Seriously, DO NOT DO IT. Please!

If you’re in a relationship with a LVM like I am now - get. out. You will not change him. You will not transform him into some HVM despite all your best efforts. If they wanted to be HVM, they would be, they don’t want to be because they don’t see any reason to level up. They’ve coasted through life this far, and people accommodate them. We deserve better and it’s scary to think about life without them, but you will improve once they’re gone.

I only found this sub a few weeks ago but it has transformed how I view my current relationship. There was always something that bugged me about the way he treated me and spoke to me, but I could never put my finger on it properly.

Examples:

•Our sex life died down after we moved in together, and even more so once I put on weight. I am self-conscious about it but working to get back into shape. The night after I returned from out of state when my nan had died, he told me he no longer found me attractive and that’s why he couldn’t get hard. He’s absolutely allowed to feel that way, and I wouldn’t expect anybody to remain attracted after their partner gains weight but timing, man...

•He doesn’t work and lives on disability. He is physically capable of cleaning but often struggles to get out of bed due to severe depression. No worries. I have MDD and also struggle, so I understand. The past few months he’s been especially badly effected, so I have done everything: cooking or ordering food, washing our clothes and sheets, doing the dishes, driving to get groceries (I’m the only one who has a license), and every other household task. I asked him, at one point two weeks ago, if he could perhaps just try to pitch in - nothing major, maybe stack the dishwasher. That’s it. He accused me of ableism and told me that if he could do it, he would. I told him I was also severely depressed but have to work in order to bring money into the house, and that working eats up 8-9 hours of my day, therefore I have less time available to do household chores. He plays WoW all day. I reminded him of this and he told me I ”have been just as lazy as he has, but admittedly done slightly more...” - when I tell you that I nearly lost my vision with rage. Excuse me? I’ve been busting my ARSE for MONTHS taking on every single aspect of the household work, on top of regular work and trying to start exercising daily. Part of me died hearing that.

•Tells me I am overly sensitive and expect too much from him.

•Tells me that he does just as much as I do, and just because I “have to work” doesn’t mean he should do anymore around the house than I do.

•Has said so many other horrible things under the guise of “honesty”, that this is just how he is because of the autism and other issues. That he can’t “be poetic” with how he speaks to me - yeah? How about just ‘polite’, then, dickhead?

Do NOT accept this behaviour ladies. I could go on but you get the picture. This is a LOW VALUE MAN and he will never change. If any of this rings true to you, please don’t stick around and hope that the external validation is enough. It’s not. You will get burnt out. Your life will be so much better without his dead weight. Get out while you can.