raging abuser - he will be extra "kind", extra "polite", extra soft to the point even his movements are careful and controlled - and seems like the nicest and kindest person you know.

But you can always see that there's no light and warmth in his eyes - it is just blank and soulless. And his tone will be extra sweet to the point of mocking. I always hate that stupid tone.

Genuine kind people are calm and laid back - they can be clumsy and awkward at times but the most important of all - there is none of that extra careful control-ness because the kindness isn't an act.

I_know_right_AS_IF · 2021-12-18T18:55:35+00:00

The resentment really started showing after our son was born and I was staying home with him. Even though we both had agreed that I would be a SAHM and it was what we both wanted for a long time. He ended up telling me it wasn't fair that I wasn't contributing to the rent 🧐 I could go off into a long tirade of all the ways I contributed, but I know you all already know lol!

Fking scrote. So much better off without his ungrateful ass.

candyfox84 · 2021-12-18T20:02:35+00:00

I left my toxic narc too and I already feel so much better! Go Queens!

ultblue7 · 2021-12-18T22:35:02+00:00

This really struck a chord for me. Just remembering the way he pushed my arm away and spoke to me resentfully during the breakup after months of me trying to get him to talk to me. The flashes of anger even though I could never quite put my finger on what it was at the time and he never did it while others were around. Throwing his hands up in annoyance. Anger at seemingly little things. Negging me about how I ate. Comparing me to my male coworkers. I don’t know why he didn’t just end it sooner. Im glad I now know these little blips are signs of something much larger.

insquestaca · 2021-12-18T16:48:47+00:00

I was isolated from my friends and family by a toxic narc. Now I understand why I would blow up and lose my temper in strange situations in public.

katiekat0214 · 2021-12-18T19:29:17+00:00

Story time: again first husband, and by the time our second year married had rolled around, he absolutely refused to join me in going to see my family for Christmas. My family is overall pretty healthy; there's no estrangement; we all get along; we like and love each other; we always make an effort to keep peace. He just did not want to socialize with anyone, even people who wanted him to come, asked about him, missed him. It was the beginning of me just blowing him off entirely about everything. Very glad I was always one of those people who did stuff alone anyway; without his grumpy, grouchy, resentful, prickly self, that just made things easier.

Overall, he just made it so, so easy to leave him, not only divorce him, just leave him behind altogether in every possible way: educationally, economically, socially, mentally, physically, spiritually, any which way you want to look at it. He just wasn't able to keep up, didn't want to grow along with me. I really think he married me because I was convenient and just there, and he decided it was time to marry, not gettin' any younger, blah blah. But he put no effort into anything, and was just so cold, reclusive, hard to read. So happy I divorced him. I always wished him well, but mostly just felt so, so sorry for him. He never dealt with his issues, and when people don't, men especially, it really starts to catch up in one's 30s and after, and then starts to snowball. They start to get eaten alive by all those undealt-with issues!

Title	Beware of the chronic resentment
Author	surfgreenbabe
Upvotes	380
Comments	13
Date	December 18, 2021 8:56 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/rj3gwj/beware_of_the_chronic_resentment/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/beware-of-the-chronic-resentment.1091842 https://theredarchive.com/post/1091842

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