Its 2020 - And im identifying as a handsome, kind and generous masculine man who cares very much for women who give me sex. Im here to mansplain explain how you lovely wonderful women can avoid getting abused by the men in your life and its so easy you're gonna kick yourselves when you let me put the pieces together for you - Thank me later (Send me nud3s?)

You've seen the stories, there on the internet every day. Some innocent women is killed/beaten/raped by her asshole boyfriend, sometimes all 3 because yano SOME men are really bad people. A few come to mind, like the Mexican woman recently killed, skinned and partially flushed down the toilet by her boyfriend because she once again complained about his drinking (Stop nagging the men!) Remember when that Ex MMA guy brutally hospitalised his ex girlfriend because she had the audacity to move on with her life and sleep with another man? In fairness she was a hooker so she probably deserved that one ANYWAY. Then there was this recent gem of a sex therapist having her home broken into by her ex boyfriend who then beat her and threw her over her own balcony Such a tragedy and totally needless. Its such a shame to lose another woman to the hands of lone bad man (Remember girls! Not all men!!)

ALL of these incidents, and dare i say many many more, could have been avoided had women just dated NICE GUYS!! We exist!! I am one myself! I always tell the women i wanna put my dick in how beautiful they are, how they make me so happy and how i want to marry them and make them my motherwife. If women would just stop being such bitches with who they're attracted to the the rates of DV would be almost non-existent over night! I dont understand why attraction is such a big thing for you ladies anyway, the female orgasm is a myth and all you really need from a man is financial security and a guy with an endless supply of niceness coins!

So do yourself a favour girls! That guy you've put in your friendzone because he's in his 30's, doesn't have a job, whacks it to porn every day but has a stellar personality (He can crack a joke right?) just give him a chance. He might never change but i guarantee he'll never raise a hand to you!

Remember ladies, us guys love you much more than you'll ever realise! Take care of yourselves and stop dating assholes! Problem solved! Drops mic

Yes, this is total and utter satire.