How easily do you orgasm?

Phoenix__Rising2018 · 2020-09-28T17:54:56+00:00

More foreplay. I had one guy who would give me a full hour or more of massage and foreplay before sex.

Beyond that it sounds like you are getting close but you are not getting out of your head enough to orgasm. Maybe you need a glass of wine, maybe you need him to tell you how much he wants to make you orgasm, maybe you are just not comfortable yet, or maybe 6ou need a nice date first.

I used to rush through foreplay because I was so horny and I wanted to get to the sex but then I wouldn't orgasm.

Frankly, I also realized I cannot orgasm using condoms. And I need coconut oil or silicone lube or it feels more irritating than pleasurable.

You should spend some time thinking about what you're thinking and feeling when this happens to try to find out why.

Muffy217 · 2020-09-28T19:03:34+00:00

I used to be really anxious about it. If I took more than 10-15 minutes, I would worry that I was taking too long. I’d worry about how I looked, was I doing it right, comparing myself to other people. I was really in my head. I could get myself off with a vibrator in three minutes, but a guy could go down on me for half an hour and nothing.

If you think you might be in your own head, a few tips. First, try a glass or two of wine first to take of the edge. Not to get drunk, but just to get a little loose. If that doesn’t work, talk to your doctor. My gynecologist actually prescribed the lowest dose of Xanax. I used it once, it took the edge off, I got off, and the mental block about having an orgasm with him went away.

feast_or_famine1 · 2020-09-28T20:24:53+00:00

I do it myself and it takes minutes. Penetration isn't necesary which we all know. I am not currently sexually active and have orgasms multiple times during the week. I know women who have sex with men regularly and have never orgasmed. I tell them to buy a freaking vibrator, hold it on your clit for like a minute and BAM. A vibrator isn't necesary, though. Your hands can work just as well.

Men make it seem like it's so much effort, but it's truly not. I can satisfy myself better than a man can. I don't even see the appeal of sex right now. I'm sure it will change at some point, but until then I'm pretty fulfilled doings thing myself. 🤷‍♀️

I know this question was meant for having orgasms during sex, but I guess I'm providing the alternative option of just taking care of business yourself if needed. 😅

bye-raspberry · 2020-09-28T19:08:26+00:00

I've always had a tough time orgasming. I have never, ever been able to make myself cum through masturbating... I've tried everything, believe me. I've watched videos, done research, experimented... I always just end up numb after masturbating for 45+ minutes with no orgasm. So I just don't do it anymore. When having sex I can pretty much only cum if I'm on top, riding cowgirl style. My partner loves foreplay and giving oral and tries all kinds of new positions, but usually nothing but cowgirl makes me cum. I don't think it's his fault, I just don't orgasm easily.

eveninghope · 2020-09-28T18:15:49+00:00

It's really tough for me. It's honestly easier to get off w dudes I can't stand bc I don't give a shit about their comfort. When it comes to guys I like, I stress out about if they're enjoying it. For me, it takes a lot to internalize that this guy doesn't mind doing it since I like it. Also, I need to feel some sense of autonomy/control bc I've been so socialized to assume that a man's pleasure is the goal and I'm just a fuck object. Lots of direct contact and lubrication are important for me. Maybe try having him watch you get yourself off so you can feel comfortable that he likes it. Also, teach him the technique you use on yourself.

illusion_believe · 2020-09-28T19:13:48+00:00

Stop the vibrator. It’s too intense. Doctor Ruth talked about it. Check her on YouTube. She said that she asks her patient not to cum with a vibrator.

Try with your fingers only. Lie on the stomach. Also check psalm on YouTube. She’s from mindvalley. She made a video on all the breathing exercises you can do if you can orgasm.

What worked for me was: lying on my stomach and breathing heavily as if I was getting ready to orgasm. The brain works like this. You must make him believe that the event is already occurring

Edit: try the tantric penetration. He must enters you slowly and alternate between shallow penetration and deep ones. There is a proper ratio to respect: 9 shallows penetrations/ followed by 1 deeper. (Not too deep tho because your vagina muscles are fully relaxed yet. You can be mentally aroused but not physically. You will know it’s good when you touch your clit and it’s hard and you wet a lot)

Then 8 shallow pumps for 2 deep ones. Then 7/3,6/4,5/5, 4/6, 3/7, 2/8, 1/9 then start again . I’m confident this will make you orgasm. Try on your own with a dildo but no battery . Make sure you stimulate your clitoris and vagina at the same time. Or clit and Anus simultaneously. The clit must always be in the equation

continuebuffer · 2020-09-28T18:44:46+00:00

I have the same problem. I also cant tell a man what I like.

Icchy24 · 2020-09-28T21:30:43+00:00

I only cum through oral and am very particular about it. It takes me like 15 mins IF the guy gets it right. But if he goes a little too rough then I get oversensitized and then my clit feels numb for at least 30 mins.

reina_nova · 2020-09-28T19:25:06+00:00

I second the comment to stop using the vibrator. You are reducing your sensitivity. I recommend this video.

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teaandcoffee717 · 2020-09-28T19:28:59+00:00

I used to grow up religious and was sexually respressed and I'm recovering from childhood body dysmorphia. This all seeped into my sex life during adult hood and I struggled with orgasming only because I wasn't comfortable around a man + in my own body. My boyfriend at the time did ALL the right things and it was difficult in the beginning but it finally happened when I worked through my blockages on my own and worked on relaxing. It can take a while depending on what the root of your specific issue is, but don't expect a man to fix everything, and don't get addicted to using vibrators because they can be overwhelming to the clit sometimes which forces the orgasm without a buildup.

Look into edging and more foreplay with your man and also mediation + breathework.

43rdaccount · 2020-09-28T21:31:08+00:00

you're definitely not broken OP! <333 im also similar. for me it's a mindset / mental block where it's hard to relax with someone else watching and truly let go (can masturbate fine on my own without a toy, with "healthy" (non-violent, not related to assault or porn) thoughts). it does help when im under the influence of something.. 😌😇 and as mentioned above it's also been better since ive stopped porn and been meditating and doing yoga more regularly. for me it's felt like a rewiring of my brain where i need to really feel connected to my sensual body etc so i realize it's going to take time

if you identify with anything i wrote then youre on the right track !! maybe do little goals of like orgasming from just your manual stimulation, then can you do it in your bf's presence? then can he try manually or orally? then it will become a habit and something you can more easily control/channel through

2020-09-29T01:34:48+00:00

I always rub my clit while having sex and orgasm almost everytime. I like being in control of my pleasure and how intense it feels. I've never had a man "give" me an orgasm with no effort on my part. Hoping I can find that one day lol

Title	How easily do you orgasm?
Author	aquariagur
Upvotes	29
Comments	24
Date	September 28, 2020 4:03 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/j157q8/how_easily_do_you_orgasm/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/how-easily-do-you-orgasm.318502 https://theredarchive.com/post/318502

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