I've been watching this YouTuber, Shallon Lester, for the past year now (although a lot of people don't always agree with her) she makes some great points that have helped me! The idea of a hurtlocker is someone you store all your hurts, dreams, and goals into. They are a man you respect and admire, like you would a woman, but you don't know how to interpret that so you obsess about them. What you really want, besides being attracted to them, is BEING them (the good parts at least). For example, my hurt locker was a really confident, popular guy who was good at a lot of things I wanted to be good at. When I heard of this concept I decided that instead of fixating on him which was easier, I improved myself in the areas that I wanted to be like him.