Green/red flags when dating as a single mother?

masterofthebarkarts · 2021-04-21T18:57:27+00:00

Beware the man who wants to meet your children immediately; he's trying to use them to build false intimacy with you.

Related, beware the man who refuses to meet your children/seems wildly resistant even after months. He doesn't see a future with you and doesn't want the guilt of getting the kids involved.

Beware the man who has no children but has a million opinions about how you raise yours.

Beware the man who "doesn't usually date single moms" (why does he need to tell you this? And why is that a rule he usually follows? What does he expect from you, to be worthy of being the exception?)

Beware the man who is generally negative about kids, ie., does he complain about his nieces/nephews? His friends kids?

chickenlesnugget · 2021-04-21T18:58:45+00:00

I'm not a mother, but many of them here talk about not letting the people they're vetting near their children at first, and them wanting to meet your children immediately, asking about them a lot, is a red flag because many pedophiles date single mothers to get access to their children.

Adventurous_River_64 · 2021-04-21T19:40:02+00:00

Honestly I would avoid online dating. Too many predators and creeps and it's too hard to vet properly. It's a lot easier to get a sense in person if someone seems off and if you wouldn't want them around your kids. Also a lot of people refer to online dating as a "numbers game" and as a mother who has the time and money to be going on all of those dates.

A green flag to me would be someone who treats your kids like humans, respects them and their boundaries, doesn't rush things, and also has solid long term friendships/ family relationships with HV people.

I say treat your kids like humans because I find a lot of people who aren't interested in or don't have kids will act like they are aliens or something that can be ignored/ barely tolerated. Like... you guys were this age too once!

ladylika · 2021-04-21T19:34:28+00:00

I am a single mum and relate with these red flags. If your kids don't like them I would say be careful.

_bethiebabes · 2021-04-22T01:09:22+00:00

I wouldn’t let a man meet my kids for at least six months, probably a year

but honestly I’m so turned off men that I have zero desire to date one ever again

zorra666 · 2021-04-21T20:59:00+00:00

Check his phone. Check his internet history. Do not give him warning that you are going to do this.

ketodietclub · 2021-04-21T21:29:42+00:00

Any guy who comes up to you while you are out with your kids is.. iffy. Most guys will assume you're married if you have kids, or will be put of by them.

Crafty_Collar8183 · 2021-04-21T22:42:20+00:00

I wouldn't let the guy and children meet until you're sure about this guy. So there is a Stage 1 and a Stage 2 of vetting. But let him know you about your kids and see his response. If the mother isn't happy, the children definitely won't be happy. Depends on how old your children are as well. And look for how your children feel about him and you. Children can be very insightful.

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