How do I turn this train wreck around?

jazzyjazcons · 2019-12-17T08:38:19+00:00

[deleted]

Pizza-n-Lice · 2019-12-17T11:45:41+00:00

What the hell are you doing, you make out with strangers at bars, and give hand jobs after knowing someone for a few hours, and think he will consider you a HVW suitable for a relationship? You show you have no self control, he can safely assume this is what you normally do, and he has no reason to try and court you properly when he knows a few drinks at a bar will get you naked.

He's not into you. No one is so busy that they take days to respond.

TheOGJammies · 2019-12-17T06:29:35+00:00

Sis, you made this so over complicated. You just need to tell him when you’re available and let him do the work to get to you. That’s it. Pick a day and a time. If he cancels or is going to be significantly late then you tell him you’re going to stay in or make other plans for dinner. Always throw the ball back in his court to take initiative.

Since you have no self control and already halfway started sex with this guy it’s going to be hard to tell him you want to slow things down, but you should and see how he responds.

jazzyjazcons · 2019-12-17T09:58:21+00:00

[deleted]

plutunic · 2019-12-17T12:48:44+00:00

Waiting 10 days, 4 days, 5 days, 6 days to respond??? What is all this nonsense??

Whether or not he’s into you, this isn’t the kind of relationship I would ever want to be in. Forget him and move on.

kasurimethi · 2019-12-17T13:51:08+00:00

You lost me at “making out in the middle of the bar”. Yikes.

dackaroo · 2019-12-17T09:15:33+00:00

If he were really high value, he wouldn't have used you for a splooge, which is what he did. Even if we're giving him the benefit of the doubt, he sucks at communicating/is playing hard to get/is just an all around idiot, none of which you want anything to do with. But we're not giving him the benefit of the doubt. Here at FDS we understand that he does not have honorable intentions and is trying to play little mind games with you so that you'll wonder things like "I am not sure what it is... Should I... try to salvage this."

Girl, there is nothing to salvage. It's just a game to him. He got you to "invest" a lot on the first date for a very low return, so from his perspective, he wins and you lose. Congrats on inflating his ego and enjoy the breadcrumbs.

atx_grl · 2019-12-17T13:58:20+00:00

I am also going to give some tough love here... You are focusing on him him him, what he did, how he did not respond, and the like.

Let’s talk about how YOU behaved. You did not behave like a HVW. You got caught up on a good looking man that simply had his life together. You allowed him to take you on an alcohol date instead of a real date where he could properly treat you like a HVW. He got you in a bar, he knew his looks would turn you on because he’s a good looking guy (promise you plenty of other women have fallen for him), you got loosened up with drinks to where he became the king of the world to you, made out in a public place, you went back to his house, got in his bed, then when you finally realized how you behaved, still gave him a HJ.

You fell for the bait hook, line and sinker! What you did was cheaper (financially) then what a prostitute would offer.... Let that sink in. All he had to do was pay out for a couple of drinks. YOU had zero boundaries or standards. He only treated you the way you allowed him to. He didn’t have to put in any effort or treat you like a HVW, because you showed him you had lowered boundaries and standards.

Where I get annoyed is when women behave with no morals or respect for themselves and then get mad when men treat them consequently. You and only you allow a man to treat you according to standards YOU SET for yourself. Raise your standards and I promise you that a man will mirror those standards, more often than not.

How do you turn this around? This one you cannot. He lost all respect for you when you behaved like an LVW. This is why I never will take an alcohol, “meet up for drinks“ date or a coffee date. In the future, please reference THIS on boundaries and standards (someone else here posted it previously and I couldn’t find the original post) if you are unsure where you went wrong. These are the boundaries and standards a HVW has in place. Learn it and live it.

SaddleUpBucephalus · 2019-12-17T13:33:29+00:00

Take it as a loss, take the lesson and move on to the next. He isn't that special.

TheOGJammies · 2019-12-17T06:19:30+00:00

Posted.

greensciencegeek · 2019-12-17T21:30:41+00:00

Move on.

"Anyways, he didn’t answer for 10 days! He finally texted this:

Him: I m sorry for the long silence and about that day, had a horrible day at work."

There was no fucking excuse for this. Any guy who liked me, talked to me every damn day.

This seems childish and he's string you along. Cut yourself free.

plutunic · 2019-12-17T09:26:39+00:00

he's just not that into you.

Ms_Tilly · 2019-12-17T19:20:07+00:00

I wouldn't respond to him at all anymore. You don't turn this shit around. Anytime I fucked up like you did the guys were still on me like white on rice. And I'm not boasting. They were low value all the way. I have zero problems finding and keeping the low value ones. I just don't want them and refuse to entertain them anymore.

Dust yourself off and let this be a lesson. He was probably not high value and he definitely doesn't see you as such anymore. Keep what dignity you have left and leave him alone.

And no one is that damn busy. I guarantee he was on his phone answering more important people every time he took a dump. You're not even worth a dump text. I've been there and I next those men.

AverageToHot · 2019-12-17T20:43:09+00:00

Never go to a man’s place + do anything sexual with him before commitment. Don’t make out in a public space by the end of the first date. Don’t put him up on a pedestal just because he’s attractive and has his shit together. Move on from this man. He’s not going to give you the amazing treatment that I presume you want.

wowthispostissad · 2019-12-17T20:43:43+00:00

If you’re looking for a relationship, you can’t turn this around. Learn from this and start over.

Scotsburd · 2019-12-17T21:08:33+00:00

Think of this as a learning opportunity. Next time you will behave differently. We all have had to learn at one time, don't beat yourself up, move on.

2019-12-17T23:25:54+00:00

Regardless of what happened that first night (mistakes happen), you shouldn't have responded after the 10 day hiatus. Texting him back after he fell off the planet for 10 days demonstrates to him that you are either desperate or have no self-respect, regardless of whatever game you were playing waiting 4 days to respond. I know we want to think that we can turn their game around on them and it will have the same effect, but it doesn't. He's not going to see a text from you after 4 days and think "oooh she must be so busy and high value, I am lucky she responded," he is just simply going to think you are bored, possibly not that into him (which he doesn't care about at all, this works for him), and DTF.

Title	How do I turn this train wreck around?
Author	jazzyjazcons
Upvotes	9
Comments	35
Date	December 17, 2019 5:19 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/ebreyy/how_do_i_turn_this_train_wreck_around/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/how-do-i-turn-this-train-wreck-around.686790 https://theredarchive.com/post/686790

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