I find this a lot with a certain type of man- controlling, perfectionist. But also in just average bros. Not just in romantic relationship but friendship and business. I must never express anger, even if it’s incredibly justified.

It gets shamed like me being unstable. Or if they’re being generous- immature

I’m the quintessence of patience. If I finally snap on someone it’s is something they really need to be held accountable on.

I feel like it’s an emotional gaslight designed to keep things comfortable for them. A manipulation technique to keep you in your place. And to keep you from holding them accountable on things they know are fucking wrong.

Every time you express something that is wrong in the relationship you go unheard or if you turn up the volume- shamed as an unstable crazy. Another thing i’ve encountered is them shouting you down into your place when you express a valid concern. Almost to scare you/ intimidate you out of speaking your concerns. Like you just keep that pretty little smile on your face. It’s almost an abuse tactic to my mind or at the least a very unsavory intimidation one.

I find it reductive. It’s like a silent pressure is being exerted on you to be malleable and doll like at all times. You are not allowed the full range of emotions a normal human has at their disposable- of which anger is an necessary/ appropriate component- just the cute ones that bring them pleasure to see.

Same men have no trouble being loud, aggressive and that’s right- ANGRY about things you do they don’t care for. And of course their anger is powerful and right- never immature, out of control or mentally unsound like mine supposedly is. But it’s like you must walk on eggshells to express displeasure with anything in the relationship

If i finally get them past the point of ignorantly ignoring the problem and gaslighting me that it doesn’t exist, it’s like it’s such a painful blow to their ego to acknowledge that yes, this is happening and no i’m not happy with it.

Like they reel with hurt over the idea i don’t think they’re perfect/ performed perfectly.

Almost like telling a man the sex is bad. That’s how bruised the ego gets and how much upset there is.

In bros it manifests as them always wanting you to be cheerful and uplift them in convo and bailing if u ever have a real world issue. Sick? See ya! Job issues? See ya! But they’re perfectly fine using you as an emotional kleenex/ therapist/ cheerleader for their many more frequent and more petty life problems.

tl;dr- Tired of reductive men who try to shame your appropriate shows of anger as you being unstable. Or go crazy shouting them down louder than you, to cow you into not speaking up. It’s like some men only want to see cute emotions and use manipulation techniques to cow and train you into showing only those emotions that are convenient to and sexually desirable to them- the cute, doll ones