I smell a separation.

dzgata · 2020-07-06T22:23:13+00:00

Hmm, I personally don’t think degrees are necessarily better or worse than other alternatives. I’ve met plenty of twats with degrees and plenty of people without degrees who are far more intelligent. But if you feel like you can not communicate or discuss complex topics etc that’s a different ball game. You can decide to discuss some of the incompatibilities you want to work on with him if you’d like. From the post I don’t see any red flags etc. but idk your personal life or marriage. Only you can determine that. If you say he’s generally HV, would he make an effort to level up? I’d say at least communicate your desires and what’s not satisfying you. I’m against encouraging communication with dusties who have displayed their nastiness, but I’m for communication with generally HV men.

I’m also absolutely against staying with LVM but I also see nuance here and from what you’ve stated he doesn’t seem LV?

Just think about your decision. Make a list of pros and cons and follow your gut instinct. Don’t make decisions solely based on what others expect of you etc.

pickmieshaexorcist · 2020-07-07T00:04:53+00:00

This smells like a bait post. It’s very brusque and a gender-swapped version of the common reddit post where assholes proclaim they’ve just gotten too good for their stupid girlfriends/wives and want to pull tons of strange, and will reddit pretty please tell them it’s ok?! So I think that this a man or some kind of pickme wanting to showcase that FDS are the kinds of assholes that would just dump a guy for no reason because we got (maybe) hotter (in the future) and want to pull strange dick.

My dude senses were tinglin something fierce and then I went to the profile where they’re all “I’m a cisgender woman, stop calling me a man, RAWR!”

I dunno.

wish_i_wasntavampire · 2020-07-06T18:47:57+00:00

"I feel I can do better than him"

is a death sentence to any relationship.

So yeah, go ahead and break up. But it does seem like you have a lot of work to do on yourself afterwards... including the health, but also really making sure you KNOW your standards and KNOW what you want from a potential future partner. And not being afraid of being single.

NubianQueen101 · 2020-07-06T23:28:02+00:00

So..

He has never treated you badly.

He has a fair number of HVM traits that qualifies him to be called HV

He never treated you or acted differently towards you after you gained weight.

He stuck by your side during and after surgery.

There are no red flags, yellow flags or any kind of flags ( you didn't mention any)

And you can't really judge a person by having a degree or not having a degree.

It's just that the surgeon has warned you about divorce rates and that you feel more attractive and you could do better.

Honestly, and judging from the very little info you provided, I don't find a reason for separation.

Give yourself some time, only been 2 months after surgery, talk to a therapist, maybe the same reasons/circumstances that has caused you to gain the weight are resurfacing and causing you to think of separation. Maybe you need to work more on yourself and resolve any unresolved issues you may have. I hope I explained myself in a proper way, English is not my first language.

What I mean is, when we have unresolved issues within ourselves, some of us resort to some destructive behavior (over eating and gaining weight can be one of those behaviors), since after surgery you do not have the option of overeating to regulate your emotions and issues, you might probably find yourself resorting to other destructive behaviors, sabotaging your relationships?

If none of that exists and you are pretty sure your thoughts are originating from a genuine feeling of incompatibility and you feel that you can grow better as a person apart from your husband, then I wish you good luck in whatever decision you think is the best for you. 💕

NinoEmines · 2020-07-06T23:07:12+00:00

tbh i think u should deal with these changes on your own first, go to therapy ect i don't see why you'd leave this, u did great and FDS goal is to be at where u are at now and you don't seem like you had any problems with your husband prior to this or do now

just think this through is all I'm saying, in the end it is your choice but don't make a wrong choice based on such recent events, if he was showing red flags ect i'd agree to leave, but this situation doesn't feel like it so be careful

NumerousPainting · 2020-07-06T22:15:45+00:00

Whatever you decide make sure it’s what YOU truly want. Make sure it’s a decision you can live with even if it starts to get difficult.

tumadre22 · 2020-07-06T18:27:14+00:00

Life is too short to stay with someone for fear of being alone. If you aren’t happy being with him and you feel like you’re settling, that feeling will only get stronger as time goes on and you’ll start to resent him as well as yourself for staying with him. Obviously I don’t know all the details, but it sounds like you know you want to leave and you just need that little push.

tumadre22 · 2020-07-06T18:35:59+00:00

[removed]

SkyHydrus · 2020-07-06T18:43:49+00:00

First of all, congratulations on your weight loss! You have earned it and I'm really excited for you. All I want to say is, follow your gut.

You are allowed to take your time to make a decision. You are allowed to go back and forth. You are allowed to go forward and never look back. You are allowed to weight the pros and cons, simultaneously understand that he was a good man, yet still decide to leave. He does not have to be LV, and the relationship does not have to be unsuccessful, for you to have "permission" to go.

I am guessing you are in a good place where you feel like you have a new license on life, a world has opened up before you - and that is a very exciting place to be! If he is holding you back from the next journey of your life, then go.

Relationships will come. "The bus comes very 5 minutes". Your life is your own.

You are allowed to leave, simply because you want to - "go, because wanting to leave is enough".

Summerisle7 · 2020-07-06T23:18:45+00:00

Congratulations on your weight loss and new healthy eating plans! That's an amazing achievement. I'm sorry your "partner" (are you married or not?) is less than supportive. I have heard that a lot of men don't actually want their women to lose the weight or get healthy. They like them the way they are: unhealthy, weak, and scared to break loose. He should be rooting for you and eating healthy WITH YOU. Not acting as though you're upsetting the status quo.

You say you feel that you've grown apart. Do you still have anything in common? Do you think you still love him? Do you want to be with him forever? If not, then dump him now. If you think there's hope, then you might consider couples counselling? Make sure it's with a woman-friendly therapist though.

Do whatever is best for YOU. It's very possible that your new life doesn't have room for him.

-positivity- · 2020-07-07T00:16:29+00:00

Gosh wow, this man stuck by you through the years. I hope this man finds a high-value woman who matches him in morals.

I smell a separation.

Comments

Aw hell naw!

Title	I smell a separation.
Author	tumadre22
Upvotes	0
Comments	38
Date	July 6, 2020 6:23 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/hmd2do/i_smell_a_separation/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/i-smell-a-separation.705536 https://theredarchive.com/post/705536